People announcing pregnancy’s so early

[L2018]

Hi all,

So just been told that a girl I work with is pregnant. When I asked her how far along she is i was gob smacked! 5 weeks!

It makes me really upset and angry! Simply because of my miscarriages and I wouldn’t even dream of telling people until I couldn’t get away with it.

I was always one of these people who thought it wouldn’t happen to me and it does. And I just know that she will probably be one of the Lucy ones who goes on to have a beautiful baby.

#very emotional 😭

I wouldn’t wish a pregnancy loss on anyone! I along with many others know how painful it is. Me saying she will be one of the lucky ones is me basically saying how unlucky I am! So no I’m not wishing the death of an unborn child! Why would someone insinuate that. I’m not Saturn.

I’ve had losses. I “announce” or tell people right away when I’m pregnant as I want them to be celebrated for however long or short their life may be. My first loss was FAR after the 12 week mark so it’s not like waiting til then guarantees anything - and I personally have found it easier to cope when other people know, remember, and love my lost baby.

I am sorry for your losses but your last sentence was a bit odd. Almost as though you don't wish her well in her pregnancy. I announced all my pregnancies early because I wanted to, I was excited and I wanted my friends and family to know.
One sneering person did ask me why I had told people I'm pregnant as I was only 8 weeks and still time for a miscarriage and I was gobsmacked. Another told me I wasn't out of the woods till 16 weeks , while I was showing my 12 weel scan to colleagues, which terrified me. I felt as though that would be their preferred outcome. So please don't be bitter towards people who have healthy pregnancies, it won't make you any happier.

Miscarriages can cause your emotions and reactions to go haywire xx take a breath, its her life, we’re all different x
I personally only tell those close to me, friends and family. I have 2 dcs,never did a fb announcement, i cringe when i see these. I had two mc’s last year at 12 and 16 weeks, kept both pregnancies and losses off fb and only told those i was close...both my babies died after “good” 12 weeks scans, in my opinion there is no safe time. If i decide to try again, i will still keep it private as that’s how i live my life.

I tried for 3 years before conceiving.

I told everyone the day I found out at 6 weeks.

There is no right or wrong . I just don’t see why she should not announce it .

I had a miscarriage last year at 7 weeks. I'd told all my family and friends and most school mums knew. I'm now pregnant again, 12 weeks, and told everyone pretty much as soon as we knew. What would waiting until twelve weeks do? It won't stop a miscarriage and if the worst had happened, I have nothing to be ashamed of

I hate the conspiracy of silence that surrounds early pregnancy. The idea that we should keep silent “in case something goes wrong” is abhorrent. I’m losing my third baby in my second pregnancy right now and believe me, I want the fucking world to know how much I’m hurting.

@Livid21

@Livid21 I totally agree with you. You said that so well. Miscarriage shouldn’t be a taboo subject.

To the original poster, I’m also sorry for your loss and that some people here are criticizing your comment. It’s true that everyone has to make their own choices and we can’t judge them for it, but I totally get where you are coming from in terms of feeling sad about other people’s pregnancies. It’s natural. I’m also sad that I have such bad luck and, although I don’t wish ill on anyone, women who have healthy pregnancies don’t understand the depth of our losses and our fears and self-doubt. And that is frustrating for sure. Take care of yourself xxx

I understand what you mean.

I announced my pregnancy after miscarriage at around 6 weeks - but only to close family and friends. Because I was using the mantra “today I am pregnant.” And because if it happened again, I needed their support, again.

My cousin had a miscarriage at 17 weeks and didn’t announce her subsequent pregnancy until 30 weeks.

There is no safe zone.

I didn’t tell anyone and had an early miscarriage.
I told people for support, at 6 weeks-ish and miscarried at 15 weeks. Friends and family were fantastic (I already had DS1) in looking after me.
Told close family only. And began to bleed to at 19 weeks and finally had to precipitously deliver at 26 weeks. Baby survived but spent months in the NICU. Most people were amazed because they didn’t even know I was six months pregnant.
My best friend delivered a stillborn baby at 27 weeks last year.

So no there is no ‘golden period’ for announcing anything. And we shouldn’t hide pregnancy announcements because ‘bad things can happen.’ Yes they can, and we should talk about it more.

I've just had a chemical pregnancy. It was our first positive in a year. I didn't tell everyone, but I told two friends because I knew if it went wrong I would want support. It wasn't expecting to need that support quite so soon, but I'm glad I did.

I think part of it, is when you tell people, they get so excited. So you don't want to risk ruining that, or getting your hopes up. Perhaps if we all talked about early pregnancy more, we would also talk about early miscarriage, and it wouldn't be so hard to tell people. Everyone would wait until later to get really excited, and there would be more support and less secrecy.

A someone who told most people only when I was 20 weeks, I don't really get those who tell ultra early.

I have friends that made a big song and dance over announcing at 6 weeks! I think it can be for attention...but it's your own perogative.

There is no shame in miscarrying. I don’t understand the twelve week silence. I had hyperemesis anyway so everyone knew at 6 weeks because I was so ill. But I don’t understand keeping quiet in case you miscarry - fine if you want to keep it private but nobody should be compelled to keep their pregnancies or losses hidden.

I told a few friends and family about my last pregnancy at about 5-6 weeks and I was SO glad I had, because when I lost the baby at 13 weeks they were so supportive and understanding and kind - I don't think I'd have coped otherwise. I'm 6 weeks pregnant now and I've told some family and friends because again, if the worst happens I will need their care. If more women talked about it openly, likely there would be wider and better support for the many many people who experience early pregnancy loss.

I cant STAND these posts!!! There is no SAFE zone, people loose there baby at 40 weeks pregnant!!!! My cousins told everyone after her 12 week scan and lost the baby at 14 weeks!

I told my workplace when I was 7 weeks because I work with food and I was so nauseous I've been on sick leave since week 5.

I wanted to wait until I was past 12 weeks but like my employer said, what if you lost it? Then we'd know why you were upset. And I agree with that.
I had a miscarriage last year and told most people and it was nice they knew that we had lost our bub.
We have been through 6 IUIs and were on our way to IVF when I got pregnant this January.

I don't think your miscarriages are relevant to another person's experience with pregnancy to be honest.

I feel like the culture of keeping pregnancy a secret until 12 weeks fuels the idea that talking about miscarriage is a taboo.

I agree with this. I’ve never understood the secrecy point; if you were to have a miscarriage, there are people from whom you’d want support, probably including your colleagues (if only on a practical level). A colleague of mine miscarried and our boss had to tell us that she’d been pregnant, had lost her baby and was in hospital. It made it harder to know what was the right thing to say to her when she came back; because the pregnancy hadn’t been openly acknowledged, nobody was sure if she wanted her loss to be.

When should they announce? Ive learnt there is no safe zone. I lost one baby at 8 weeks so when I conceived again I didn't tell anyone until 12 weeks as I assumed we were safe.

I then went into labour at 20 weeks and my baby died during delivery. Now I wish I'd announced earlier and enjoyed my pregnancy instead of keeping it secret and worrying throughout.

If I'm lucky enough to conceive again I will be telling everyone.

With this pregnancy, because I'm suffering from Hyperemesis again, we decided to tell people early as I can't keep it hidden and so there's no point.

I also felt that if I were to have a miscarriage, then the more people who knew, the easier it would be to talk to people about it. I know a fair few people who've suffered them so having that support earlier would have made the difference.

As it is, my 12 week scan is tomorrow and I 100% don't regret telling people early.

Why should she wait? I've experienced 3 pregnancy losses before 12 weeks, and it was a lot easier the 2 times I chose to tell people I was pregnant. I had support and could talk about how I felt without feeling like I had to hide and it was the healthiest thing I could've done for my mental health.

My last pregnancy, we told people at 5 weeks. I now have a 6 week old baby. It doesn't affect the pregnancy, no matter if you choose to tell or not. It only makes a difference with what support you receive.

Ignore my last comment... Wrong thread

Sorry for your losses but why does this annoy you.

Telling people doesn't cause miscarriages. The only reason not to tell is if you want to keep it private if you do suffer a loss. Maybe she doesn't mind being open about it should that happen. And why shouldn't she - she might need support. Pregnancy loss is unfortunately a part of life - why does it have to be a shameful secret?

Also there is no safe zone. The miscarriage risk drops gradually over time but it's not like it's really high then drops off a cliff at exactly 12 weeks.

It sounds like you want her to miscarry to teach her a lesson, which is actually quite sick.

I read this article by Hadley freeman while having my miscarriage and it resonated- she says the expectation women don't talk about it is misogynistic and I agree.

I hadn't told people except our parents which meant I basically ended up telling friends I'd miscarried without having got to tell them I was pregnant. I just went along with the idea you don't tell anyone till twelve weeks without thinking it through.

It's not a thing to be ashamed of and doesn't mean they don't know the risks.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/may/13/hadley-freeman-miscarriage-silence-around-it