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This New Year, The Fledglings are Flying a new approach

824 replies

HillsBesideTheSea · 31/12/2021 16:54

Hello and welcome to new and old.

If you are new around here. Hi, introduce yourself around the fire pit in the naughty corner where we are all sitting comfortably. The naughty corner is decked out with comfy, and snacks, and a place just to have a chat when things haven't gone to plan. We are a very long running thread but do love new blood stopping by to join us.

Welcome to those who are returning.

We had a chat on the previous thread about possibly trying a new twist on the fly lady system. We all know that the fly lady system is good for establishing routines when we follow it. But we also know that sometimes we need a quick hit of a big declutter. And that life has a habit of throwing curve balls making it very difficult to stay on track.

So this is the plan. Each evening I will post the babystep, a thought point and the flylady daily focuses. We are not giving up on the fly lady system but just bringing it into line with the individuality of our lives, and trying to resolve some of the issues that comes from being the family brain, trying to do all the things and generally having modern busy lives. The thought point is to try to get you to think differently. And may require a click on a link (video), a discussion on the thread, or just you considering things. I do not promise it will make you feel better, or magically change your house straight away. But hopefully it will help with the overall flow and approach. And may just tweak the twee out of the fly lady system to the point where it is now your system.

But before you entirely regret your choices in letting my try this craziness we are going to start with some key basics that I really do think has been incorporated well into the Flylady system.

  1. the mess, disorder and chaos did not happen over night. Give yourself the grace and time to fix it. (also known as roman weren't built in a day so don't kill yourself trying to get your house immaculate in a day)
  1. Goals vs system.
We will go into this a little more shortly but to start, the fly lady system has an end goal - a house which is tidy and clean that comes second nature. It achieves it by building habits and routines that make the steps needed to achieve that goal second nature. There is a lot of research that says goals don't work, systems do. And systems are built on the formation of habits.
  1. You are never behind.
You might not be making the progress you would like, you may have taken a break. But you are not behind. So again, give yourself a break and drop the guilt. There is probably a reason why you have taken a break - illness, other demands on time, mental health etc etc. And yes some days it is an effort to make sure that everyone is fed and ok. But that is ok, so give yourself grace that on that day that was exactly what was needed and thus you succeeded in the essential goal of the day. guilt is just going to make things harder than it needs to be. It is ok not to feel guilty if you did not do all the things.

I will be back later with links for tomo. I am posting them in the evening the night before because some of us are morning people, and some of us are night people. And this way everyone will be able to see prior to when they need to consider it.

Come park your broom in the new thread for a little while and have a natter whilst we wait to bring in the New year.

OP posts:
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Mc3209 · 06/01/2022 21:25

Fly I used to adore my heated bed sheet (that goes under a normal bed sheet and makes the bed nice and toasty). Now I have a little human co-sleeping with me I can't use it until said little human will relocate into his own bed, which he shows no intention of doing.

frankiefirstyear · 06/01/2022 21:39

Fly off to Google 'heated throw' I love the heat of an electric blanket but the wire dig into me so had to abandonSadnever heard of a heated throw!

ExtremelyDetermined · 06/01/2022 22:04

We have two heated throws for the sofa (started with one but we used to fight over it). They are SO good. The cats love them too.

We have silicone sheets too, use them all the time on baking trays to stop food sticking, they are brilliant.

merryhouse · 06/01/2022 23:01

took down the decorations and got them all in the loft
made pies and mashed swede
errrrrmmm...

I ordered some reduced christmas cards yesterday. Unfortunately I appear to have done so twice (because the whole thing just disappeared the first time) and Enquiries are sending an out-of-office automatic reply which says they'll be back on the phones on the 4th...
ah well, the postage was only 4.95 each time Xmas Shock

will we have decided to wait until the census is available free. I'm not sure it will tell us anything particularly exciting anyway, though I'm still intrigued as to what happened to baby great-uncle ernest...

HazelNuttyElf · 07/01/2022 04:40

Hello all 👋
It's been a weird week for me, I had a really lazy weekend, including Tuesday, my day off work. I did manage to wash my sheets and run a couple of errands outside of the house, but mostly sat and watched movies 😳

I think I may have redeemed myself tonight though (of course I'm back to work as normal this week).
Ta Das:
🛷 DW loaded & turned on (DS had emptied it earlier)
🛷 handwash dishes washed, dried and put away
🛷 all countertops wiped down
🛷 microwave cleaned
🛷 sink shined
🛷 kitchen bin emptied and cleaned
🛷 multiple trips downstairs to put things away that seemed to have just gathered in the kitchen (drives me crazy)
🛷 sorted papers out, but still have filing to do
🛷 cleaned the main bathroom as I'm embarrassed to say it's been a few days since it was cleaned 😳 I have got to add S&S to my day somehow

The kitchen is looking much better and cleaner ignoring the pantry downstairs

🍒 👋 to everyone, sorry for lack of personals, must get in the shower so I can go to bed asap.

Stilllivinginazoo · 07/01/2022 06:13

Morning all.lots going on here yesterday dd2 was very stressed returning to school,involving not eat or drink and a near collapse

MrsTidyHouse · 07/01/2022 06:40

From Hills 2nd Jan

The thinking point is the difference between self soothe and self care. The commercial approach/instagram/social media approach to self care has a strong tendancy to Self soothe rather than actually being self care. So what is the difference?

TW For me , this shows itself in food. I've mentioned before in a self-deprecating way the biscuits-instead-of-salad habits. I've gradually absorbed the idea that such things are something I deserve, but the fact of the matter is that so-called pampering and/or treats are for me on the slippery slope to the self-harm of bingeing and self-neglect.

Also with tv or streaming services, I quickly slide into bingeing by watching for hours on end when on my own. Then other things get neglected, leading to an unhappy household. If I have a pampering (hate that word btw) bath, it feels woderful during, but plays havoc with my dermatological disorder after.

Yesterday evening, after LOs asleep, I made poor food choices which felt immediately good. I'm paying the price now, and self-care must be my number one priority, starting with better planning.

Redsquirrel5 · 07/01/2022 07:46

Keep getting booted off and having to create an account then tells me to log in. Annoying!

Hazel I do the S&S every morning when I get up. It gets quicker. Then I clean most of the bathroom on Monday’s home bleugh time. Don’t know if this will help. Scrunch thing and Method cleaner out so a grab and swish around the basin. Use loo roll and Method for the toilet and put duck down every few days and try to leave it for a few hours if possible so cleans itself.

I went to bed early and I’m awake early/ decent time.

Yesterday
✅I cleaned another drawer while waiting for the kettle to boil. It houses foil, cling film( rarely used) and grease proof paper also Magic liner from Lakeland and a small tray with bits and bobs. Bun cases. So that is the 2x three drawer sets done. The reorganising is working.

I still need to clean corner cupboard, under the sink and wall cupboards.
✅All the kitchen decorations away except the swag on top of the dresser we decide to leave that on. Put it all in a box marked kitchen.
✅Went for PCR test and bit annoyed that I had to wait for booking to find a sign saying
✅Sitting room. Spent afternoon putting away decorations. DH took the tree down and put boxes into the loft.
✅vacuumed.
✅made vegetable sauce with everything needed used up in the fridge. Aubergine 1/2, courgette, onion,carrots, red pepper, new mushrooms, anchovies x3, garlic and a jar of passata. DH finished the spaghetti and I had last of pasta twists. Two glasses of a very acceptable red wine.
✅ outside lights brought in and packed away by DH.

Plan for this morning
S&S
Clean top of fridge.
Hang curtains in sitting room. Hunt out cushion covers.
General tidy and dust.
Light fire as it was freezing here yesterday. Snow predicted today.
Lunch - tuna salad, we’ve run out of bread.

IWasWillingToGoWassailing · 07/01/2022 08:21

Morning all! Yesterday ended up a bit chaotic as FIL's GP chose to ring him and say "your son says you're a terrible driver, stop at once", despite a letter from the social worker explaining the actual position, so FIL is furious and DH is sad.

Red I'm glad the reorganisation is effective.
Hazel you deserved some time to sit and watch movies! I know we are talking about self-soothe vs self-care, but we must not underestimate the importance of rest. We are not actually machines who can keep going til the charge runs down (yes, zoo, I am definitely looking at you, lovely ❤️).

Mc have "fun" with fridge cleaning.

Merry you are not wrong, the 1921 census is surprisingly disappointing, particularly for the cost. It offers less information than 1911 and really only confirms location. And my thoughts on FindMyPast and their price gouging are currently unprintable.

That hope you have got everyone back to school in one piece.

🍒👋 to everyone else. Ladyrattles that was a close call with the microwave! Glad you spotted it before disaster occurred. Frankie hope you found a heated throw.

We appear to have arrived at Friday and I'm still running my to do list from Tuesday. Hey ho.

Ta da:
❤️ DS3 got a better sleep with his phone charging on his desk not his bedside table and his nightlight more purple than blue 👍🏻
🧡 Woke DS3 and got him to his 8am lesson (still in his onesie!)
💛 Woke DD and got emla cream applied in advance of blood test
💚 Decided tea and MN was preferable to early morning Pilates 😳
💙 Did the Wordle

To do:
🐘 Get dressed etc, breakfast, meds
🐘 Usual morning routine house stuff
🐘 Put my clean washing away
🐘 Prep for phone call at 11 - another historian has asked me to join them in a tender for work and I am terrified that I am not good or experienced enough.
🐘 Get DD into school after blood test
🐘 Ring DM and ask if she has a spare LFT I can pinch - I am going to visit darling friend in a hospice on Monday and will not be allowed in without one. Postal system in crisis here (our MP is involved, first class taking ten days to get out or in) so I need to source one physically somewhere.
🐘 Get cracking on BuJo stuff -I have done this week by the seat of my pants and I really hate doing that!

HillsBesideTheSea · 07/01/2022 09:01

Red how are your chicken fairing with the bird flu restrictions?

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 07/01/2022 10:07

Morning everyone.

Ta Da:
-Took dog out
-Fed animals
-Folded Clean laundry and put a lol on
-Made ds lunch and got him on the move
-Did another lol and hung out
-Put next load in ready to turn on after work if the rest is dry
-Sorted meds for the week
-Analysed my mark books to see whose below target so I can focus on them during assessments today.

I have an hour till I go to work and will probably just chill and then get ready.

SingToTheSky · 07/01/2022 10:44

YesTaDa
🤖rested
🤖job centre call
🤖vaguely helped undecorate the tree (while sitting down)

Today, only woke just after ten. Hoping for slightly more energy than yesterday!

SingToTheSky · 07/01/2022 12:25

Right. Still feeling rubbish but not quite as bad as yesterday so I’m going to try and move around a bit rather than stagnate on my phone for another day. Much as I don’t blame myself for self soothing yesterday (really wasn’t capable of much else) it doesn’t do much good in the long run.

po3.1
❗️Gather laundry and put LOL on
❗️Bring down the embarrassing amount of crockery that has gathered in our room
❗️Put some reading books away

SingToTheSky · 07/01/2022 13:27

Knackered and heart-racey after those simple tasks so safely back on the sofa and have been catching up on the thread a bit.

po3.2 (for newbies this is Power of Three - when overwhelmed, pick three things to do and forget the rest for now)
❗️Bit of digital cluttering - emails, notes, alarms etc
❗️Fold and put away clean spare bedding
❗️Log on to work laptop and see if I can find something to do

Shannaratiger · 07/01/2022 15:49

Afternoon all
po3

  • put away laundry
  • deleted emails
  • Emailed school about DS's work experience. He absolutely doesn't want to do it, I think due to his anxiety, and I'm not forcing him! I'm feeling really anxious and guilty about it but have asked if the school can find something for him to do in school. I think he will not be the only one because a lot of children have not had any replies to the emails they've sent.

Tomorrow Dd has her Covid booster so preparing for a difficult weekend.

Really need to find a book on beating anxiety because I'm struggling so much and so are the dc's.

Sing hope you're feeling better soon
Zoo hoping dd2 is now ok being back at school

Am thinking about buying some of the silicone oven liners as well

Need to think what to do for tea
Have a good evening

BeanAnTae · 07/01/2022 17:13

Shannaratiger we are bringing ds for his second shot on Sunday.

Got out for a lovely 30 minute walk today. Just working in the house really does my mental health in. I do need a walk in the daylight and fresh air ❤️

BeanAnTae · 07/01/2022 17:16

Crikey Wassail that postal system in your neck of the woods really has gone offline. I suppose with Avian flu the pigeon post would be no better.

You'll need to train WassailHound as messenger hound.

Redsquirrel5 · 07/01/2022 18:16

Feeling tired.

Manage to change curtains by myself.
Cleaned all of sitting room except under sofa. I’ll do it another day.
Put away a few things. Sorted candles out. We have too many so I need to light one every day.
DH made pheasant broth for lunch. I forgot it was Friday and ate some.
DS1 did a bit of shopping so I have some bread, marzipan, more icing sugar, oat milk and a local paper. He said it was a random list.😂
Haven’t finished the rest of the kitchen cupboards but will do some tomorrow.

Wassailing as long as DH puts them in the new places. Not too much change but things like sieves and re organised the pan drawers so they fit new ones in middle drawer, old ones that don’t work on the new hob but will work on the hot plate bottom drawer with sieves and grater. I put a square Le Crueset dish in far cupboard which created more room. TK Maxx I discovered a few years ago has random dishes much cheaper than usual.
I think if another historian asked you then you are indeed able. Your passion shines through.

Hills they are ok at the moment though the county has the highest recorded and some swans have died recently which is a concern and they are testing them. I have covered the pen with a light tarpaulin and the run attached to the coop has a corrugated, clear roof kept down by some poles. They’ve been in bed most of the time as it is bloody cold here. It was snowing earlier. Came down very quickly and the car was covered in about 15 mins. Imagine there will be more tonight.

Everyone seems very busy do you think there is a renewed enthusiasm since Christmas. If we can keep going then keeping on top of things will be easier. More difficult with little ones but getting older ones involved should help. Mind you I think DD was ether at tidying at 3 than fifteen.

Redsquirrel5 · 07/01/2022 18:22

Bean I know what you mean about having a walk in fresh air but our near neighbours looked frozen coming back from walking the rotties. They finished the circuit while it was snowing.

Ladyrattles · 07/01/2022 18:43

Bean hope your walk was good. Like Red I also saw neighbours out walking (past our window) and they looked frozen.

Did a large Tesco food shop and laminated a piece of card. Ive not really done anything else today... apart from cooking for everyone right now, which involves 3 different meals

frankiefirstyear · 07/01/2022 21:03

Wassail what a nightmare re. FIL/DH/doctor 🤯

Tiger what are your thoughts on how to help your and dc anxiety? I find talking therapy, meditation/mindfulness and sitting watching a real open/firepit fire helps me with mine but have to be consistent and not just tap into it when things are at breaking point. Hope you find some support Thanks

I managed to muck out the outdoor animals today and the sleet snow started before I'd even taken my coat off so felt like that was a major win with timing for me. This morning I went to brush dogs at a rescue centre so house work has taken a back seat in exchange for some animal joy. I'm dogless for the first time in 30 years and it feels grim but so difficult matching with rescues when LO's are involved ☹️ the process is so disheartening when I apply and hear nothing.

Redsquirrel5 · 07/01/2022 21:34

ED I will look for that marzipan when I am allowed out. It sounds lovely.I didn’t have the heart to ask DS1 to go to Sainsbury’s as it is further than Tesco’s and then he can slip down the Motorway to us.
Ladyrattles Yes, mum used to make it. Almonds, eggs, icing sugar I can’t remember what else. It tasted nicer than shop bought.
That must have been scary re microwave. Nothing like have that inward smirk that you were right.

Zoo are you ok? I hope the teens are stepping up to help you. Schools hear are struggling and the hospital has gone into crisis due to numbers increasing and staff shortages. Could you get a shopping delivery now?

Stir fry salmon Chinese style with noodles and veg with Sticky Toffee Pudding and sauce made with oat cream. DH had the pasta and veg from last night after a bowl of soup. STP and crime fraiche and sauce!

Plan to finish the kitchen tomorrow. Might put a timer on to speed myself up.

Anyone have anything interesting to do this weekend? We are forecast snow so won’t be going anywhere even if we can. My chest is a bit sore today not sure if it is asthma but luckily I have some steroids in case of allergic reaction so if it gets worse I can take those.

Redsquirrel5 · 07/01/2022 21:45

Frankie thinking about another thread a lady advised me that people sometimes return dogs to the breed register people. Sometimes because they are unable to exercise or look after their pet any longer. Could that be an option?

swallowedAfly · 08/01/2022 05:05

Definitely agree Squirrel - ds loved washing up standing on a chair and cleaning cupboard doors when he was 3. Now I have to nag and moan for a whole day to get him to turn the dishwasher around or get the rubbish and plates out of his room at 14.

I went to sleep early then woke up at 3, ds fell asleep even earlier and woke up at midnight - neither of us are really back in the swing of school yet.

I'm hoping to get to the gym later if friend is going. Haven't been in ages despite paying every month because I'm still in contract.

My first po3 when I manage to get up is:
-feed animals
-put lol on
-fold dry laundry.

Look out for private ads for adopting Frankie. It's perhaps advised against but you do see the odd genuine clearly a good dog but someone moving overseas or owner has died or something and they're trying to rehome privately rather than put the dog through the trauma of rescue centre kennels. Obviously with provisos to be very careful.

THATlittleCRACKER · 08/01/2022 08:09

Oh bum

I went AWOL

Essay done and submitted. Next one due in 12 days 😑 Sing i do not ever recommend doing double OU modules. Fml.

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