Reducing money for DD at uni

[Lana26]

DD is in her first year at uni. She’s only been there a month. We set a budget but I felt it was a bit low so against my DH wishes added an extra 100 a month.
since she’s been there all she has done is go out and get drunk. Keeps regaling us of stories of getting thrown out of nightclubs etc. I suppose she has only been there a month or so but there has been no mention of studying.
it’s costing so much money and I feel like I’m at home pinching my finance and she’s having the time of her life. Has anyone else dropped their child’s money. She has all her accommodation paid for plus 25 a week for food and her phone bill paid for. I think she should get a job as she’s only at college three days a week and this gives her loads of spare time which just seems to be spent drunk!

Mine isn't there yet but from what I've read, the first few weeks tend to be the most expensive with Freshers week etc and then they settle down. But I would definitely say something if it's bothering you. Give her warning that you can't sustain the level of financial support and tell her what you will be giving her and if she wants to continue partying/needs more money then she needs to get a job. But I imagine the partying all the time soon wears thin when the study kicks in a bit more seriously.

£25 a week to live on isn't much. Does she get maintenance loan on top of that?

She's been there a month. A MONTH. I think you need to chill a bit, and maybe revisit this in a few months.

We didn't fund our dds social lives. We covered food and phone expenses only. They got jobs for everything else

Is she taking the maintenance loan?

Mine is definitely out socialising lots but he is also attending lectures (he tells me!!). I think the first term is a little crazy and it will settle down, especially as exams in January usually helps everyone to focus.

Mine gets the maintenance loan which pretty much pays for the rent (though not the deposit or the months you’re paying for a house to sit empty over the summer) and then we give £350 a month for food/travel.

Do you mean you are giving £25 a week but thought that wasn’t enough, so have doubled it (another £100 a month) but your husband doesn’t know?

I wanted to be fair but I can’t afford to fund drinking. Her phone broke and I have money for that. I don’t mind helping out if she’s stuck but I do think she needs a job. She came back for a weekend and has spent the whole time asleep or out drinking.

£25 a week isn't enough. If you decide to cut her money you'll need to give her time to get a job.

this is ridiculous. Tell her you will give her £35 a week if she drinks it she can go hungry. If she wants to go out and get hammered she can find it herself.

what are you teaching her about budgeting and responsibility? Uni is like a trail run for real life she will one day have bills and mortgages and maybe kids.

you are doing her no favours here. Cut it back and she will figure it out

Her behaviour isn't abnormal.
You don't need to fund it though - she can get a job and pay for that herself.

So she gets £50 a week for food and everything? She’d be hard pushed to be drunk all the time on that surely?

This it's 15yrs since I was at uni and even then I got £300 a month to live on. Freshers week and the 1st term is about settling in. I did a full time Monday-Friday degree but even then we only had induction lectures for the 1st few weeks, think it was nearly October before we did any real learning.

Give it until after Christmas then re-evaluate. These first few months they are finding their feet in a new situation and may go a little bit overboard due to lack of parents around. The fact she's telling you what's going on is actually a great sign at how well your relationship is. I definitely wouldn't have been as open with my parents when a student.

£25 a week for food is nothing. My parents gave me £100 in 2000. Though if you can't afford it you simply can't.
I agree with pp evaluate after Christmas.

There is a lot of pressure as that's the lifestyle for many as a student. It is a learning curve.

Is she catered for or in self catering accommodation?

Presumably she gets a maintenance loan as well? I agree, the first term until Christmas tends to be students going mad and drinking and partying, their first real taste of freedom. After that it calms down a little. Reevaluate after Christmas.

Completely normal behaviour- they are settling in and trying to find their tribe. Give her until Christmas to either find work or settle down. FWIW, mine does get more than your DD and my DD is supplementing her allowance with online tutoring. She’s also been out partying til all hours BUT She’s also the only student in her year who has been to all of her lectures and tutorials. I’d be more inclined to focus on her attendance at this point.

Do you pay for her accommodation or is that paid for out of her loan? How much money does she actually have? £25pw isn't a lot, so I'm assuming that's not all she has to spend.

She needs to get a job

We pay for her halls as well. She gets about 4750 I year I think and we pay the rest. It’s 180 a week so not a small amount. If she’d had any sense she’d have cut down the stories about getting so drunk she couldn’t stand and getting thrown out of nightclubs and getting kicked out of the library for being drunk. There has not been one mention of any studying. I just can’t afford for her to mess it up!
my best friends daughter can’t afford to go to uni as her parents do not have the spare finance and I feel she is on a lucky position.

There’s no way she can’t be getting drunk all the time on £25 a week. That will barely cover food.

I think I am going to say we will carry on with the food money and phone bill and halls but she needs to get a job to fund her social life. If she is runniny short of food obviously I won’t let her starve.

@Cheesecakecookie i know! But evidence shows otherwise

She obviously trusts you which is why she's telling you the truth.

If you ask my mum, I went out once or twice a month and had a couple of beers with some new friends.

The reality was very different and very messy. I didn't want to get shouted at though.

If you can't afford the extra £100/month then give her a fair warning. Say you increased her budget by £100 and you're glad she's been having fun but from December (or whatever) it will drop back to the original amount you and her dad had agreed to.

The first year of most degrees do not count towards the final grade, so a lot of students don't take it very seriously and then knuckle down in year 2.

So her disposable income is £25/week for food plus a top-up of £100/month and she's regularly getting drunk and thrown out of nightclubs?

How, exactly, do you figure she's having the "time of her life" on £50/week and eating? I'd have questions, but I don't think there'd be the questions you're thinking of.