Missed uni offer after difficult year and unsure about resitting or just pushing ahead? Any advice?

[chrisijj]

This ended up super long my apologies :(! Had a lot on my mind but tried my best to cut it down

I had an offer to study a degree at Cambridge that i’d wanted for years and genuinely loved, it’s a degree only offered there. I narrowly missed it, i had a remark done but it was unsuccessful and i’m now 8 marks away on the paper i had remarked and its hit me harder than i expected.

I’ve struggled with my mental health since around gcses, i went through a very similar period where my mental health deteriorated badly, i didn’t have enough support and i still managed to get all As and over though i fell short of the goals i’d had for myself.

In sixth form i was still carrying a lot of those issues. My parents had divorced during gcses and my mum moved out during year 12 and my sister left for uni and i stayed with my dad for the stability. He often wasn’t around much because of work and theyd been separated for a while (but living together) and my mum did almost all of the childcare so i was looking after myself a lot more. There were periods where i was struggling quite badly and would be out walking around late at night, and i also had to deal with food and the mess of the house a lot and eventually developed a folic acid deficiency.

Then a relative died in the summer of year 12 and i moved in with my mum. I only got my stuff back, clothes, desk, pc, all of it, about 6 months after moving in with her, after she threatened to call social services (for some reason ???), i passed that onto my dad and (they don’t talk) i was FINALLY blessed with all my stuff after living in an utterly empty room with a fold up bed for months.

A few months into year 13 i was sought out diagnosed with depression despite a hell of a lot of discouragement from my mum. By the time i got my camb offer i was incredibly happy but about a month afterwards i started to realise my mental health was deteriorating again. I could see myself heading towards the same place i’d been in during my gcses, including struggling with suicidal thoughts and not having enough support, and i became really worried i’d push through and get good enough grades to technically do well but miss something that mattered enormously to me.

I actually raised with my school the possibility of sitting my A-levels the following year because of this. I was reassured i’d have support so i decided to continue. A few months later, about a month before my exams, i ended up in hospital for a couple of days because of my mental health. I went back to school afterwards and carried on. Exam season was horrible and i came out with AAA.

Now i’ve missed camb and i’m in a very bad place again and my mum has been pushing strongly for me to go to my insurance. She’s been asking when i’m buying things and when i’m moving, telling other people i’m going in September, getting family and family friends to encourage me. I understand why, it’s a very good uni and she wants me to take the opportunity i’ve been given. She isn’t someone who’s never cared about my mental health but she struggles to understand it and conversations about it can become quite harsh and dismissive. Right now i don’t feel like we’re actually having a conversation about whether i’m ready, it feels like the decision’s already been made and i’m genuinely not sure that im ready.

I’m struggling with fairly basic day-to-day things right now. Moving hours away, looking after myself, making friends from scratch, adjusting to a completely new environment and immediately starting uni-level work feels like a lot when i’m already struggling. At the same time i desperately don’t want to give up on cambridge, especially since the degree isn’t offered anywhere else. My plan in taking a resit would be to try get back in and ive contacted some colleges. A single A-level resit can potentially be considered where there are exceptional circumstances which im not even sure I qualify, but i’ve also been told a stronger application would generally involve resitting all three together.

I know resitting doesn’t guarantee another offer, i could spend another year working towards camb, improve my grades and still be rejected, but if i don’t try i worry i’ll always wonder whether i could have done it if i’d been in a better position. I also have to be honest about whether i’d actually be mentally ready for somewhere like camb even with another offer, a year out wouldn’t magically fix everything and camb would still be a huge move and academically demanding, so i’m also questioning whether i need more time to become stable before starting uni anywhere.

The problem is resitting would mean committing to another year of exams when i’m currently not in a good mental state, i’d have to decide very soon and then commit to getting through another year. So i feel completely stuck.

What makes this so difficult is ive already seen this pattern once during my gcses and i was worried about it happening again before my exams even started, i tried to flag it and i carried on anyway, and now the thing i was frightened of has happened.
I don’t really have anyone helping me weigh this up properly. My family are mostly encouraging me to go and i understand why, but i don’t feel like anyone’s helping me think through whether i’m actually in a position to do it. I just wish i’d pushed harder for help when i knew things were getting bad.

Just any advice would be super helpful, sorry for the rambly post

Hi OP,

My son was very like you last year. He had 2 tough years with his mental health and did not get the University course he wanted. However , he knew he could not face resits. He took a year out, worked on his mental health and is now starting a foundation year in another university. He is in a much better place. He may stay in his foundation university, he may transfer into his original choice after 2 years; but he is happy that he is moving towards something.

please take the year, or 2 or 3, fix your mental health issues and find your inner resilience.

Cambridge will be there for pst grad. My best friend’s daughter missed out on Oxford. She was so upset. She went to another university and excelled. She has now been awarded a full PhD scholarship to Oxford.

These are only 2 examples of the 10 I could give you. Please, get help for your mental health issues and use this year to recover.

Another voice saying well done o;the grades you achieved despite very difficult circumstances. I do think that a deferral with the chance to work on your mental health and possibly do some part time work or even some volunteering would be a good choice to make. Practice your life skills, get some help with your mental health maybe even save a little money towards the costs for uni. Importantly go when you feel more ready.

Can I ask do you think your mum would allow you to continue living with her if you did decide to defer? Sounds like your relationship is not entirely straightforward.

Well done on your grades op. I have a different point of view to other posters .Cambridge does take people who have resit their exams -my daughter is there and others on her course resit.She also didn't get her grades, was pooled and got in - others will tell you this never happens at Cambridge. The pastoral care there has been amazing too. She had a bereavement in Dec 2025 and is autistic. She found a lump in her breast this year .All this has been met with huge support and she has a weekly mentor for free. Cambridge was her only real choice as it's the only place that does her very niche, very small course .I told her to take her second choice and different course (Durham) whilst she was being pooled but I'm glad she didn't as she is so happy there. She found A levels harder than Cambridge because it's the right place and course for her. It sounds like you need a year put anyway so why not resit and see? If not then take your second choice.

My son went to Cambridge and whilst it is a great opportunity it is not great in many ways. Find another university where you can shine.

Were all of these challenges you faced relayed to Cambridge? A friend of mine got in despite dropping a grade because of a range of issues. I think what you have achieved is amazing tbh

I think resitting after AAA would feel incredibly demoralising, you have done extremely well in difficult circumstances.
Have you considered deferring your insurance offer, working on your MH over the coming year and either going to the insurance uni next September or re- applying somewhere else now that you have your grades?
I don’t have direct experience of Cambridge but it will be intense and a lot of pressure, do you think you can cope with that right now?
Have you looked at what MH support is available for your insurance university? It may work out a better and more supportive environment for you

Please go to your Plan B. Please don't take this useless gap year - gap years are only for people who have not seen the real world, you have. You already had a number of your 'real life experience gap years'. Also, gap years serve only one purpose truly - you lose the skills of studying, you forget things, even after the most rigorous cramming and revision, you de-skill and forget things. Run away to university and plunge into student life - away from the experiences at home. You will flourish there, you are amazing and organised and an adult!

I think a big part of me agrees with you because I think that sometimes when you take a gap year and other people are moving on, you can feel isolated and left behind. You are already on a difficult living situation and it may be that just going in two weeks might be the best thing.

And the way you forget things! This is what everyone tells me too - like literally you sat your finals last May and after a gap year you are struggling to remember, you can't solve the very same problems you solved in your last May finals with no problem.

I don’t think a gap year is necessarily useless. Dd was in much the same position, if without the same challenges, and it took a few weeks for the disappointment to process. She reapplied and end up at her insurance uni the following year which had become her first choice. Her gap year was full of work experience, volunteering and resetting herself mentally after school. She would have travelled and earned more with a fixed term job, but Covid lockdown struck.

But if the degree is Maths or Science based there may be a reluctance to take a year out at some unis.

Not every child has the discipline of yours. I knew for certain that if mine were to take a gap yah, it would prove very difficult to get into the academic grind without forgetting all chemistry, physics and maths. For many children it is like giving up a competitive sport for a year - you can never catch up afterwards.

Thank you for posting this. I never went to Cambridge, neither did my dh or my dc, but I understand how important going to Cambridge is for some people. Like the main event in their lives. It is important that we see more posts like yours. I wish the best of luck to your child and what a great post to read. Well done, your girl for not giving up!

Can I ask what are some of these courses that are unique to Cambridge? Seems crazy that there is something offered in only one place. Is it a particular set of units/modules maybe that are not replicated elsewhere?

If something is that niche then I guess they can definitely be as picky as they want even in the face of very evident extenuating circumstances.

Hi OP

I want to echo the sentiments about how well you have done.

I also want to echo some of the posts about Cambridge. My boss's son went and had a complete psychotic breakdown in his second year. It sounds very stressful, even if you are coming from a stable mental health background.

It's not that the subjects are unique, more that the exact same combinations aren't available elsewhere e.g.

• Anglo Saxon, Norse and Celtic
• Environment, Law and Economics
• Human, Social and Political Sciences

You've done amazing op! Don't underestimate what you have achieved. Personally if you were my dc, I would recommend taking a gap year and taking to your insurance place.spend the year working on your mental health. Don't underestimate how much it can affect you in master life if you don't get to grips with it now. Been there and I'm wearing the t- shirt's shirt!

This really depends on the individual. Nothing de-skills like depression.

Though @LIZS has made an inportant point that some universities are reluctant to grant deferrals in STEM subjects, this is loosening up somewhat. Especially when it is a question of regaining health.

Congratulations on achieving so much in such tough circumstances. I got a 2.2 in similar tough family circumstances. At the time I beat myself up about it but 10 years on, I am amazed at myself for achieving what I did under the circumstances. At the time I was comparing myself to people who were not suffering the same pressures I was and I can see that now.

I think you need a year off. Not to resit but to to reset. 3 As is amazing and you will get a great offer with that. It doesn’t have to be your insurance. You have your grades in hand so no need to stress about exams.

Get a job- maybe something fun and social like bar work or a coffee shop. Something that keeps you busy in the day but you can’t take home with you. Earn some money and start again with a uni application. Also get on top of your health and mental health as a priority.

With the headspace from exams research unis that fit your grades and your interests but also have good pastoral care. Visit them and ask questions. Some even offer scholarships for high achievers from tough backgrounds- this could be a great way of achieving some “prestige” without it being Cambridge. Make a fresh UCAS application with 5 unis you’d be delighted to attend.

Get the UCAS in, earn some cash, focus on your mental health and then plan some travelling next summer or something that is fun for you. It sounds like you could do with some space from your parents and a fresh start and you deserve some fun.

Definitely take the year out, but not to retake exams and be under pressure. Get yourself healthy and happy and head off to uni in a good place. You can turn up ready to smash it. A First from a good uni where you have a good experience is a million times more valuable than scraping a pass from Cambridge and suffering in the process. If you smash your undergrad and still want Cambridge you could do a Masters there.

An unplanned gap year isn't always the best option - particularly given young people are struggling to get part time jobs or any jobs at the moment as competition is fierce.

My DD took a gap year to work on her mental health but she already had a job and a routine and access to a car and my support. It really depends on the circumstances of the OP's homelife whether a gap year would be the better option.

OP - do you have supportive adults around you who would help you access support for your mental help, support you financially and help you explore opportunities to do something different this year?

Hi guys. I just wanted to thank you for the responses, it’s been super difficult these past few weeks and I’ve been super stuck mentally so I couldn’t even think the situation through. But just your responses have helped tremendously!

I was about to start replying but my mum sat down to talk about what I was doing. Unfortunately, I have to decide today what to do, and if I decide to rewrite she can’t deal with the stress and wants me to live with my dad. Living with him isn’t a non starter but there are reasons I’m not living with him now, I’d of course prefer to stay where I am.

At this point, the decision doesn’t matter the situation just sucks.

I am sorry your mum is not supportive, OP. How do you feel about your insurance option? In itself, I mean.

Also, what if you were able to defer a place at your Insurance uni and spend the year getting into the best possible shape, not resitting? Would your mum be okay with that?

Thank you so much, your questions are really helpful. My insurance is Warwick! I think it would be easier to be more enthusiastic and find the satisfaction that made me chose it as my insurance if the circumstances around my whole A level experience were a little smoother. It’s definitely my mental state right now that’s clouding the whole thing up

With my mum, I think she’s more of an anxious person Im realising? She has a lot of responsibilities and says my situation is adding to the stress. She also sees that I struggle with examination periods and doesn’t think I will be successful if I resit

I would definitely be even more proactive about seeking help at university, and a lot more pushier than I was at a level haha. I always had friends telling me to be harsher with the schools pastoral team and tell them when I felt they were being unhelpful but it was hard to gauge at the time what more they could do for me.

With what’s happening now, it looks like I might be better off with a different environment. I think I’m just struggling with the reasons and environments that have led up to it