Cancer Support Thread 92 - Christmas Happy Hour at the Patience Inn 7pm tonight 🎄

[LemonDrizzle10]

Old thread nearly full!

@EachandEveryone the hiccups could be something irritating your diaphragm. Is there anybody you can nag to get an ultrasound scan? When is your next CT? It’s aggravating that you can’t get this checked out easily.

Quiet day here. I’m suffering a bit from not being unable to cook my own food. Our diet is rather meat heavy and vegetable light with DH in charge. On the other hand I’m getting better very fast, walking well in no pain, and had some lovely visitors today. I’m just trying to stay out of trouble while DH sorts his family out. Tomorrow the exercise bike arrives and I can start doing something to get fitter and stronger again.

I had my ct and mri the week before last the consultant is the 21st timber I said I had that tender spot the middle of my ribs I wonder if it’s all inflamation. I’m back at work now and it’s hard staying awake. I have my partial retirement forms and I plan to go back 30 hours a week. I’m so glad I can get that lump sum out at least then so can pay all my bills and some for the year as I think if I need treatment again (I will) I don’t want be worrying. My consultants at work have been fab trying to create an admin post for me but the nursing side aren’t so eager to help them out and think I should be more clinical. We will see.

@JlL2013 hi thank you so much for your reply, I have been spacing in and out trying to get my head around it.
appointments are starting to roll in and it's feeling more real, just had my mri this morning , my pre op is tomorrow morning and the. Meeting with Gynogologist tomorrow afternoon.

we think the cancer is early but totally didn't ask what stage it was but sure the plan will be given tomorrow .

i am reading if it's a simply hysterectomy ( eg key hole I should be up and running in 2-4 weeks and back at work

if radical ( cut me open and take some of my vagina as well as all the other bits 6-8 weeks ) which for something that seems so scary seems like a relatively quick turn around .

how did you feel after surgery ? And how abo it the chemo?

I am nervous about the menopause , and hitting it fast I am 40 so I guess I didn't have that long before it would
hit but still, just remember my postpartum depression after my so. And wonder if it's going to make me feel like that again . At time really haunts me.

did you try hrt or go cold turkey ?

@tothelefttotheleft EC was quite full-on for me, but each cycle was different. The first and the third floored me, the second and fourth were more bearable. And I also had horrendous indigestion, so took lots of omeprazole or lansoprazole (don't quite remember which one). And the high steroid doses were problematic for me - I lowered them after the first couple of cycles, and tapered more gradually.
Highly recommend writing down every little annoying symptom and observations on how you feel so that you can share it all with your team. They'll spot patterns and adjust the supportive medication quite quickly if you give them clear information!
Hair loss: day 19 for me. I lost about 50% on EC and then another 25% on Paclitaxel, so there was very little left in the end. But I just cut it very short then, and never quite reached the completely bald stage.

Small "return to work" drama brewing here. I've just heard on the grapevine that my boss has been fired. Their last day is two days after my return. So that means that my "phased return" will be next to impossible to do... Not only will I have to pick up all of my own job again immediately (rather than relying on my boss to keep some stuff going), but they also haven't hired a replacement yet. So that means there will be immense pressure to do at least part of my boss's job in the interim, and I'll be reporting to someone very senior who has the people skills of an axe murderer.
FML. That's going to be interesting!

@KentishMama that is a shock! It sounds as though you are going to have to be very clear on your boundaries otherwise you will burn out rapidly. If you have agreed hours already with OH and HR then stick to them. If the job isn’t covered that’s not your problem. You didn’t fire the boss! It sounds as though negotiating with the Axe Murderer will be challenging but maybe the cracked record technique will work. “I’m sorry AM but my work plan says I will be leaving at 2pm, I will be back on Tuesday. You wouldn’t want to lose me through rushing my return would you?” Yikes!

@TopOfTheCliff I'm definitely going to be a broken record. I have a meeting with the (departing) boss tomorrow to discuss my return to work, and I've written down a plan that I think is reasonable and realistic. HR isn't involved in this meeting, but I think I'll "submit" the plan to them afterwards so it's on the record.
Curious if I'll be told about the firing tomorrow... It'll probably be presented as "I've decided to take time out to focus on playing golf" or similar!

@KentishMama hopefully
you have a hr department. Find the policies out on return to work policies after long term sickness , most larger companies have them .
Could your gp do fitness to work letter normally used a sick note to back up the original plan . E.g reduced hours for a few weeks with a gradual increase to
givd it more clout ? Feel for you makes a
hard situation harder than it needs to be

@Tilllly hope they got them all! Gamma knife sounds like something Out oF a sci fi movie .

@765g Yes, GP has already written a note to say I can start again in mid-Feb, but that he recommends a phased return over 4 weeks. I've drafted a plan whereby I gradually increase days and hours over that time, and am meeting my boss tomorrow to agree this plan. At their request. But now I'm thinking they really scheduled this meeting to tell me they're leaving...

HR certainly exist, but more in the background. I've very rarely seen them intervene in situations like this. This could be potentially outing, but it's a large US- headquartered employer, so the American "hire and fire" mentally can be quite strong, and understanding of local regulations like "fit notes" and "phased returns" may be lacking. I'll have to tread a little carefully, but I'll be sure to cover my ass by documenting everything that's agreed.

@KentishMama are you part of a union so if needed you could get them to
join future meetings if they don't play ball?

does sound pretty complex , hopefully they navigate your needs with empathy ( I am
ever the optimist ) if not you home
jnsurance may have legal advice cover - if you need to go that route

@KentishMama you can also ring ACAS for advice

Is it worth asking your GP for another fit note, to delay your return to work? So they've had to manage the gap for a bit?

Odd situation with your boss... fired but sort of working notice?

Play nice with AM. You'll win more if they don't think you're adversarial. "Do you want me to prioritise X or Y?" Rather than "I can only do X or Y"

This is all you need ffs

@Tilllly

Sorry, I hit Post by accident.

I think I'll play nice all around. I can sweep back in and come to everyone's rescue, while just blocking my diary pretty aggressively to protect my reduced hours. There is no union or particularly strong HR route that I can take - at least not without committing career suicide in the process. And I worked damn hard to get to where I am.

I do wish there was a union for me. The Women Trying To Make It In Huge American Corporations Union, or WTTMIIHACU in short.

Re: working notice, this is a very senior departure, and they are almost always given a chance to put out a statement that they are happy with when they're fired. The last one left "to spend the summer reconnecting with his kids", and the one before that "to slow down and play golf every day". But usually you can tell that it's an involuntary departure!

@765g I’ve had two menopauses - natural and chemical and neither were as bad as the hormonal mood difficulties I had in my child bearing years, including pre natal depression. Hope you are similar.

@KentishMama I’ve had employees specify specific tasks and responsibilities on their fit notes. Although your employer could ignore this, if things got difficult and you needed to go to tribunal they wouldn’t have a defence.

@Tilllly So pleased your gamma knife is done. I have been thinking about you and sending you strength and healing.

@KentishMama
And you could then flex a bit to show how cooperative you are

You've worked hard, recruiting is expensive and experience hard won - you're an asset
Meet them as an equal partner

Got up

Tidied upstairs and did a few bits for 15 mins
Am laid down again

Am a bit more feeble than I thought today

I keep feeling queasy - I need to get some decent nutrition in me
Was going to eat lots of fruit but think it might make me sick?

Suggestions?

Would a banana be good? Have u got any crackers in?

im sure its down to our king but i kept dreaming i had bladder cancer on top of everything last night.

im just off to get my dressings changed but I am going to see a show tonight. One upshot of this hateful disease is that I’ve been to a west end show nearly every month with my card. If any of you are in London I’d recommend one. My friends are pleased as well 😀

@EachandEveryone What card?

The Access Card

Good idea @EachandEveryone
That was bfast

Found some homemade soup in freezer so will be having that for lunch
Don't know the flavour but it will have loads of veg

I hate feeling feeble

@Tilllly Me too. At the moment I nap at least once a day, but it's not just a nap it's a proper heavy sleep, and I feel a bit pathetic. I went back to bed after the school run this morning and woke up at 12.15pm and I'm still groggy now.

Those are not the sort of sleep that feel refreshing are they? You wake up feeling like you've been drugged

Would you be better setting yourself to half hour naps, mid-morning and mid afternoon?

I’m still in bed @SewingBees but I have been doing Important Work! I took an old laptop and updated everything so SIL can use it for death admin for MIL (and FIL when he goes too 😨) DH has bought a portable router so their house has Wi-Fi. I got distracted looking at old photo albums on there.
Now I am going to have My First Shower in Two Weeks! Drum roll and cymbals clash! Then I’m expecting the arrival of the Exercise Bike which comes with Spotify connection and lots of workouts. I do love a new gadget!
Hope you are feeling less queasy @Tilllly

Hi there. Has anyone had any experience of a mediastinal mass in anterior? Well I have one. They don’t know what it is yet, there was a list in the letter, lymphoma, pahragangloma, thymoma. Had my scan on Halloween as they suspected a problem with my thyroid. 7 weeks later I got a call for an invite to the respiratory clinic, to be told about the tumour. I have a choice just now, either take out or monitor it.
since it’s been aprox 4 months from original scan, The consultant is arranging a scan for me soon.
Just getting over colon cancer and finished treatment for this. This new surprise is totally unrelated. The consultant says it’s not a new thing, my oncologist also says she thinks it’s been there for a long long time. I have suffered neck pain and upper back pain for years.
Im praying it’s benign, and I don’t need to go through more chemo, obviously if it is, I have no choice. I have been referred to a clinical psychologist for my anxiety.
Sorry for my long Essay, just getting things of my chest. Xx