Oh this doesn't look good. :(

[Weaselicious]

Five weeks today and spent all of last night awake with stomach cramps and bleeding. Clots and everything. Went to see lovely doc at local cottage hosp at 4am have GP appt this morning and scan booked in for Tuesday at 9 but I don't think there's much hope.

Was super surprised to be pregnant as thought it would be v diff for DH and I and it feels very cruel to have the rug pulled like this only 9 days after we found out.

Feel like it's a club I'm not allowed to join after all.

[MildredH]

Thanks Weasel. I am massively relieved but I think the euphoria is squished a bit by the nausea. Although happy, bit worried about going back to work with long on calls/ night shifts etc. At the moment a trip to sainsburys is wiping me out and is usually followed by a mid afternoon nap.

Medical staffing ( our HR) said to speak to my consultant about hours etc and whether I would continue to do my on calls but I just feel so uncomfortable and feeble having to say to her- I might be a bit too tired/ queasy.. Pregnancy after all is not an illness! Will see how things play out when I go back. I will have to have a return to work interview so I guess will just try to bring it up there.

I have become a prize whinger lately! Honestly don't know how DH is putting up with it. That and beige food for dinner every night!

Anyway.. obviously shared the news with the parents collective this morning. I was driving DH back to work so he called his Mum first. I then text both parents ( approximately 6 minutes later) to be told that they already knew as they'd called MIL to see if she knew anything. Talk about jungle drums. Argh! Think my lovely mother is going to have to understand that updates will be scaled back now!

Glad you are taking it easy- are your work being quite accommodating? I can't imagine how you are feeling. I know that after my MMC I just wanted to conceive again as soon as humanly possible- probably just trying to replace what I'd lost but when things didn't happen immediately I realised that actually a period of recovery was a good thing and you've definitely been through more than I did.

Roll on two weeks for you to go for the (hopefully) final test. Then hopefully you can begin to feel like it's behind you.

Certainly would like to stay in touch.. xx

[Weaselicious]

Oh I'm so pleased! You must be delighted. Here's to your lovely little bean :) enjoy going back to work, but don't forget your twice daily updates...

Be lovely to hear how you go if you'd like to keep in touch.

I'm ok - taking it v easy. Going to be a while I think before we decide whether we try again (though I am 38 grr so not toooo long), but am thankful to be here tbh, could have been much worse.

Enough of that. Hugs to you, and more bean updates please. Take care and don't work too hard x

[MildredH]

Thanks weasel.. Had scan this morning. Healthy 7mm bean with heartbeat. So relieved. Had convinced myself it would be bad news!

Back to work tomorrow- actually looking forward to it. Cannot spend another day in the house!

How are you? Xxx

[Weaselicious]

Hi - just wanted to say hope all goes well today, am thinking of you :)

[MildredH]

Hi weasel,

Hope you successfully escaped from hospital last night. Must be nice to be back in your own home now..

Did they talk to you at all about trying again? I guess maybe its too early days..

All ok here. Still feeling sick, although over analysing whether I feel less sick that before or whether I'm just getting used to it. Had a family funeral yesterday so had to take off the sea-bands as just too conspicuous so that was a real delight! Only positive was all the plain BEIGE food on the buffet at the wake which is my absolute favourite atm!

24 hours til scan. Don't have a great feeling about it. Tried to prepare DH last night that it may not be what we're hoping for.

Off shopping today. I cannot spend one more day in the house! Having dinner with friends tonight- actually can't describe how excited I am to just do something normal. Feels like life has been suspended for the last 10 days.

Anyway. Enough of my whinging. Hope you are ok. X

[Weaselicious]

Hey Mildred thanks for checking in. Am ok, should be going home shortly. The ectopic was really close to the womb which is unusual apparently (can't seem to do much that's normal with this particular pregnancy), they think all is sorted but have to come back in two weeks for another fucking blood test. Sorry but this is all getting on top of me rather.

Just waiting for discharge papers now and want to go home!

Good to hear your dad's grasp of foetal development though... Do let me know how your scan goes xx

[MildredH]

How're you getting on Weasel? X

[MildredH]

Oh god, Weasel I'm sorry . That's not what I expected you to say..

If its pain or nausea and vomiting making you feel dreadful make sure you ask for stuff.. I'm sure they'll have prescribed meds in case you need them.

Huge hug. X

[Weaselicious]

Hey - had lap this morning and pregnancy was ectopic. I've had my left tube taken out. Feel dreadful. :(

[MildredH]

Ps- keep me updated.. I expect at least one anaesthesia fuelled bonkers post!

[MildredH]

Glad to have helped. I know mine was a different scenario but honestly, honestly don't fret about the procedure itself.. I talk as someone who has both had one and also assisted in theatre in lots previously as a junior doctor on my gynae rotation.

I know it's easy to say but at least it should give you answers and resolution to take you out of limbo land.. See if they'll 'jet wash' your tubes.. I'm sure that contributed to our success 2 months post laparoscopy..

Will be thinking of you.. If it makes you feel better we're having my parents round for brunch. Should eliminate at least one of tomorrow's update phone calls.. Having spoken to my dad today I'm thinking he's struggling a little with some of the pregnancy concepts.. He suggested a curry supper as 'that helps bring babies along'. Um, not at 6 and a half weeks pregnant it doesn't Dad. Arghh.

[Weaselicious]

Dreadful signal here so will be quick - you've really calmed me down thanks so much. Came to A&E last night has had some (mild and unspecified) abdom pain and they just can't see what's going on, think its a v small part of the pregnancy left hence the steady HCG levels. So am in surgery tomorrow. Alex (DH) has only just left after me sending him home for food and sleep and have been feeling v weepy. You've helped make me feel an awful lot better, thank you.

Glad to hear you're still feeling sick :) will let you know how it all goes x

[MildredH]

Ok, am back..

Yes, had a laparoscopy & dye test in January.. Was really fine. Takes longer to get over the anaesthetic than the lap itself.

I had one small (1-2cm) cut in belly button and another one same size at line where top of your knickers would be.

They'll pump co2 into your abdomen to give them a better view.

Afterwards, felt mildly tender but nothing that paracetamol didn't sort. Biggest issue is feeling bloated and slight shoulder pains from the gas. Light bleeding ( but also had hysteroscopy- which I guess you may also have). Had to wear a thin pad for about 5 days..

Only time I felt real pain was waking up in recovery- told nurse it hurt and within 30 seconds was given IV morphine which was warming and lovely like necking a large glass of red!

Not really sure what else.. I'll keep an eye on my phone this eve so just let me know if I've missed anything.

Really hope you're ok.. Not much change here. Occasional browny red tiny spotting. Still feel sick as a pig but have had surprise relief from those travel sick bands! ( and I'm bloody cynical!). Had to take them off for an hour just to check it hadn't just gone away!

[MildredH]

Oh weasel- what happened? I thought they were re-scanning/ doing bloods Mon?

Sorry to hear you're in hosp- did something change?

Yes, I've had a lap.. Sorry got to run to sainsburys with DH but will reply properly once home..

Hope you're ok!

[Weaselicious]

Hey Mildred, am I right in thinking you've had a laparoscopy? Am in hospital with one pending tomorrow and just thought I'd see if you had and how it was? Hope all ok x

[MildredH]

Hope work is going ok Weasel. It's but a distant memory for me! Going to be big culture shock at some stage but also good distraction and hopefully time will go faster.

Next scan booked for next Weds.. They said they'd see more at seven weeks.. Found local place that do reassurance scans for £65/70 so ( fingers crossed ) all well next week I may have another in the 5 weeks before 12 wk scan just to prevent me losing my mind.

May just be completely getting ahead of myself though..!

Approaching midday- considering surgically removing myself from my dressing gown. Do feel I should try and be slightly more productive otherwise will kick myself once back at work for wasting precious time off..

DH away tonight so going to m&d's for dinner tonight. I know they're well meaning but am having to brace myself for the suffocating concern .

[Weaselicious]

I tell you it had better sort its shit out or I'll be having words. And it's got to be worth it, but flippancy is great armour for the outside world :)

Am loving the bi-daily update request, you should make pronouncement a at 12pm and 6pm like you're a royal.

As for spotting/clots, keep the faith, I have a feeling this is a sticky little bean and all will be well. It can't be far off time for your next scan? Fri/Mon? Hopefully that will lay all fears to rest. For as long as possible.

I'm in bed cuddling a cat feeling sorry for myself, so you'll need to carry on with the productivity for both of us today and I'll take over by going back to work tomorrow so you can put your feet up and craft your pronouncements.

Next instalment coming soon.....

[MildredH]

Weasel- sorry things have gone this way.. I really hope your body bucks up its ideas and the HCG comes down!

Things ok here. Plumped to pay ocado for the pleasure.. Did almost fall out with my mother as it transpires that what she'd like is bi-daily updates. Actually been swimming this morning so super productive.

Come home to more spotting though. Bright ish red & tiny clot . Had just been thinking maybe all was ok as I've felt really awfully sick these last 2-3 days.. Roller coaster o clock again!

I'm with you in wondering if its all worth it.

[Weaselicious]

Hey Mildred - thanks for your message yesterday, it did make me giggle. Sorry for not replying sooner, been a bit stressful here. Yes, bloods came through, and they're still at the 260 mark grrr. But, more positively, I had another scan this morning and they can't see anything wrong or that looks ectopic.

So. Options I was given - 1. wait till next week for another blood test/scan. 2. laparoscopy this week to literally dig a bit further.

As I generally feel fine and have no other ectopic symptoms, we all agreed that avoiding surgery where poss is a good thing, so am booked in for ANOTHER scan and more bloods at 9.45 on Monday morning. Should the HCG have dropped, all is well. If not, a laparoscopy it is. Urgh.

Just getting pissed off now and want this all to be sorted, but it does (fingers crossed) look like my body is sorting is this out (albeit v slowly) and it may well not be ectopic. Which would be good as it would leave tubes etc intact should we wish to put ourselves through this hell again.

Undecided on that one. Expensive holidays abroad, vodka and kittens seem much less stressful. Though perhaps not quite as rewarding. Will think on.

So that's where I'm at, I'm going to go back to work tomorrow cos I'm not going to sit around here winding myself up, and we're going to look at flats on Sat so that will keep me occupied.

Well I'm hoping that you're up and dressed by now, that you haven't strangled your mother, that you've solved the food delivery issue and duly scattered sewing paraphernalia around the room. TBH if you've done all that, then you've not wasted the day. Feet up and a chocolate hobnob for you.

Got to keep smiling (and napping) :)

x

[MildredH]

Is everything ok Weasel? Did you get your result?

Fingers crossed for a drop for you..

[MildredH]

Oh weasel- it's pants! Will you def get the results tonight? 260 is pretty low.. I'm hoping this is good news.. Bloody limbo land again!

Well, distract you. Mmm. So, today I've once again done bog all. Showered and dressed. Painted my nails. Sent a few emails. Actually, I lie- in comparison with yesterday this is a high achieving day!

Highlight of today- phone call from my mum. Panicked tones- " is everything OK?, because you know, I haven't heard from you..."

Yes mum, you're right, you haven't heard from me in the whole 19 hours since I last text you to tell you EVERYTHING IS OK!!!

Argh. I love my mother dearly & we're very close but quite clearly she's coping with this anxiety far less well than me. And that's saying something cos I'm not coping well at all. ( stir crazy lonely lady ). She's now on her way over, to check that everything is indeed fine. Yeeeesh.

In other riveting news in Mildred's household- whilst loading my online basket I missed the last fricking free delivery slot on ocado for tomorrow. Now I have to decide whether to pay 2.49, or bloody well shift my lazy arse 2 miles down the road to sainsburys. Hmph.

Have to go now and get the sewing machine out.. Have declared to all that I'm going to spend this week making a roman blind for my dining room.. Need to go and spread a few needles/ pins/ threads about to feign actual activity & hide my true laziness..

Hope my witterings have provided brief distraction?.. May I also suggest an afternoon doze on the sofa- swallows up 2/3 hours quite efficiently..

[Weaselicious]

Distract me Mildred, how're you doing? Am home from work too!

[Weaselicious]

HGC remaining at around 260 from first to second test, should know final result tonight fingers crossed. This is doing my head in.

[MildredH]

Oh weasel what a pain in the arse for this to happen when you're trying to move on..

Try not to worry ( I know this rolls off the tongue way easier than it is to do..) could there be a lag in the hormones dropping?

I'm guessing you're not having any pains etc?

In the VERY worst case scenario- if it were a very early ectopic then it's likely they would offer you medical options for management over surgical which would obv leave you better off long term.

Keep us posted.. Am here all day.. ( although hoping to top yesterday's sole achievement of showering with some actual activity- god I'm a lazy cow!)

Fingers crossed

[Weaselicious]

Completely freaking out. Had to chase hosp for second set of HCG bloods from Saturday and finally spoke to someone this morning who's told me my levels haven't fallen and to come in for another test. WTF. Ectopic fears running wild.