Oh this doesn't look good. :(

[Weaselicious]

Five weeks today and spent all of last night awake with stomach cramps and bleeding. Clots and everything. Went to see lovely doc at local cottage hosp at 4am have GP appt this morning and scan booked in for Tuesday at 9 but I don't think there's much hope.

Was super surprised to be pregnant as thought it would be v diff for DH and I and it feels very cruel to have the rug pulled like this only 9 days after we found out.

Feel like it's a club I'm not allowed to join after all.

[MildredH]

Oh weasel. Am so terribly sorry. It's the absolute shittest news.

I hope the is in progress.

[MildredH]

I may be with you by this evening weasel.

Remembered at the very last min I had bloody fertility clinic today- follow up from my lap & dye in Jan. although its pointless being here I thought I'd come on the off chance they'd scan me.

More bleeding & clots as I left home though so expecting bad news.

This is utter pants.

[Weaselicious]

HUG

[MildredH]

The fertility consultant must've had a personality transplant as he was flaming useless last time but today was quite helpful.

Scanned me- can see fetal pole & sac. No HB, but could be too early. Has given me progesterone suppositories and said re-scan in 10 days. Also said I should rest and not work til scanned. ( work are going to be beyond thrilled).

So, mixed news and probably 10 more days of uncertainty unless things become obvious in meantime...

[Littlepic]

Thanks ladies,

Weasel really sorry to hear your news. I second a nice bug glass of wine.

Mildred that sounds positive. It could easily be too early for a heart beat. Keeping fingers crossed for 10 days time. Try to enjoy the time off work and not stress too much (easier said than done!!).

[Weaselicious]

How are you doing Mildred?

[MildredH]

Sitting in blood clinic waiting for second HCG test.

Feeling ok. Swing between quite hopeful and assuming its all over. Also the realisation that if this turns out ok I've got 6 more weeks of this anxiety. It's no fun.

Haven't built up courage to call work yet to let them know the news re 10 days off. They will not be pleased.

How are you doing today? Did they give you options for management or are they assuming it will happen naturally now? Sorry if that's too nosey.. Hope you're able to have some time off too?

[Weaselicious]

Hi - am keeping fingers very crossed for you, it's just appalling stressful. As for work, fuck it, this is you and your baby that we're talking about here, and nothing's more important than that. Please do what's best for you (and have another hug).

I'm doing ok - it's all over actually, happened very naturally probably on Tuesday night/Wednesday. Scan showed all is clear and looks healthy, one more blood test tomorrow. As straightforward as it could have been which is a blessing I guess. I was certain, for lots of reasons, that I'd never even get pregnant so at least we know we can now. Work have been great and said if I need more time off that's fine - currently thinking I'll go back Monday but they've said to let them know if I need more time off. Very lucky.

Please please let me know how you go - am thinking of you and sending all sorts of positive thoughts your way x

[MildredH]

Hi weasel,

Some good news to report- gp called with blood results. HCG doubled between weds & fri.

V relieved. Still need to wait 10 days ( well, 9 now) for rescan.

Just got to tackle telling work. Called my registrar & explained the whole thing before she said she's actually off today so now need to call the consultant on her mob to tell her.

The gp actually said he thought 10 days off was overkill ( which i agree with & am likely to go stir crazy in the house..) but now the gynae consultant has said it we have to follow..

Am glad for you that you don't have the worst to come.. I know it was bloody annoying when other people told me "at least you know you can get pg" but there is truth in it.

I know after my MMC in 2011 I wanted to conceive again as soon as I could. Official advice is to wait for one normal period to pass but this is for dating purposes more than anything. Also, some old wives tales say that you're more fertile following a loss- something about the body being "ready" to be pregnant..

Whatever you believe I really hope it happens again for you as soon as you feel ready..

[Weaselicious]

Will reply properly later but just wanted to say yay! That us really good news. Hang on in there :) x

[Littlepic]

Fantastic news Mildred

[MildredH]

Thanks all for the support. It's much appreciated. Never thought checking in for updates from 'strangers (sorry ) would play such a big part in maintaining ( well, almost) my sanity..

All has been well over the weekend. Teeny bit spotting this morning but feeling constantly sick so trying to hang on to that as a positive.

Need to go down to EPU today and book scan for early next wk..

[Weaselicious]

Got to love it when feeling sick is a good thing :)

Glad all is going ok, it gives me hope for DH and I. And as for support from strangers, MN has been so so valuable over the last week. Let me know how your scan goes and don't get too bored at home :) x

[Weaselicious]

Completely freaking out. Had to chase hosp for second set of HCG bloods from Saturday and finally spoke to someone this morning who's told me my levels haven't fallen and to come in for another test. WTF. Ectopic fears running wild.

[MildredH]

Oh weasel what a pain in the arse for this to happen when you're trying to move on..

Try not to worry ( I know this rolls off the tongue way easier than it is to do..) could there be a lag in the hormones dropping?

I'm guessing you're not having any pains etc?

In the VERY worst case scenario- if it were a very early ectopic then it's likely they would offer you medical options for management over surgical which would obv leave you better off long term.

Keep us posted.. Am here all day.. ( although hoping to top yesterday's sole achievement of showering with some actual activity- god I'm a lazy cow!)

Fingers crossed

[Weaselicious]

HGC remaining at around 260 from first to second test, should know final result tonight fingers crossed. This is doing my head in.

[Weaselicious]

Distract me Mildred, how're you doing? Am home from work too!

[MildredH]

Oh weasel- it's pants! Will you def get the results tonight? 260 is pretty low.. I'm hoping this is good news.. Bloody limbo land again!

Well, distract you. Mmm. So, today I've once again done bog all. Showered and dressed. Painted my nails. Sent a few emails. Actually, I lie- in comparison with yesterday this is a high achieving day!

Highlight of today- phone call from my mum. Panicked tones- " is everything OK?, because you know, I haven't heard from you..."

Yes mum, you're right, you haven't heard from me in the whole 19 hours since I last text you to tell you EVERYTHING IS OK!!!

Argh. I love my mother dearly & we're very close but quite clearly she's coping with this anxiety far less well than me. And that's saying something cos I'm not coping well at all. ( stir crazy lonely lady ). She's now on her way over, to check that everything is indeed fine. Yeeeesh.

In other riveting news in Mildred's household- whilst loading my online basket I missed the last fricking free delivery slot on ocado for tomorrow. Now I have to decide whether to pay 2.49, or bloody well shift my lazy arse 2 miles down the road to sainsburys. Hmph.

Have to go now and get the sewing machine out.. Have declared to all that I'm going to spend this week making a roman blind for my dining room.. Need to go and spread a few needles/ pins/ threads about to feign actual activity & hide my true laziness..

Hope my witterings have provided brief distraction?.. May I also suggest an afternoon doze on the sofa- swallows up 2/3 hours quite efficiently..

[MildredH]

Is everything ok Weasel? Did you get your result?

Fingers crossed for a drop for you..

[Weaselicious]

Hey Mildred - thanks for your message yesterday, it did make me giggle. Sorry for not replying sooner, been a bit stressful here. Yes, bloods came through, and they're still at the 260 mark grrr. But, more positively, I had another scan this morning and they can't see anything wrong or that looks ectopic.

So. Options I was given - 1. wait till next week for another blood test/scan. 2. laparoscopy this week to literally dig a bit further.

As I generally feel fine and have no other ectopic symptoms, we all agreed that avoiding surgery where poss is a good thing, so am booked in for ANOTHER scan and more bloods at 9.45 on Monday morning. Should the HCG have dropped, all is well. If not, a laparoscopy it is. Urgh.

Just getting pissed off now and want this all to be sorted, but it does (fingers crossed) look like my body is sorting is this out (albeit v slowly) and it may well not be ectopic. Which would be good as it would leave tubes etc intact should we wish to put ourselves through this hell again.

Undecided on that one. Expensive holidays abroad, vodka and kittens seem much less stressful. Though perhaps not quite as rewarding. Will think on.

So that's where I'm at, I'm going to go back to work tomorrow cos I'm not going to sit around here winding myself up, and we're going to look at flats on Sat so that will keep me occupied.

Well I'm hoping that you're up and dressed by now, that you haven't strangled your mother, that you've solved the food delivery issue and duly scattered sewing paraphernalia around the room. TBH if you've done all that, then you've not wasted the day. Feet up and a chocolate hobnob for you.

Got to keep smiling (and napping) :)

x

[MildredH]

Weasel- sorry things have gone this way.. I really hope your body bucks up its ideas and the HCG comes down!

Things ok here. Plumped to pay ocado for the pleasure.. Did almost fall out with my mother as it transpires that what she'd like is bi-daily updates. Actually been swimming this morning so super productive.

Come home to more spotting though. Bright ish red & tiny clot . Had just been thinking maybe all was ok as I've felt really awfully sick these last 2-3 days.. Roller coaster o clock again!

I'm with you in wondering if its all worth it.

[Weaselicious]

I tell you it had better sort its shit out or I'll be having words. And it's got to be worth it, but flippancy is great armour for the outside world :)

Am loving the bi-daily update request, you should make pronouncement a at 12pm and 6pm like you're a royal.

As for spotting/clots, keep the faith, I have a feeling this is a sticky little bean and all will be well. It can't be far off time for your next scan? Fri/Mon? Hopefully that will lay all fears to rest. For as long as possible.

I'm in bed cuddling a cat feeling sorry for myself, so you'll need to carry on with the productivity for both of us today and I'll take over by going back to work tomorrow so you can put your feet up and craft your pronouncements.

Next instalment coming soon.....

[MildredH]

Hope work is going ok Weasel. It's but a distant memory for me! Going to be big culture shock at some stage but also good distraction and hopefully time will go faster.

Next scan booked for next Weds.. They said they'd see more at seven weeks.. Found local place that do reassurance scans for £65/70 so ( fingers crossed ) all well next week I may have another in the 5 weeks before 12 wk scan just to prevent me losing my mind.

May just be completely getting ahead of myself though..!

Approaching midday- considering surgically removing myself from my dressing gown. Do feel I should try and be slightly more productive otherwise will kick myself once back at work for wasting precious time off..

DH away tonight so going to m&d's for dinner tonight. I know they're well meaning but am having to brace myself for the suffocating concern .

[Weaselicious]

Hey Mildred, am I right in thinking you've had a laparoscopy? Am in hospital with one pending tomorrow and just thought I'd see if you had and how it was? Hope all ok x

[MildredH]

Oh weasel- what happened? I thought they were re-scanning/ doing bloods Mon?

Sorry to hear you're in hosp- did something change?

Yes, I've had a lap.. Sorry got to run to sainsburys with DH but will reply properly once home..

Hope you're ok!