SAHM mums lazy debate-womens own and wright stuff c5

[griff31]

I was watching wright stuff this morning.

There was a phone in about letter written into womans own agony aunt.

lady from cardiff 3kids all in primary, her husband says if shes doesnt work then he struggling to love her and shes lazy.

The advice given was go out and get a job.

They then discussed as panel and had phone in,
I normally like the wright stuff but was very onesided.

son much hatred towards stay at home mums dont get it?

Im sahm of 3kids. went back full time after 1st.
but my youngest is 1 and midle 2.5 starts preschool 3hours a day from september.
eldest is 6 and in year 1 primary.

My husband works retail manager and works long hours various shifts including weekends/bank hols.

tax credits went in april.
im not claiming jsa
just cb.

we married, hubby works full time.
we have no family nearby middle child does 1 day a week nusery for her own development shes september so just missed a year so another 2years until she starts primary.

average nursery fees here £40 aday.-latest nursery shuts is 6pm.
school breckfast club is £2.50 a day 8am-9am
afterschool club is 37 3.15-5.30
holiday clubs about £80 per week.

eldest does clubs 3nights a week rainbows 4.45-5.45 so uuslaly mad rush egt back from school have tea then back out again.

thursaday gym 4-45-5.45 again mad rush so 3.15 school pickup rush home get eldest changed and snack. back out drop at gym 4.45.
5pm pick middle child up from nursery then go back to gym pick up eldest get home do tea, bath and homework.

Eldest school quite academic so has homework every night.

eldest would like to do more but dont have time to do more.

Just imagining all 3 in school with homework and clubs makes me feel tired already.

Thats not including play dates and flipping birthday parties better social life than me.

Used to think prekids being at home I would have loads of time.
but the weekdays go so quick.

I do 3loads laundry a day-use cloth nappies too.
packed lunches
mostly home cooked dinners.

The kids very messy have loose routine what gets cleaned and what day.

I do combination of going into store shopping as farmfoods and lidls dont do online and do main shop online but find not very timesaving takes me ages.

if weathers nice I try take kids to park/
I also take younger ones to 2-3toddler groups a week.
or try do some one to one activity with each child each week too.

Tried to get part time job before 3rd was born but all employers want full flexible moment you say you a mum and need set shifts they not interested.
yet i worked from 15 -age 30 and have Alevels and degree.

when not looking after kids, house or cooking.
im listing stuff on ebay to bring some money in.
That then funds stuff kids need.

I do miss being out at work, adult company at times
think workings easier.
i love my kids and chose to have 3 all 3planned.

I know im fortunate we survive on one wage its hard at times as every things gone up, kids are pricey and havent been abroad in years.

I resent the fact the society seems to think all mums sponge off state and are lazy. There are a few mums in eldests year who work but they either have free childcare family. 1 of the parent has flexible hours ie self employed or they just have 1-2kids at most to juggle.

3 kids seems quite common here and know a few at school who dont work but they always busy they not ladies who do lunch type people.

its so hard to find family freindly employers as school holidays so long, kids get sick.

Both me and hubby had terrible time when I went back to school after 1st was born when child was sick.We both worked for same company and eldest had just started nursery got every bug going and i chose to send hubby then got told my my area manager that i should have gone and hubby stay in work we were in different stores at the time,They made it so crap and damaged promotional opportunities that I chose to quit.

Being a mum feels like shift never ends as younger 2 still not sleeping through night. Have looked for nigh shifts but nothing would really love the additional income.

I do wonder if other working mums veiw me as lazy.
I tried working and dident work for me as sector and employer I worked with wasent family freindly.

How does everyone else feel? cant believe womans own has such a backwards attitude.

I've found that a number of my colleagues (both sexes) were pretty damned lazy, though present in the office and allegedly working.

You can find idlers nigh on anywhere.

widow
Firstly I would like to apologise for my spelling which you have kindly pointed out, assumingly to make me look stupid even tho my dyslexia is mild enough that most is caught by spell check some words I spell wrong are the same as other words.

As I have said I make no comment on any other man, but if it makes you feel better...
I also do all the painting and decorating, cut the grass and DIY. No sexism here.

I also wouldn't eat my mothers cooking. She is rubbish at it too.

house - i have typos and spelling mistakes gallore and i don't even have dyslexia to excuse it if the biggest thing someone can pick on is your typos/spelling mistakes then the bottom of the barrel is being scraped imo.

(if i had a choice i wouldn't eat my own cooking)

Hehe

Swallowedafly
I unfortunately had to learn to cook or I would have poisened my children. I have in the past phoned my dad to ask him how to poach an egg.

i have exploded eggs just last week by forgetting i was boiling them - they go off like gun shots - literally on the ceiling and everywhere.

if i ever got married i would want someone who'd do the majority of the cooking and all of the ironing and putting away of clothes. i find it is not the kind of thing you can put in a dating profile though.

What the hell where you putting them in a microwave? how the hell do you explode an egg?.

apparently you just forget you've put eggs on to boil and they explode themselves when the water evaporates and the pan keeps heating. no special skill required.

but you know this is why i think what utter bs when posters claim their husbands can't possibly cook their children tea because they don't know how to cook. i'm clearly not a natural in the kitchen but my child does not starve. today we had grilled sausages, steamed veg and a bung it in the oven olive bread for tea. it doesn't take skill to make an edible balanced-ish meal.

my dh is a great cook,so am i though,but i prefer things which are either quick or you can leave to cook,no standing around stirring etc,drives me mad.Neither of us could cook before ds 2 was born,we just kind of had to learn,because we were sick of eating takeaways and sauces out of jars,and didn't want the kids to eat that kind of stuff.Turns out if you follow a recipe word for word using all the right ingredients and tools,it actually tastes nice!

Shame on your widow for pulling up another poster on spelling . I have family members with dyslexia and spelling pedants give me murderous impulses

Swallowedafly.
I don't think I will ever be a GOOD cook but get by, most meals have some sort of veg some form of pasta, rice or potatoe (rarely chips or waffles) and quorn something so I don't think it is that bad. (I do use jar sauces for things) I would love to say I cook all meals from scratch but I although i like to bake when it comes to meals I just haven't got the enthusiasm.

I do like to find and try recipes now and again but sometimes they end up with a call to pizza hut so maybe it's healthier for my children if I stick to what I know :)

I did however put a massive flat pack wardrobe together yesterday so I have my strengths

i'd choose the wardrobe over the drudge of cooking meals any day. i don't think realistically anyone is inherently 'bad' at cooking, i just think some of us don't have a great love for it and like anyting you need enthusiasm to get good at something.

i make great cakes when i feel like it and can pull off a few special dishes when i want to but the day to day meals have to be cooked and eaten and blah blah blah i find incredibly dull. left to my own devices i really wouldn't do meals every day - i'd just eat something when i felt hungry.

the reason i have been ok as a sahm up to now is not due to my great domestic skills (i don't have them and don't care) but because i'm good at relying on my own resources - i can entertain myself, enjoy my time and company, cope without praise and status from others. i think these are more the key ingredients of a happy sahp than cooking and cleaning skills (they're not really skills let's face it that you can't learn if you want to).

i hate the sahm/wohm bullshit debates because i really think that a lot of it is just about temperament - some of us are better off out there and need that status and stimulation and praise and such from work and would go cuckoo shut in a house. others of us couldn't bear the idea of rushing round work all day and then having to come home and switch mode into mummy - we'd feel spread too thin. there's no morality in it imo. i just wish that couples organised on temperament rather than gender. then people could play to their strengths.