Is there any point in us going to the NHS appointment?

[EL8888]

This week we have our 1st NHS gynaecology appointment to investigate our failure to conceive. Could l have some honest advice if us attending is a waste of time? Our respective GP’s have done various tests but don’t seem to know what they are doing or how to interpret results. We paid for some private tests which found no issues with either of us. Our local area won’t fund IVF for women over 40 (lm 6 months from 40) and they will only give 1 round once you have been trying for 3 years (we have been trying for just over 1 year)

Hi, I would go along, they can order other tests (you may have done them privately already, take all results you have got already with you so they can see the results.) They can start you on treatments not just IVF, such as clomid, which might be the thing that you need to give your ovaries a boost 😊

I have just been compiling together the various different test results in preparation. Emotionally l feel quite fragile, lm quite burned out by the disappointment and resentment of it all. As well as the stupid things people say, including l have told my daughters to have children young (my GP), you need to relax (private doctor) etc 🙄. DP is not thrilled by the appointment as he thinks it will just upset me and nothing will be gained from it

Then I will let you know that my first appointment at the local Gynae clinic was with a nurse specialist, not a consultant. (It may be different in your area) I was really frustrated that I didn’t get to see the consultant, she asked more detailed questions than the GP, and ordered tests but that was it. That was 3rd June, since then I have had further bloods, a HCG, my husband is having a repeat SA. Our next appointment is on 23rd August, quicker than I expected to be honest. But I am preparing myself that it’s not with a consultant, or that I am going to get referred for IVF so that I am less disappointed. (we know we need ICSI from the SA results without a consultant telling us!)

As to people saying stupid things I completely get you!
I saw a picture the other day saying “I’m going to start an IVF fund jar. Each time someone tells me to relax I’m going to tell them to put £5 in as punishment for their stupidity.” It rang so true with me! I just wish I was brave enough to put it on my own social media!

Perhaps it depends on the area but my NHS appointment for investigations was with a registrar working to the same consultant who (continued) to oversee our private treatment once we started IVF (in my area the NHS considers you're over the hill and don't merit funded treatment after 35). The course of investigations and treatment was no different to what it would have been had we paid from the outset, the only difference was that the NHS covered the costs of the initial tests (except the AMH test which we paid for) and the room we had our appointment in was less plush.

The first person I paid to see at the clinic was actually the counsellor and she was worth every penny. You said you're feeling burnt out and fragile. Is that an option you could explore, while you have the NHS tests? Your DH is right, the whole process can be very long drawn out, you invest massively emotionally in each appointment and then don't always get answers or feel you're moving forward. We were unexplained so never did get the answers (but were among the lucky ones the IVF worked second time).

I would go - I am in a similar situation to you and my GP ran the initial tests and is now suggesting NOTHING.
I am also experiencing other gynae issues and again they have no suggestions at all.
Have ended up going private for both fertility and gynae issues.

@Ceara to be honest lm sick of thinking and talking about it all. Nothing ever really changes. 14 or 15 cycles in (l can’t remember which!) then nothing has moved on. We are seeing a counsellor as a couple at the moment. To be honest that’s to try to repair and improve our relationship, rather than a genuine urge to talk about things. Our diagnosis at the private clinic was also unexplained infertility

@EL888 if you have already had private testing and your diagnosis is unexplained and you are eligible for NHS treatment then why wouldn’t you go? Sorry if I am playing devils advocate but if you’ve had private treatment and you are unexplained then surely the next step is to carry on whether that’s clomid ivf or ICSI or something else?

Also playing devil’s advocate but are you doubting the decision to continue trying?

I got to the stage a couple of months ago where I felt really depressed about it and we did stop trying for a couple of months. We went on holiday and just focused on us.

@Embri that’s what l am anticipating; lots of procrastination, repeated tests and long has between appointments. That’s been the flavour of what my GP have been like. So that’s why l am thinking why bother

Good luck with it all.

The NHS cycle, to put it bluntly, is a waste of time for older women. I bloody wish I didn’t waste my time with mine and went straight to private - the most valuable thing for me were the Level 1/2 testing that found all the problems the NHS should have but didn’t even test for. I wish I’d paid to have them instead of the NHS cycle - I might have gotten my bfp sooner.

@Ragdolly - presumably with donor eggs? Think it would be unlikely to be her own eggs at 52.

It’s a positive story don’t get me wrong but a lot of people want to be able to use their own eggs

@Teddybear45 what is level 1/2 testing?

I would go. I'm not sure what tests you've already had, but they might offer you a laparoscopy to look for endometriosis if you haven't already had one. My consultant already knew I had endometriosis because they found it during surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. But the first thing she suggested was a laparoscopy to treat the endometriosis. Ultimately they couldn't treat it surgically as it was too deep, and I went on 3 months of drug treatment prior to IVF to lessen it. I should stress that despite pretty severe endometriosis I had none of the classic symptoms. So worth asking about perhaps? Good luck.

@CestCeleste lm not doubting it, l don’t want to continue and haven’t for a while. DP wants to continue and we had agreed to try until the end of the year. I still want to have a baby but lm sick of wasting my time and lm sick of the eating healthy / little drinking / being stuck in limbo etc. The constant disappointment is crushing

@Teddybear45 yeah l have heard that’s the case. They won’t even offer us that but cynically l think it would be a waste of time / tick box exercise even if they did

I totally know what you mean. I’ve had a few weekends where I just wanted to stay in bed all weekend as was so fucking pissed off with the whole process.
I kept saying to my DH let’s just decide we don’t want kids as that will be actually easier to deal with that this being in limbo.
However I have got to a place where I am not that hopeful but want to keep trying.

@FinallytakingtheplungewithIVF because it will be more of my time wasted with a side order of late appointments / repeated pointless tests / no conclusive answers / frustrating protocols dreamt up by my penny pinching CCG / more confusion / less clarity

In my experience NHS was total waste of time. If time was not on my side I would not bother with it.

We waited ages for our first NHS appointment, it was such a disappointment. The doctor told us nothing is wrong and to go on holiday and RELAX and come back in 9 months for IVF if we weren't pregnant. We went private instead. So much less stress.

I would attend the appointment. DH and I did the same circus of tests with the GP who told us nothing was wrong. Finally got referred to the infertility clinic who ordered more tests and surprise surprise there was an issue with DH due to a pre existing condition which the GP was fully aware of. We were referred for ICIS IVF and were extremely luckily to conceive on the first round. DS is now seven months old and makes the two years of poking, prodding and questioning all worth it.

Good luck OP, I really hope it works out for you

Are you in a position to pay privately?

@Embri oh and liking the jar idea!

@Ginger1982 not really. Ironically this is compounded by the poor wage l get working for the NHS