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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

DS not wanting to return to uni

100 replies

healthadvice123 · 06/08/2023 23:33

Ds just announced not going back to uni ( just completed year one) he said he didn’t enjoy the course and now he has decided things he wants to do he doesn’t need a degree and the debt that goes with it. He has a been real hard work last month or two but since saying this it does seem like a weight lifted of his shoulders. Issue is he has signed and paid large deposit and first months rent on large houseshare and we are guarantors, he has a part time job and says he will get a full time one to cover the rent which is £470 ish a month and will have to still pay share of bills as not the others fault. I have read that sometimes if you can find someone to take the room thats allowed , although contract is not clear.
tried speaking to him to take a few more weeks to decide but he is adamant its really not for him, said he felt this way most of the time , although to us it looked like he was enjoying it and up until now all talk was of going back.
he even applied for student loan but something seems to if changed and he made decision he is def not going back.
any advice would be greatly appreciated,we want him to be happy but also not to regret this later on.

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 06/08/2023 23:43

we want him to be happy but also not to regret this later on
youre his parents not his friends. Quitting shouldn't be this easy. Sometimes things aRe hRd. Sometimes we dont enjoy things. It doesnt mean you just dont do them

murasaki · 06/08/2023 23:44

There will be council tax implications for the house if he's not a student and still on the tenancy,, he will need to pay all of that.

wlana · 06/08/2023 23:46

Is there potentially more to it?
something happened?

Totaly · 06/08/2023 23:50

Did you not take out guarantors insurance?

There are websites for student accommodation re let’s - sometimes you can offer a decent discount - but speak to the landlord first and see what they say - they may have a list of students looking for accommodation .

Dotcheck · 06/08/2023 23:54

What does he now want to do?

I would see if he can take a break for a year.
It is sometimes possible for someone to take over a student lease

JJ8765 · 06/08/2023 23:58

It’s his decision and his debt. He’s done a full year so knows what’s involved. He can have 4 years student finance so better to withdraw now and have the option of going back for 3 years later than him drop out once he’s started year 2. The uni will likely have a accom board he can offer his room or also places like spareroom and thestudentroom. Most unis don’t have enough accom for freshers so there is usually plenty of people looking once A level results come out. It’s not usually hard to find someone but he would probably have to pay for the summer months. If he doesn’t move in the council tax issue shouldn’t arise. He should ask his flat mates first if they know anyone looking. Also can advertise on WIWIKAU Facebook page which parents tend to read.

TheJRTwontLetMeBe · 06/08/2023 23:59

What "things" has he decided he wants to do that don't require a degree? Are the "things" realistic?

Our youngest pulled this in her first year at uni. She had been hard work all through school and college (where she did a foundation year). Honestly it aged me 10 years - everything was a huge battle. We were so relieved when she got a place on a degree course she really wanted, and then Boom! "What's the point?" For the first time we were very firm with her. She had to go back unless she had a firm plan as to what she was going to do. She went back, got her degree and now has an amazing, creative and interesting career.

Things of value take time, effort and dedication.

Menopausehaver · 07/08/2023 00:07

My DD pulled out of uni after two terms, best thing ever. The student debt was low enough to be paid off, fortunately non of the rental problems that your DS has, but hopefully someone will take them over.

dropping out now will still be cheaper than after year two or failing in year three.
My DD is doing the same job as graduates and is further along the career path,

Menopausehaver · 07/08/2023 00:09

You. An always do an OU degree later on if a degree becomes necessary or study for institute exams

HeddaGarbled · 07/08/2023 00:09

He will need to get a full time job.

He will need to let his housemates know asap. They will probably be able to find a replacement, though maybe not for the first term. Accommodation for students is in high demand and shared houses are popular.

He will need to let the uni know asap and establish what fees he will still need to pay, and also contact the student loans company.

It’s a bit of a shocker for you but not the end of the world. There’s nothing to stop him doing a degree as a mature student if he chooses to do so later.

It’s common to think of this as “dropping out” but try to think of it as a conscious decision. He tried it, didn’t like it, and decided to go straight into employment instead.

He must get a full time job, though - no slacking about expecting you to fund his choice.

Yesabsolutely · 07/08/2023 00:10

My daughter gave up her degree course in year three. She was clearly not well enough to finish and it was actually me that advised her not to go back . Ultimately mental health wins over any other problem.
Now 7 years later she has her degree after deferring,and passed her masters ,has a much loved child and now qualified in the profession she was aiming for .
Sometimes it just takes longer to achieve a goal.
My advice is to listen to your son .Can your son advertise his room on Uni boards and room .com ?

Original poster
healthadvice123 · 07/08/2023 00:17

@HeddaGarbled yes he is now looking for a full time job or asking if he can go full time at work in meantime and doesn’t want us to have to pay anything if he can’t let the room. I have advised him to ask others first if they know anyone and speak to the agents. He has paid deposit and 1 month summer rent upfront from his own money
I read about the council tax and assume he would have to pay the full amount which will be huge and unaffordable and he will not even be living there as his original plan was to just pay for the room so as not to let his friends down, he was unaware about ctax and also hadn’t thought about bills

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Original poster
healthadvice123 · 07/08/2023 00:19

@ConnieTucker he is an adult we cannot force him to go back. Its nit about being his friend and yes his overall happiness is way more important than anything else. He is planning on paying for room nor expecting us and i have told him rent at home as well as if he is not a student then its not for us to subsidise, just after advice on room etc

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Original poster
healthadvice123 · 07/08/2023 00:22

@Yesabsolutely exactly , I may not agree with his choices but he seems very at peace with his decision, just a little niave about finances/ ctax side of keeping room. Plus he is 20 I cannot force him to go back and im not about to chuck him out.

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Original poster
healthadvice123 · 07/08/2023 00:25

@Totaly no as never knew that was a thing? DS is adamant he will pay it and does not expect us to. Its all new to us and got help on here when he was applying

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Original poster
healthadvice123 · 07/08/2023 00:31

@TheJRTwontLetMeBe what can we do though we can’t force him back. We have said we want to see a long term plan and yes things he wants to do are realistic, he had a gap year and saved money to go to uni, so a lot of money spent has all been his. I have asked him to take another week and think of all the pros and cons and discuss with his roommates, said he doesn’t mins living away from home, but not the course and nothing similar he could transfer to. He apparently did not like it most of year one but stuck with it, just wished he had voiced this sooner before committing to a room.

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Original poster
healthadvice123 · 07/08/2023 00:33

@Menopausehaver that fills me with some hope and he is a worker that much I will say, he said he was planning to ho back year two and give first time a go just to see but then said more debt and I think being at work he just enjoys more.

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Original poster
healthadvice123 · 07/08/2023 00:37

@wlana not that we know or he is telling us anyway. Said he was 80% sure he was going to leave all summer but last few days decided definitely not for him. Going to ask a trusted friend to have a chat with him incase he opens up more to them, but he hasn’t been himself since he came home so think its been on his mins a lot.

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WhereshallIwander · 07/08/2023 00:40

You can't force him back.

I dropped out of one course in year 1 and worked for a year.

I was classed as a mature student when I decided to start another course and it was easier to be accepted in a good uni.
I managed to see through the whole course but it's not brought me much luck career wise tbh. I still haven't even paid off half my student debt and I'm 43!

My brother dropped out at 16.He's now a plumber on 2/3 X my salary without the debt.

JJ8765 · 07/08/2023 00:45

Confused about council tax if everyone in the property is a student and his room is empty then surely no CT is payable so he doesn’t have to pay a share. If he lived there as a non student he would have to pay. Similarly bills would be lower if his room were empty - apart from Wi-Fi the bills will go down in proportion to the number of people living there. But it’s really really unlikely he won’t find a replacement once A level results come out. Freshers get put in lodgings and in different towns. There are also often foreign students just doing 1 year abroad that would be interested.

Original poster
healthadvice123 · 07/08/2023 00:50

@JJ8765 I am confused about ctax as well it was something I read on here and will have to clarify , he really wants to pay for the room though so as not to let his housemates down, but think slowly making him see that its not ideal and that he will cost him a lot and he won’t have much wages left.

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HeddaGarbled · 07/08/2023 01:39

I think he’s obliged to pay for the room until they replace him (which they will, though possibly not for the first term).

thecatinthetwat · 07/08/2023 01:50

Op, of course you shouldn’t force him back. I work with students who are struggling and honestly sometimes they really need to just leave, but they often don’t want to disappoint their parents. Your dd sounds very reasonable and will fight his out. Best of luck.

Original poster
healthadvice123 · 07/08/2023 01:50

@HeddaGarbled he legally has to pay it or us as the gaurantor as signed the contract its wether the agent will allow him to transfer it, he will have to call and discuss this week see what his options are. The tenancy also mentions not to be unoccupied by more than 3 weeks not sure if that means whole household though. It was so much easier parenting when they wede younger thats for sure.

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Popsispoppet · 07/08/2023 01:58

My DS no longer wanted to live in his student accommodation. So we advertised it on a website called Spare Room. He had lots of responses & found someone to take over the contract in no time.

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