SAHM mums lazy debate-womens own and wright stuff c5

[griff31]

I was watching wright stuff this morning.

There was a phone in about letter written into womans own agony aunt.

lady from cardiff 3kids all in primary, her husband says if shes doesnt work then he struggling to love her and shes lazy.

The advice given was go out and get a job.

They then discussed as panel and had phone in,
I normally like the wright stuff but was very onesided.

son much hatred towards stay at home mums dont get it?

Im sahm of 3kids. went back full time after 1st.
but my youngest is 1 and midle 2.5 starts preschool 3hours a day from september.
eldest is 6 and in year 1 primary.

My husband works retail manager and works long hours various shifts including weekends/bank hols.

tax credits went in april.
im not claiming jsa
just cb.

we married, hubby works full time.
we have no family nearby middle child does 1 day a week nusery for her own development shes september so just missed a year so another 2years until she starts primary.

average nursery fees here £40 aday.-latest nursery shuts is 6pm.
school breckfast club is £2.50 a day 8am-9am
afterschool club is 37 3.15-5.30
holiday clubs about £80 per week.

eldest does clubs 3nights a week rainbows 4.45-5.45 so uuslaly mad rush egt back from school have tea then back out again.

thursaday gym 4-45-5.45 again mad rush so 3.15 school pickup rush home get eldest changed and snack. back out drop at gym 4.45.
5pm pick middle child up from nursery then go back to gym pick up eldest get home do tea, bath and homework.

Eldest school quite academic so has homework every night.

eldest would like to do more but dont have time to do more.

Just imagining all 3 in school with homework and clubs makes me feel tired already.

Thats not including play dates and flipping birthday parties better social life than me.

Used to think prekids being at home I would have loads of time.
but the weekdays go so quick.

I do 3loads laundry a day-use cloth nappies too.
packed lunches
mostly home cooked dinners.

The kids very messy have loose routine what gets cleaned and what day.

I do combination of going into store shopping as farmfoods and lidls dont do online and do main shop online but find not very timesaving takes me ages.

if weathers nice I try take kids to park/
I also take younger ones to 2-3toddler groups a week.
or try do some one to one activity with each child each week too.

Tried to get part time job before 3rd was born but all employers want full flexible moment you say you a mum and need set shifts they not interested.
yet i worked from 15 -age 30 and have Alevels and degree.

when not looking after kids, house or cooking.
im listing stuff on ebay to bring some money in.
That then funds stuff kids need.

I do miss being out at work, adult company at times
think workings easier.
i love my kids and chose to have 3 all 3planned.

I know im fortunate we survive on one wage its hard at times as every things gone up, kids are pricey and havent been abroad in years.

I resent the fact the society seems to think all mums sponge off state and are lazy. There are a few mums in eldests year who work but they either have free childcare family. 1 of the parent has flexible hours ie self employed or they just have 1-2kids at most to juggle.

3 kids seems quite common here and know a few at school who dont work but they always busy they not ladies who do lunch type people.

its so hard to find family freindly employers as school holidays so long, kids get sick.

Both me and hubby had terrible time when I went back to school after 1st was born when child was sick.We both worked for same company and eldest had just started nursery got every bug going and i chose to send hubby then got told my my area manager that i should have gone and hubby stay in work we were in different stores at the time,They made it so crap and damaged promotional opportunities that I chose to quit.

Being a mum feels like shift never ends as younger 2 still not sleeping through night. Have looked for nigh shifts but nothing would really love the additional income.

I do wonder if other working mums veiw me as lazy.
I tried working and dident work for me as sector and employer I worked with wasent family freindly.

How does everyone else feel? cant believe womans own has such a backwards attitude.

I think you shouldn't give a s* whether other people view you as lazy.
If what you do works for you as a family, then that's all that matters.

So you chose to have 3 kids and be a sahm. Others make different choices. You don't need to justify your decisions to others.

Meh I am sahm and I could not give a shit if someone works or not.

My advice is to ignore it all and do what suits you and accept that everyone will do what suits them and someone making a different choice is not in itself a criticism of your choice and you have no need to break down your day for anyone.

Ignore anything that comes out of matthew wright's mouth because it's not worth space in your brain.

don't care at all if someone else thinks you're lazy. They don't matter.

(I am self employed, with 2 autistic children. I do what's right for me. I couldn't care less what choice other people make and I couldn't care less what they think of me, be it selfish for working because I have 2 children with additional needs or selfish for not working full time. Screw em. )

Live the life you want to live and which works best for your family and let everyone else do the same.

I doubt it's working mums who view you as lazy. If anyone does, it'll be men (generalising wildly here) who don't know how much work there can be in running a household/family! FWIW I'm a working mum and I don't assume SAHMs are lazy!

"I was watching wright stuff this morning."

Well there was your mistake

SAHMs are not lazy, however I do think that if you're in a relationship and your other half does not want to support you as a SAHM then you get a job, even if it's part time.

It's a slow news week. When the Today Prog runs a piece on 'why tomatoes aren't as tasty as they could be' you know there's chuff all new going on in the world.

And I'm a working mum cause I'm lazy, I found it difficult to cope with all the tasks as a SAHM. Would never call SAHMs lazy in a million years, I admire them!

I think the phrases "lazy debate" and "Wright Stuff" are pretty synonymous - they can't be arsed to look into worthy stuff so go through Active Convos and pick a couple of topics for the days show.

SAHMs are not lazy - except me, maybe. So far today I took the DCs to school, met friends for coffee, did a bit of shopping and now I am mumsnetting.

"I do think that if you're in a relationship and your other half does not want to support you as a SAHM then you get a job, even if it's part time."
assuming they then don't expect you to pick up all the slack when it comes to childcare, household stuff etc and these are shared.

Wright stuff sounds like a complete pile of crap

why do people care what others think, I am a SAHM with a 20 year old and a 17 year old.....ok 17 yr old is disabled, it if someone wants to call me lazy, I suggest that try my life first.

Some days I think I would love to sit in an office from 9 to 5 it would be a lovely rest from what I do all week
I do work two afternoons a week (just to have a rest from the constant rush)

I really do not know how working parents fit it all in I really don't
Hats off to to all parents, its bloody hard work weather you stay home or go to work

You should stay away from the Wright stuff. For some reason Matthew Wright seems to have it in for mothers.

Pre children, I shared his view. Little did I know!

I was watching that this morning while doing the ironing that just could not be put off another day.

I was just laughing all the way through. I'm beyond getting annoyed about SAHM bashing.

I will not go back to work when my youngest starts school because my whole family are happy that I am at home keeping everything ticking over. We don't need any more money and our family life would not improve if I worked. Things are find as they are and we are very happy.

It's my choice to stay at home and if other people don't like it I don't care.

I worked in London for almost 20 years and I work just as hard now as I did then.

I did think it was funny that Matthew Wright thinks that sitting on his backside reading off of an autocue is work but me watching him while doing my ironing and rushing around during the adverts breaks hanging out washing, sorting washing and checking on tonight's dinner simmering on the hob, is not.

It's a glorious day out there but the only time I have been out is to hang washing or do the school runs.

I'm about to go out in the garden to clean bird poo of the garden furniture before finishing the weeding I didn't have to do yesterday.

Such a glamourous life!

I watched the wright stuff and they failed to tackle a fundamental issue, if you don't need to work why should you?.

I'm a SAHM my son is 2 I'd love to work, due to the cost of childcare that ain't happening until he's school age but anyway.

We got what 3 million? unemployed in this country, SAHMs are kept by the BF/DH etc now if that guys a banker or something earning 40k a year why the hell should the woman work? if you have a kid under 7 you can't get JSA, you get CB regardless of earnings and Tax credits are linked to earnings not employment/unemployment if you see what I mean etc. if you don't NEED to work then don't there are people out there who really need the jobs let them have a living they got bills to pay, they get JSA and HB they need it.

Thats my 2 pence on the subject, if you are living comfortability let those who who really need an income go for it, you are not a burden on the state or any shit like that.

My god I think I'm drunk again and I'm almost out of ice cold beer damn this weather.

I agree with others. Wright Stuff and Womans Own? Do they really think women would take advice from these? Pleeeeease.

MW is a puerile slimebucket.
Ignore.

He's all right he's just s shit stirrer who the fuck knows what he really thinks all he does is play devil advocat all the time.

Thanks guys,

Ryoko you made me chuckle-perhaps i should pop off to beer garden when weathers nice:)

Im not shocked my mw attitude as thats always been well known and he loves mumsnet as much show material.

I watch as background noise change from playhouse junior makes me chuckle at times.

What shocked me is this poor lady wrote in for advice and all they said was your husbands right get a job.

2nd the people phoning in all thourght sahm were lazy I know big enough sample to be representative of population as whole.

Sadly hubbys not a rich city banker. but he earns ok money, we shop around, buy 2nd hand and do all we can to save money so hols this year sunny devon again.

Would be nice to have a disposable income every thing we have goes on kids activities main thing is them being happy and doing well.

I guess with 2 under 3,s I have good excuse.
Think going back uni next year so when they do start school year apart can maybe find something want to do as probably retirement age be 75 by then.

I have a freind whos had a baby well 14months now but she said no one warns you how expensive they are, how the shift never ends, how tired you will be.
The lack of financial independance and seeing adult company and just being appeciated as paid work is seen as more work that being at home.
Theres no appraisals, pay rises or promotion most days seem like groundhog day.

I have a few freinds who work and dont have kids and feel lost for conversation non kiddy at times. sometimes its nice just to chat to the postman!

In hubbys last job he had 100application in 2 days for part time temporary 8hour job.
With such high youth unemployement and unemployment in general employers market they have their pick and non flexible mum probably not top of their list despite me having lots qualifications, expereince and skilled multi tasker seems to count for nothing.

I tell my freinds who havent had kids yet you cant have it all used to think I could. when worked full time earnt 1200 paid 800 nursery fees.
to pay childcare for all 3 kids fulltime £90 a day in school term and more in hols as be hard to cover the whole 13weeks off a year and inset days they get.

I would love to work but accept I cant right now and focusssing on my 3kids I chose to have. Maybe when one of them leading the country will ring into wright stuff!

Yesterday was so lazy did

2school runs
3loads laundry
hoovered downstairs twice
set up paddling pool for kids
cooked homemade tea
went to corner shop and butcher.
got 3kids ion bed asleep
then tidies up and scrubbed lounge
put more washing on line
washed up and cleaned kitchen
changed bedding in our room
quick tidy/clean of bathroom.
listed some stuff ebay
ocado arrived late just after 89 put shopping away then that woke up the 1 year old and 2.5year old they were screaming, ocado man looked like he couldent get away fast enough.
chucked some pizzas in oven for hubby an stepson who had just arrived home.
got 2younger ones back to sleep.
ended up throughout the night with all 3kids getting in my bed so bnot the most comfy nights sleep and baby still does not sleep through night.

today was 6am start
everyone have breekie
sent oldest 2 out diy shoping with daddy.
have to dress younger 2
wash up
hoover lounge/diner again
get more washing on.
think about taking them somewhere.
lunch
doing bbq for tea.

have mountain laundry to put away and bathroom to clean.
more stuff to list on ebay.

If you want to stay at home thats fine, but it is a piece of piss compared to working. I am home with 2 kids at mo and dh is working full time and I have it way easier than him. I think it makes people look crazy when they try and make out it is super stressful and busy constantly.

If one partner calls another lazy for staying home, then there would be a need for a discussion as to whether both were happy with the decision. Being a SAHP means both parties being happy not just the one who gets to not work.

I would class it as a little lazy if the state was picking up some of the living costs in the form of top up benefits as adults able to work should pay their own way in life.

I agree with Molly, staying home is far easier than working and still having to do everything else. The lists make me laugh, there are no fairies who do those tasks for working mums.

"The lists make me laugh, there are no fairies who do those tasks for working mums."

The "faires" are the army of child care professionals who educate, feed and clean up after your child while you are work. It is hard work being a nursery nurse or a child minder. If child is in daycare then they don't need meals cooked at home. All their messy play is done at nursery.

In our area childcare typically costs £4.50 an hour. If you have three kids then you have to earning a lot to make it financially worth it.

I wish people would stop being so insecure and get on with their own lives.

I work in childcare and still thinks those lists are ridiculous.