Missed uni offer after difficult year and unsure about resitting or just pushing ahead? Any advice?

[chrisijj]

This ended up super long my apologies :(! Had a lot on my mind but tried my best to cut it down

I had an offer to study a degree at Cambridge that i’d wanted for years and genuinely loved, it’s a degree only offered there. I narrowly missed it, i had a remark done but it was unsuccessful and i’m now 8 marks away on the paper i had remarked and its hit me harder than i expected.

I’ve struggled with my mental health since around gcses, i went through a very similar period where my mental health deteriorated badly, i didn’t have enough support and i still managed to get all As and over though i fell short of the goals i’d had for myself.

In sixth form i was still carrying a lot of those issues. My parents had divorced during gcses and my mum moved out during year 12 and my sister left for uni and i stayed with my dad for the stability. He often wasn’t around much because of work and theyd been separated for a while (but living together) and my mum did almost all of the childcare so i was looking after myself a lot more. There were periods where i was struggling quite badly and would be out walking around late at night, and i also had to deal with food and the mess of the house a lot and eventually developed a folic acid deficiency.

Then a relative died in the summer of year 12 and i moved in with my mum. I only got my stuff back, clothes, desk, pc, all of it, about 6 months after moving in with her, after she threatened to call social services (for some reason ???), i passed that onto my dad and (they don’t talk) i was FINALLY blessed with all my stuff after living in an utterly empty room with a fold up bed for months.

A few months into year 13 i was sought out diagnosed with depression despite a hell of a lot of discouragement from my mum. By the time i got my camb offer i was incredibly happy but about a month afterwards i started to realise my mental health was deteriorating again. I could see myself heading towards the same place i’d been in during my gcses, including struggling with suicidal thoughts and not having enough support, and i became really worried i’d push through and get good enough grades to technically do well but miss something that mattered enormously to me.

I actually raised with my school the possibility of sitting my A-levels the following year because of this. I was reassured i’d have support so i decided to continue. A few months later, about a month before my exams, i ended up in hospital for a couple of days because of my mental health. I went back to school afterwards and carried on. Exam season was horrible and i came out with AAA.

Now i’ve missed camb and i’m in a very bad place again and my mum has been pushing strongly for me to go to my insurance. She’s been asking when i’m buying things and when i’m moving, telling other people i’m going in September, getting family and family friends to encourage me. I understand why, it’s a very good uni and she wants me to take the opportunity i’ve been given. She isn’t someone who’s never cared about my mental health but she struggles to understand it and conversations about it can become quite harsh and dismissive. Right now i don’t feel like we’re actually having a conversation about whether i’m ready, it feels like the decision’s already been made and i’m genuinely not sure that im ready.

I’m struggling with fairly basic day-to-day things right now. Moving hours away, looking after myself, making friends from scratch, adjusting to a completely new environment and immediately starting uni-level work feels like a lot when i’m already struggling. At the same time i desperately don’t want to give up on cambridge, especially since the degree isn’t offered anywhere else. My plan in taking a resit would be to try get back in and ive contacted some colleges. A single A-level resit can potentially be considered where there are exceptional circumstances which im not even sure I qualify, but i’ve also been told a stronger application would generally involve resitting all three together.

I know resitting doesn’t guarantee another offer, i could spend another year working towards camb, improve my grades and still be rejected, but if i don’t try i worry i’ll always wonder whether i could have done it if i’d been in a better position. I also have to be honest about whether i’d actually be mentally ready for somewhere like camb even with another offer, a year out wouldn’t magically fix everything and camb would still be a huge move and academically demanding, so i’m also questioning whether i need more time to become stable before starting uni anywhere.

The problem is resitting would mean committing to another year of exams when i’m currently not in a good mental state, i’d have to decide very soon and then commit to getting through another year. So i feel completely stuck.

What makes this so difficult is ive already seen this pattern once during my gcses and i was worried about it happening again before my exams even started, i tried to flag it and i carried on anyway, and now the thing i was frightened of has happened.
I don’t really have anyone helping me weigh this up properly. My family are mostly encouraging me to go and i understand why, but i don’t feel like anyone’s helping me think through whether i’m actually in a position to do it. I just wish i’d pushed harder for help when i knew things were getting bad.

Just any advice would be super helpful, sorry for the rambly post

Hiii thank you for your questions,

I don’t mind my insurance - I liked it at the time - lecturer seemed great, and it had a lovely classic university feel, big campus and all.

I think the issue I’ve been having in my mind since is that its a very different environment to Cambridge. I also definitely had a one track mind for Cambridge so thinking about going to my insurance became associated with being negative.

Now it’s a big mental adjustment, not helped by my current high emotions and all.

I brought up deferring to mum in our conversation. She definitely was more amenable to that option but one aspect of our talk was that she has a hard time seeing me when I feel mentally low, at home - she feels like I’m not progressing and it’s stresses her. I think if I had a plan set out to give her it could be a more convincing option. However, one thing I now have to more heavily consider is staying at home and doing anything - rewrite or trying to get myself together - at home whether it be with my mum or my dad. And to be honest, seeing how being at home treated me during my A levels it wouldn’t be the easiest choice.

Warwick! I well understand what I am gently calling the Oxbridge obsession, because so many of our students share it. But the top UK tier in many STEM subjects is abbreviated to COWI and I am sure you can guess what that means. A good Warwick degree is internationally esteemed and will get you where you want to go in this world.

Bluntly, I think anyone would be making a mistake to turn down Warwick for what is realistically a slim shot at Cambridge. The only equivalent is Imperial.

Depending on your degree choice, Warwick may or may not let you defer. Find out today.
If they do, make the best decision for your own health. Tell your mum the point is not to mope but to get better and it will be easier if she can put her anxiety for you to the side and help you. Poetryandwine has seen far to much about how difficult life for depressed students can be and wants better for you.

If Warwick won’t let you defer: I think you need to grab this chance. (Student Finance England will fund you for one year beyond the length of your original degree programme, so keep that in mind) But you will need to start on Monday to do everything to put supports into place to give yourself the best possible chance to succeed.

Does your GP know what you’ve been through? If not, start there so you can get documentation for the Disability Office (whatever it is called), which I very, very much hope you will register with immediately. You should be on their books before you need them. Some kind of proactive therapy, either medical or psychological as you prefer, might be good - it’s all about what you would like and feel ready for, if anything. Your School may be able to offer confidential accommodations. But you must do it according to the regs, and the Office is your guide. Note that the DSA is related but separate.

I hope you can regain full health; you are young and your brain is still being shaped so please give yourself every chance to do that. Very best wishes.

PS Of course going to Warwick now might be best for your health. Only you know.

Honestly in your position I would go to Warwick! It doesn't sound as if your mum is helping your mental state anyway so you might be better off moving away.

You'll find plenty of students at Warwick who wanted Oxford or Cambridge and didn't get in so you really won't be unique and it might help put things into perspective. Cambridge isn't necessarily a good place for anyone who's mentally fragile.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I think the issue I’ve been having in my mind since is that its a very different environment to Cambridge. I also definitely had a one track mind for Cambridge so thinking about going to my insurance became associated with being negative.

Totally understand that but the flipside is that Warwick could be exactly what you need by being that very different environment, while Cambridge could be exactly what you don't need. I say this as a parent of a DS who twice missed out on Cambridge in different circumstances (rejected post-interview then ARP) and is going to Warwick, and honestly when you've made the adjustment it's a huge relief to be going somewhere that's still really good, but going to be so much less intense so he can still have a life and not grind himself into the ground. From all those I know who've been/had DC there, it's a positive, supportive place while also being strong on the academics and career prospects, so really it could be fate taking you where you can recover and have much better times, rather than letting the Cambridge gamble continue to mess with you and hugely complicate your living situation.

Have you got accommodation sorted for Warwick? If so, then I'd take that leap and put all the uncertainty behind you. I hope that's helpful and all goes well. You've done so well and it would suck to have another year of risk and upheaval.

Warwick is a great university the campus is well contained and close to the town as well.

I know someone else has suggested it but I would seriously consider a foundation year.

My DD has ADHD so slightly different she really struggled mentally during her A Levels and didn't get the results she wanted.

She went for a foundation course and it is the best thing she has done it really helped her transition and build confidence she also absolutely aced it.

Sometimes if you have MH issues you need that extra time for you to adjust and also for your brain to mature.

@chrisijj Are you close to your sister? Is your sister living at home when she is not at University? Is she someone you can confide in?

When you say you worried about having enough support during your A levels was that support at home or from school teachers?

You sound very self-aware. Parents can get anxious over wanting to see signs that their young adult children are moving forward in life but they ought not to put pressure on you that jeopardises your own mental health.

I think you should go to Warwick this year. All things considered I really think this is the best thing to do.

This time last year, I helped one of my DD’s friends apply and then go to university because her living situation at home had become so difficult it just seemed to be the best way of getting out of it. Just being with other young people, rather than with her parents had completely changed her life. It was like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders before. Now she has become like all the other young women around her. It was a freedom.

@chrisijj Sorry for all the questions but did you get your folic acid deficiency sorted out?

I agree with @pinkdelight .
Could you perhaps consider Cambridge for a masters or other post graduate work?
I'm very biased about Warwick because I did my undergraduate degree there and loved it.
BIL went to Cambridge and got a 2:1 but did not enjoy the university experience. He did his post grad at Warwick and was very happy there.
I hope whatever you decide brings happiness.

I'm sorry you didn't get the Cambridge place you wanted. I think as things sound very difficult at home and as Warwick has a great reputation you would be best to take up the Warwick place now. Its a shame Cambridge didn't know about the circumstances at the time as there may have been some leeway on grades though Oxford seems more generous than Cambridge on that and I've always found their pastoral care great. I have seen people who had an offer but got lower grades redo A levels and get a second offer but its a huge gamble and as it would mean another year at home and having to explain year on CV I wouldn't take the risk. I think Warwick is also pretty intense, at least for any maths related courses but that may work for you. Keeping busy and moving forward is often good for mental health.

It may be helpful to try and get in touch with some other Warwick freshers if that's possible. The student room may have students who are in touch, if there's nothing via Warwick itself. If you go join things and go to them to try them out. Sports are great for mental health if you like any of those and you normally don't need any ability to join in for most sports.

You were incredibly happy until you realised exam season was approaching and then slipped back into depression. That makes me think it’s situational and you’re reacting to stress and pressure to be perfect.

Id defer, and not resit. Let go of Cambridge. Have some fun. Breathe. Be happy. Then go to the excellent university next year.

I cannot thank you enough. I do agree that Warwick looks like the best option right now and I will be looking into if I could defer so close but because of everything at home right now I think I could cope with having to go. Their wellbeing office reached out to me this morning about transitioning so I am hopeful and I will be trying to lean on all my school friends before I go so I can feel a bit better.

I do think some time before I go would be better but my mum has never understood my mental health struggles so I think there’s a chance it could be more isolating? - ( While I was writing we had another talk, rewriting or deferring either option I’d have to move in with my dad)

My Gp is aware of my mental health situation and I’ve been able to be with CAMHS during the summer after my A levels. I was wondering if you could expand on the Disibility Office? Again thank you so much

We aren’t very close, not for any particular reason, she’s still in uni and we just don’t speak much. With the support, my mum doesn’t really understand depression / anxiety so that was the problem at home. With school I got more support - meetings with pastoral, but it was more hand off so that was the issue I felt there.

I was prescribed a course of tablets! But after I stopped living with my dad I just assumed that my better diet would have sorted it out.

However, one of the first responses suggested I go to the gp again for some blood test which I thought was a really good idea because I have been thinking about it!

Thank you. I think someone asked previously also but Cambridge were informed in some extenuating circumstances forms my school sent. I was 4 marks off my grade and pooled, I knew friends in similar situations but my course is super oversubscribed so I think that’s why it didn’t work out.

Talking here has helped a ton so I do feel like going to Warwick seems like the best option right now.

Sorry you have had such a rough run of it, and AAA after that year is still a strong set of grades.
A few practical thoughts from someone who has seen similar near-miss situations:

1. Insurance is not a consolation prize. Many students who miss a dream offer do really well at their insurance place, especially if the course content overlaps and the teaching and support are solid. Visit or call the department if you can, and ask specifically about contact hours, pastoral support, and whether you can transfer modules or pathways later.
2. A full A-level resit year is a big emotional and financial commitment. Only worth it if you are genuinely ready to study that Cambridge course again under better support, and if the college or faculty would still consider you. Policies vary by college and year, so get that in writing before you commit.
3. Mid-ground options: ask Cambridge about any remaining places, pooling, or reapplication next cycle with your existing AAA plus stronger evidence of stability; check Clearing for close alternatives if you have not already; and talk to your school about UCAS Extra or deferred entry if that fits.
4. Protect the support side first. If exams and hospital admissions were tied to mental health, build the support package (GP, uni disability and wellbeing, counselling) into whichever path you choose. That matters more than the league table name. You do not have to decide this week under family pressure. Write down what you need from a course (content, city, support, cost), then compare insurance versus a deliberate gap or resit against that list rather than against the dream that got away. Take care of yourself in the meantime.

I think you’ll enjoy Warwick. And I think being independent and getting away from your family may actually help you to feel better and bloom. I’ve been to university 3 times and every time has been so joyous because of the fun of learning, sense of achievement and being part of a new community. Get stuck in with the union and societies when you’re there and check in with the disability service.

Forget Cambridge… your life is just about to begin!

Hi, again, OP - I am so glad Warwick has reached out to you. That’s really positive. If they give you the option of deferring, perhaps you could talk things over with someone from the Wellbeing Team? I can see that it is a difficult decision.

My uni has an office called The Office for Students with Disabilities. At Warwick it seems to be the Disability Services Team: [email protected]. At ours, a student with eg diabetes or a chronic mental health challenge can register long term; someone who breaks a leg can register temporarily. The OSD liaises with Schools to provide appropriate accommodations for registered students. For example, someone on the autistic spectrum may need to take timed assessments in a special room; someone who’s just been in an auto accident may need special seating and a scribe; some students with chronic health problems get automatic extensions for certain coursework assignments, etc. Other students get extensions on timed exams. The list is vast. Each of these mitigations is possible only for students registered with and assessed by the OSD.

Also, a staff member from the OSD attends all of our Mitigating Circumstances panels. (When work is missing or substandard because of circs the student regards as extenuating, they submit a Mit Circs petition, with evidence. A panel rules on all submissions at the end of each term.) One thing this staffer does is tell the panel whether each petitioner citing a disability, particularly a chronic one, is registered with OSD and if so whether they are generally maintaining the relationship. They are good advocates for their clients.

I don’t know whether other unis do the last part. When I visit Warwick I like the vibe and generally think the UGs look happy, FWIW.

This sounds so much more positive, like making these moves forward is helping you feel stronger whereas waiting, with all the unknowns and home issues, could set you back again. I'm really glad they reached out to you and that the feeling of being able to cope is building. Good luck with next steps on that, and with the GP to get the blood tests and any help you need. You have been carrying such a load and you should be supported and feel proud of what you've achieved instead of feeling like you've fallen short and need to go back for more.

Okay - got it. You sound mature and switched-on and able to advocate for your own needs. I'm guessing you might have had to do that, grow up fast etc... You might find there is more support available to you at the University - but do be proactive in putting it in place, even if you are feeling better. If you decide to go, keep asking questions on this site. I'm sure there are lots of people here who can offer practical advice and share knowledge.

That sounds good that you have a plan and hope it goes well for you.