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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

leaving teenager alone whilst going on holiday for a week

53 replies

ladydeedy · 12/05/2011 14:14

just heard today that my DH's exw has gone on holiday for a week leaving my DH's oldest boy at home alone. He is 16 and has exams next week.
Are we over-reacting at not being made aware he was going to be left alone (I think the first he heard of it was two days ago). So not only is he going to have to look after himself, cook meals and get himself to school, etc but he'll also have to make sure he's ready and prepped for exams, get himself up for school in time for the bus, make sure he has everything he needs, etc.
I know he should be pretty responsible at that age but even so, I'm surprised she didnt at least let us know she was going to be away when he needs a bit of extra support at this crucial time.

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Pagwatch · 12/05/2011 14:17

They should have let you know.

But we left ds1 at that age. He is sensible and of course he can cook and clean etc. He isn't a child.
And you can still call to check he is up if you want to etc.
He'll be fine.

Original poster

ladydeedy · 12/05/2011 14:20

the other thing that concerns me is that he lives in a village with no shops. I dont know how he is going to buy food etc as there is nothing nearby and of course he doesnt drive. He gets a school bus so there is no opportunity for food shopping unless he goes at the weekend. It just strikes me as all very strange, particularly as she only told him a day or two beforehand...

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meditrina · 12/05/2011 14:20

I do think 16yr olds can be left. And I expect he'll be fine.

But I think they should have let you know. And I think it's really crap to do it during exams (especially as for most 16yr olds that me and GCSE or AS).

Acanthus · 12/05/2011 14:22

Time for his dad to help out a bit with shopping and moral support?

Original poster

ladydeedy · 12/05/2011 14:24

His dad is away on business for a few days then as soon as he returns, he and I are going to a funeral (two days due to distance). Difficult.

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 12/05/2011 14:25

You are going to be here aren't you? So you can advise him if he gets stuck.

Are you assuming that they won't leave him food in the fridge/freezer? Is that likely? Would they do that?
If he runs out of food you could send him a telcos order. Or wouldn't he have money to send for a pizza or something if he is hungry?

I can see that what they are doing has thrown you. But is he really unable to cope for a week?

Yama · 12/05/2011 14:28

I chose to stay at home aged 16 rather than go on holiday with the rest of my family. Was one of the best weeks of my life. Didn't get up to anything, just loved the peace and quiet.

I am sure he is responsible enough or his Mum wouldn't have left him. The solitude may actually be conducive to studying.

Original poster

ladydeedy · 12/05/2011 14:28

I spoke to him - there is nothing in the fridge and a few basics in the house. No fruit, veg, milk etc. She hasnt left him any money (although he has some pocket money in his post office account).

He can come and stay with us for some of the time. I just thinks she's been very thoughtless.

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cestlavielife · 12/05/2011 14:28

are there neighbours/his friends parents locally keeping an eye?
is he mature responsible person?
if yes then dont worry - presumably he has your contacts if he needs and you can call him each day too?

Original poster

ladydeedy · 12/05/2011 14:30

he's been in real trouble at school for skipping classes and generally behaving very badly and performing really badly too (never does homework for example). She insisted we take all his school books with us when we took him away for holiday at Easter. I just think he could do with more support. Unfortunate that she chose this time I think...

OP posts:

Butterbur · 12/05/2011 14:30

I think that's a shit time for her to do this. What if the school bus doesn't arrive? How will he get to his exams? What if he gets in a panic about them, or doesn't do any work?

Mine are a similiar age, and I wouldn't consider leaving them during exams.

noddyholder · 12/05/2011 14:34

Well ds was doing his exams last year and I would never have left him to just get on with it. Apart from the fact that i had to nag him as it was it is so so unsupportive at a time when a lot of teenagers are all over the place!Selfish imo

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 12/05/2011 14:34

I wouldn't have left mine during A levels, let alone GCSEs - - the week after, yes, but they need a bit of "fussing" during exams.

Pagwatch · 12/05/2011 14:36

If she has left him no food, no money then that is shit

noddyholder · 12/05/2011 14:37

My ds is in the middle year of A levels and I am still nagging and making sandwiches Thats what being a parent is not deserting when they need the most support. GCSEs is hugely stressful It is their first experience of 'real' exams and as another poster said need fussing!

Pagwatch · 12/05/2011 14:42

Umm.

I do agree with you noddy
But ds1 is a bit different. I do the fussing, hugs, warm baths stuff in the run up. Actually during the exams he wants us to leave him alone.

I think were we to offer to leave for the 2weeks he may well say yes

From the sound of it the ops son needs the tlc thing. But not every teenager wants to be treated exactly the same when stressed.
Of course mine may be odd. Entirely possible

Pagwatch · 12/05/2011 14:44

He has a levels starting in a few weeks.
I have bought him a new alarm clock and lots of mini rolls in advance

Acanthus · 12/05/2011 14:46

I think for a lot of them, while you're there they want to be left alone. But if you actually went they wouldn't like it! I think he needs some moral support, at least.

noddyholder · 12/05/2011 15:30

I don't fuss during the exams but do try and be there and do whatever when he is revising. I just think being left alone in the house with no one to say How did it go? Is very sad.

coccyx · 12/05/2011 15:34

No food, no money, no support, no parenting. Could you have ahome delivery sent to him

Original poster

ladydeedy · 12/05/2011 15:45

hi. yes I wasnt sure if we were getting this out of proportion but he has been in real need of support from her for years tbh. He's managed pretty well given that she is pretty unpredictable most of the time but she shows no interest in his school work or anything else much. She just shouts when he gets a bad report (which is most of the time) and grounds him for a few days and then let's him carry on as before. I think he definitely needs real support and someone to give him some encouragement and praise from time to time. We do our best but as he doesnt live with us and she makes access quite difficult, it is harder to do. Over the past couple of years we have offered to have him come over and do homework (at least! as he doesnt appear to do any) at our house but she stops him from coming because she is "lonely on her own". I am so tired of it. His younger brother left and came to live with us.on a permanent basis.

I know all kids are different but I dont think he is responsible/disciplined enough to manage on his own, particularly regarding exams.

Great idea re a home delivery, thanks, will organise it now!

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cestlavielife · 12/05/2011 15:59

wow, she sounds needy....and silly....
hoe delivery good idea
who has she gone on hols with then?

noddyholder · 12/05/2011 16:03

Could he come to you just for dinner after his exams and you could show some interest? He must feel so unloved like he doesn't matter so so

Original poster

ladydeedy · 12/05/2011 16:08

cestlavia she has gone on holiday with "a friend from the pub" apparently. Noddy, yes he could come but next week husband and I are away to attend a funeral so we could only do that for one night. We will ask his grandma too (just discovered she had no idea her daughter was going away either).

I am going to get him this evening and bring him over for dinner. I am just saddened by it all, so I cant imagine how he feels!

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Original poster

ladydeedy · 12/05/2011 16:09

oops, i mistyped cestlavie! sorry..

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