SAHM mums lazy debate-womens own and wright stuff c5

[griff31]

I was watching wright stuff this morning.

There was a phone in about letter written into womans own agony aunt.

lady from cardiff 3kids all in primary, her husband says if shes doesnt work then he struggling to love her and shes lazy.

The advice given was go out and get a job.

They then discussed as panel and had phone in,
I normally like the wright stuff but was very onesided.

son much hatred towards stay at home mums dont get it?

Im sahm of 3kids. went back full time after 1st.
but my youngest is 1 and midle 2.5 starts preschool 3hours a day from september.
eldest is 6 and in year 1 primary.

My husband works retail manager and works long hours various shifts including weekends/bank hols.

tax credits went in april.
im not claiming jsa
just cb.

we married, hubby works full time.
we have no family nearby middle child does 1 day a week nusery for her own development shes september so just missed a year so another 2years until she starts primary.

average nursery fees here £40 aday.-latest nursery shuts is 6pm.
school breckfast club is £2.50 a day 8am-9am
afterschool club is 37 3.15-5.30
holiday clubs about £80 per week.

eldest does clubs 3nights a week rainbows 4.45-5.45 so uuslaly mad rush egt back from school have tea then back out again.

thursaday gym 4-45-5.45 again mad rush so 3.15 school pickup rush home get eldest changed and snack. back out drop at gym 4.45.
5pm pick middle child up from nursery then go back to gym pick up eldest get home do tea, bath and homework.

Eldest school quite academic so has homework every night.

eldest would like to do more but dont have time to do more.

Just imagining all 3 in school with homework and clubs makes me feel tired already.

Thats not including play dates and flipping birthday parties better social life than me.

Used to think prekids being at home I would have loads of time.
but the weekdays go so quick.

I do 3loads laundry a day-use cloth nappies too.
packed lunches
mostly home cooked dinners.

The kids very messy have loose routine what gets cleaned and what day.

I do combination of going into store shopping as farmfoods and lidls dont do online and do main shop online but find not very timesaving takes me ages.

if weathers nice I try take kids to park/
I also take younger ones to 2-3toddler groups a week.
or try do some one to one activity with each child each week too.

Tried to get part time job before 3rd was born but all employers want full flexible moment you say you a mum and need set shifts they not interested.
yet i worked from 15 -age 30 and have Alevels and degree.

when not looking after kids, house or cooking.
im listing stuff on ebay to bring some money in.
That then funds stuff kids need.

I do miss being out at work, adult company at times
think workings easier.
i love my kids and chose to have 3 all 3planned.

I know im fortunate we survive on one wage its hard at times as every things gone up, kids are pricey and havent been abroad in years.

I resent the fact the society seems to think all mums sponge off state and are lazy. There are a few mums in eldests year who work but they either have free childcare family. 1 of the parent has flexible hours ie self employed or they just have 1-2kids at most to juggle.

3 kids seems quite common here and know a few at school who dont work but they always busy they not ladies who do lunch type people.

its so hard to find family freindly employers as school holidays so long, kids get sick.

Both me and hubby had terrible time when I went back to school after 1st was born when child was sick.We both worked for same company and eldest had just started nursery got every bug going and i chose to send hubby then got told my my area manager that i should have gone and hubby stay in work we were in different stores at the time,They made it so crap and damaged promotional opportunities that I chose to quit.

Being a mum feels like shift never ends as younger 2 still not sleeping through night. Have looked for nigh shifts but nothing would really love the additional income.

I do wonder if other working mums veiw me as lazy.
I tried working and dident work for me as sector and employer I worked with wasent family freindly.

How does everyone else feel? cant believe womans own has such a backwards attitude.

Molly I have been a SAHM and I am now a WOHM, for me being a WOHM is easier than being a SAHM. Perhaps you have family close by who take the strain off you.

I am a SAHM and don't actually care what people think! I would like the extra income, who wouldn't? However with 3 dcs its tricky and i'm pregnant with fourth.

I found that being a working mum was far more enjoyable than being at home with two kids. Computers don't throw tantrums and whinge. Its more interesting being at work than looking after two kids.

Being at home is easier from a practical point of view. I don't have to worry about getting time off for sick kids, teachers going on strike, staying in for plumbers, comet deliveries. I also have more time for the kids.

I am very lucky in that dd goes to nursery part time. I have loads of time to do the stuff on various lists as well as my college course. I am quite happy about the fact I have a cushy exisitance.

I am at home because financially its a no brainer me working. I am doing a web course and I hope to work from home when the kids are older.

I would love to be a SAHM, but I am under no illusion that it would be bloody hard work. It's physically and mentally draining in a way which is hard to understand unless you have actually done it. There is NO WAY you could ever describe being a SAHM as lazy.

One word to all working mums CLEANER.......I love coming home on Friday to a lovely clean house and my ironing all neatly folded in drawers. Love her :)

I dont understand the argument about SAHM's being lazy. Its because everyone in the media is obsessed about money and feminism. You wouldnt call a nanny or childminder lazy, or a cleaner, or a gardener, or a voluntary worker who helped in a school or mothers n toddlers group. The liberal, university,glass ceiling feminists in the media must be totally appalled that a mother can look after her own children all day,day in day out for absolutely nothing!!! Its hardly uncommon neither, i know tonnes of SAHM's.

Ignore what others think and do what is right for you.

I have had some times of not working and some of part-time but now DCs are older I look back and think I would not have had it any other way. I don't care what Matthew Wright or anybody else thinks, DH and I have raised 2 talented and well rounded young people and my role at home has been just as important as his at work.

For someone who complains about "breeders" being lazy Matthew Wright seems to have an awful lot of time off to me. Pot, kettle, black.

Crypes - Very very good point.

Im a sahm to 4 kinds under 4 and another due in a few months.I dont do it because i am lazy,but personally,-and i think i am in the minority-i prefer it to anything else because i enjoy it,and it means i get to spend more time with my kids than if i was at work and they were at school,and also means i can spend more time just relaxing and enjoying the home life,and enjoying my own past times,like reading,sewing etc.

I would be bored in any other job,i know for other people its the other way round though.

As well as that,i also think its important to have one parent at home as long as possible-if possible!plus we are home educating (officially from September)so its not even on my radar to get a job/Surely its one of the things you discuss before having kids?I'm not planning on going back to work ever,unless i have to,and dh wouldn't expect/want me to.

'Im a sahm to 4 kinds under 4 and another due in a few months.I dont do it because i am lazy,but personally,-and i think i am in the minority-i prefer it to anything else because i enjoy it,and it means i get to spend more time with my kids than if i was at work and they were at school,and also means i can spend more time just relaxing and enjoying the home life,and enjoying my own past times,like reading,sewing etc.'

Totally agree with this I am at home at the moment and I love it, so leisurely and laid back.

"The "faires" are the army of child care professionals who educate, feed and clean up after your child while you are work. It is hard work being a nursery nurse or a child minder. If child is in daycare then they don't need meals cooked at home. All their messy play is done at "

My children's nursery nurses neither hoover my floor, nor do they do my laundry, or cook my dinner. I do have to do the shopping myself too. We put our children to bed ourselves, and when they wake at night, we're getting up with the. And the idea that messy play is restricted to nursery makes me laugh. You've really got no idea, do you?

Pros and cons to both I think.
I admire mums that go to work, I am assuming they need to be extra organised (which I'm not) and yes when they come home they still need to do the house stuff too. (but maybe a bit less because there hasn't been little people messing it up all day) they also have the added stress of children being sick, school training days and covering school holidays. But I also envy the adult conversation and sence of achievement that many people get in their work. You just don't get this at home, you clean and 5 mins later it's a mess again.

Staying at home is not constant hard work, and yes I do have lazy days but then there are also really hard days as well. I think the main hard work factor is that you are kind of at the mercy of your children, their mood, if they have slept well... Etc. grumpy children having tantrums all day and bickering makes for a hard day. But then the next might be great and they play nice and calm. So it does kind of feel like your life isn't your own.
But you also get a freedom which you don't get with working.

I think the real issue with this isn't who has better lives because both have positive and negative and bringing up children is hard no matter what you choose to do/need to do. It's the fact this ladies husband says she has to go and get a job, and the fact that mr wright seems to have a thing against mums in general so the reall problem is men in my view

I think its the way you look at it I have done lots of office based roles, prossionally looked after children and have my own. Being with childrn you get a massive sense of achievemnent compared to anything office based imo/

Also I am sahming at the moment and my days are full of adult conversation as I am 70% of time at least with 1 adult at the very least. I do think it is what you make it and it can be mles from a stressful drudge

Molly, I guess it also depends on what sort of work you do or used to do before, I used to do a really rewarding enjoyable job I loved being at work and the people I worked with and I do miss that a bit.
I never said it was a stressful drudge just that some days can be hard and others not.
Yes it is what you make of it but that also depends on your own limitations, e.g school runs, money, transport etc.

But my whole point was neither is right or wrong neither is lesser than the other and no one should have to justifiy themselves. It's also ok to have a moan no matter what your situation because everyone has bad days but also ok to say my life is good as well. Don't think anyone's life is perfect.

"It's the fact this ladies husband says she has to go and get a job"

I wouldn't be happy for my husband to stay at home whilst I go to work and vice versa. Why should a woman have the right to expect their male partner to be the sole earner? If the couple are in agreement about who does what it's a different thing, but he is not unreasonable for him to expect her to contribute financially to the household income.

I have been a sahm for 9 years & my dh works night shifts-we get by and im at home for my youngest 2dcs whilst my eldest 2 are at school.
It works for us, childcare is so expensive by the time i have paid it, it wouldn't be worth working on the minimum wage which is standard for the majority of jobs on offer in my area.
My dh is happy, im happy, kids are happy and that is all that matters-go with what works.
I do all housework, cooking etc except on the rare occasion that dh does it which isnt very often, my youngest is 22mo so she will be going into part time goverment funded nursery next year so when that time comes we have decided that either i find a part-time job that will fit in with his shift and nursery pick ups or we are going to consider adding to our family depending on how we feel next year.
I believe if your a single parent you should be allowed atleast 4 years to be a sahm if you wish or if you have atleast one parent working theres no problem with being a sahm or dad

Well, if you're happy in your arrangement that's ok. But it's perfectly ok, if someone doesn't like that arrangement either. And the argument that there's only minimum wage jobs so it's not worth it - the longer you stay at home and away from the work place the more you sabotage your chances of developing a career and get away from the minimum wage job.

Childcare costs are high, indeed, and the net gain of paid work is vastly reduced until children are in school and the childcare bill drops a little. I see childcare costs as an investment in the future, as staying in the work place upholds and increases our earning power.

more to the point there are frequently no places in the pre and after school clubs as i've found. i'm returning to uni to do my masters in autumn and all i need is one day a week in after school club and i can't get it. waiting lists, priority given to new comers to school and to those who want full time.

yours sounds cheap though - it's £7 per session here and they don't even give them any food.

i'm considering asking a mum up the road if she wants the £7 once a week - she has 3 boys already so one extra can't make much difference can it?

i tell you what does pee me off though is the thought of some sahm living on her husbands money and taking up a place in the after school care so she can 'get some time to herself' whilst a single mum can't get a place to get to work.

I agree widow, if it doesnt work for some people then don't do it especially if your other half isn't happy with the arrangment.
I do think however, in a relationship where the dh and wife both work equal housework and cooking should apply but in most cases it doesn't and one person ends up extremely resentful towards the other as they are still left with the majority of household chores as well as bring half the money in.
I wouldn't dream of taking up a breakfast club place or a after school place just to have some peace & quiet.
The reason i wont do a minium wage part-time job is because the childcare charges outway the wages and we wouldn't be able to afford our bills or rent.
But if there was ever to be a job which would fit in with my dhs 2 days of and the small time in between i would snap it up but then again we wouldn't have any time together so think im better of being a sahm for now.
I admire mums that go out to work and juggle motherhood especially single mums/dads, you are superstars and one day i hope i can be like that too

Widow
"I wouldn't be happy for my husband to stay at home whilst I go to work and vice versa"

I wouldn't either, he wouldn't do any house work just sit and play the Xbox all day and I certainly wouldn't eat his cooking

I frequently eat his cooking, he has to do the same amount of housework as me, as we're both work full time. I find the meme that men by default are useless at household tasks pretty damaging for both sexes.

Oh dear me widow are you having a bad day? Or do you just naturally have no sence of humor? Both my points you have argued have had great big s after them, correct me if I am wrong but sometimes people like a joke.?

And no I know nothing about your husband or his cooking or indeed how much house work he does. I didn't mention any other man's ability to do housework or cooking appart from mine... And for your information he is rubbish.

By the way... The sky is blue

I just don't get why anyone would let their partner get away with "being rubbish at housework". If that makes me humourless, so be it.

I'm just bored with the suggestion that men have a god given right to be crap at doing household tasks, and that those men who aren't are somehow special and deserve medals for doing no more than what their female partners do too.

Every time someone says "oh, me hubster he's crap at doing house work" with a big a kitten dies the status quo is reinforced.

I've got a sense of humour, I just find sexism not particularly funny.