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Original poster

Lung Cancer - Shit

103 replies

RomeoC · 01/06/2014 12:12

I posted this under a different nickname but as I had a whole namechange failure I asked MN to delete it

I'll PM the nice people who posted to explain......but this is where I'm at:

My Dad has lung cancer
He is 70
He gave up smoking at New Year

Shit, shit, shit

I'm using an old name as I don't want DD to know until after her GCSEs

Shit, shit, shit

He has an appointment a week on Wednesday to discuss his options (which I think is a hellishly long time to wait)

It is 8cms
I've known now for 90 mins
He found out at 7pm last night after an Xray & a scan on Wednesday

Shit, shit, shit

Good news is that there is no cancer on any of his other organs - if that can be good news

I get to do all the paperwork if he dies - we're going to build a spreadsheet of passwords Hmm

OP posts:
crazykat · 01/06/2014 12:50

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I lost my mum to cervical cancer just before Christmas and I still remember the moment we found out she was terminal.

It does seem like a very long wait but IME the doctors and hospital move things along quickly once they've discussed all the options. I don't know about your area but here there is a big meeting with all the doctors once a week which is why we had to wait a couple of weeks for them to see my mum, the doctors involved in her care went to the meeting and discuss between them what the best treatment options are and then discussed it with my mum.

Hard as it is, its better to get all the paperwork sorted now then it can all be put away until its needed.

Its very hard and the only way to get through it is one day at a time. Your dad should be assigned a specialist nurse who can help with treatment and can put you in touch with councillors if any of you need to talk to someone.

crazykat · 01/06/2014 12:52

It is good that it hasn't spread, as far as I know it makes treatment easier than when there is cancer in multiple areas.

waterlego6064 · 01/06/2014 13:04

I'm so sorry to read this. Cancer is a bastard.

It is good that it hasn't spread anywhere else. That could mean better options for treatment. The wait for news is really hard, and news can be gradual, incremental, which is frustrating and bewildering. One day at a time is the only way. Is your mum around or does your dad have a partner? Do you have siblings?

And making a spreadsheet of passwords is a sensible idea. Along the same lines- can you get/do you have power of attorney? It's not nice to have to think along those lines, but it can be useful, just in case.

When my dad realised he was getting ill, he assembled a spreadsheet of all his passwords, but unfortunately his cognitive function was already going awry at that point, and some of the passwords were incorrectly typed so we had a devil of a job sorting out bank accounts and what-not.

What RL support do you have OP? In my experience, people are very keen to support, but may not necessarily know what kind of support you need. If they offer, please try to take them up on it. e.g. If you need someone to pick your children up from school (if you have children) while you visit your dad/attend appointments with him etc. Or they could make you a couple of meals to stick in your freezer. That sort of prcatical help can be very useful.

Look after yourself OP. Stress and worry creates havoc in the body. I have seen my GP more times in the last year (since my parents got cancer), than I had in my whole life up to that point. It can make you ill, so look after your basic needs as best you can- sleep, decent food, exercise....

Sending all best wishes for the future, for you all.

Noappointmentnecessary · 01/06/2014 13:09

So sorry to hear his. I lost my mum nearly 4 years to this horrible disease. What I will say is that developments in cancer treatment are changing for the better all the time. They will have a plan for treatment. However, just prepare yourself that the lungs are a vital organ, and they will need to be careful with treating this area. I wish you all the best and hope your dad fights this bastard disease. Positive thinking goes a long way xx

HolidayCriminal · 01/06/2014 13:13

Thanks for updating.
I think I would cope by finding practical stuff to focus on, too.

Original poster
RomeoC · 01/06/2014 15:38

Thank you all

OP posts:
2kidsintow · 01/06/2014 22:23

Thanks for your message, Romeo.

Thinking of you.

Feelingaguiltydaughter · 02/06/2014 00:12

Hi Romeo, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in November 2012 an operation was offered but it was an open and shut case as once opened up the consultant discovered it was far more tangled than showing on the scans. He had half his chemo and 6 weeks of radiotherapy and apart from a bad reaction to the chemo which resulted in over a week in hospital and a really bad chest infection which required two different antibiotics at the same time to clear it he lived a fairly healthy life before he died. He kept going for 16 months after diagnosis and only died at the end of April - so still quite raw.

Although it seems bad - just keep going one day at a time, one procedure at a time.

Original poster
RomeoC · 02/06/2014 11:54

Thanks feeling 16 months is a long & so very short time

My thoughts are with you and your family

OP posts:
digerd · 02/06/2014 19:30

There are 2 types of Lung Cancer - a small cellular and a non-small cellular. However, if it is in the early stages and not spread it is curable.

My DH had a biopsy to determine type and stage and his was advanced and already spread to his brain, so inoperable.
He was 55 when it was discovered and your dad is 70. The older a person is the slower the cancer cells grow.
Many lung cancers when not spread are operable and curable.
Hope this is the case for your dadFlowers.

Original poster
RomeoC · 03/06/2014 15:42

Thank you

I am sorry about your dad

This illness is crap!!

It's DD I worry about most; she is vulnerable atm about to embark on a big life change (leaving school, moving out etc)

If you work out who I am - please don't mention it; post GCSEs I'm likely to 'come out' anyway. I just need to not tell DD for a couple of weeks until things calm down

OP posts:
waterlego6064 · 03/06/2014 16:18

It really is shit :(

There will be a right time to tell your DD, and you'll know when that is. I think you're wise to keep it from her until her exams are done, but it must be incredibly hard for you to keep a lid on your feelings in the meantime. I hope you have some good support. Thinking of you.

Passthecake30 · 03/06/2014 20:10

Bless your dad. I lost my dad to lung cancer when he was 77. Hope you find strength in this tough time.

I understand protecting your daughter whilst she studies but don't protect her too much ifykwim. I lost my aunt to motor neurone shortly after my degree and I resent my parents not telling me the severity of her illness, I never even got to say goodbye.

Original poster
RomeoC · 04/06/2014 00:15

Exams are over by 16th June so I haven't long to wait to tell her & hopefully my dad will make it that long

He & my mum are saying they won't start anything anyway until that date at the earliest as his initial appointment will be on the 11th - they surely can't organise surgery or chemo that quickly & there are no tests booked between now & then (I thought they would do Biopsies or something)

OP posts:
honeybeeridiculous · 04/06/2014 08:50

Thinking about you Romeo,Thanks once your dad has the appointment on 11th things will be quickly set in motion, but I'm sure it will still take a couple of weeks.
My dad had was diagnosed last Jan and started radiotherapy early March, but he had to have mask fitting and CT scans to 'line things up' which took a few appointments.
My DS is doing GCSE's at the moment, I can appreciate how tough it is for you to keep your feelings in check.
Dad had a biopsy very early on, before diagnosis, so I'm guessing your dad won't need one as he's already had diagnosis and been told it hasn't spread, so just waiting for treatment options now?

Original poster
RomeoC · 04/06/2014 13:01

He reckons he will be in Hospital having surgery within 3 weeks - I think he is being over optermistic

OP posts:
Original poster
RomeoC · 04/06/2014 15:26

He hadn't had a chest Xray for 5 years

He smoked & he's an asthmatic Sad

OP posts:
WolfMoon · 04/06/2014 17:02

So sorry to hear about your dad, Romeo. Once he has had his appointment, dependent on treatment options he may well be started with something pretty quickly. What a wonderful mum you are thinking of your DD when you have so much going on yourself. Do you have siblings or a DP/DH who can offer you and your mum a bit of support too?

Thanks to you all.

Original poster
RomeoC · 05/06/2014 18:40

My mum had leg bypass surgery mid April & is stil recovering

I have a DH who is emotionally challenged; that's not really fair he loves dearly but struggles with the most basic empathy

My Brother lives in Sweden with his 5yo; he has set up a foster situation for his dog so if he needs too they can just pack up home & move here for a few months (if needed)

My dad now thinks they will try to shrink the tumour before operating.

I still think telling him on the phone at 7pm on Friday evening with no further intervention until Wed 11th is unbelievably cruel

I spent today reassigning account to my mum & killing his on-line presence

OP posts:
honeybeeridiculous · 05/06/2014 20:50

Romeo, I didnt realise your dad was told over the phone, that's just awful, they should really have told him face to face.
I bet the poor thing was too shocked to ask any questions.
When my dad had his biopsy, he thought he was in for laser surgery to get rid of nodules in his throat, when he came round from the operation, the surgeon simply said I'm sorry mr but we didn't laser your throat as we found more than we expected so have done a biopsy and we will see you in 2 weeks to let you know what we have found.
We, (mum,dad,me) were too shocked to ask anything and that 2 week wait was pure agony, poor dad was a right state
Love to you, your mum and dad

Original poster
RomeoC · 05/06/2014 22:10

He had the Xray on Wednesday, & they said well they are probably going to want a scan next so the machine is free so go have it now Hmm

He rang the GP on Friday to get the results & they said the GP would ring them back - he rang at about 6:50 - it wasn't his normal GP either

I'm getting hung up about the details to stop me thinking about the facts

& premium bonds won't let you close the account - you have to leave a £1 in it Hmm
Facebook were easy to close, Amazon I transferred to my mum & set her up a new paypal account & closed my dads; & I did his & my mums tax return

Practicalities!!

OP posts:
honeybeeridiculous · 05/06/2014 22:23

You are being so strong. I will be thinking about you on Wednesday x

Staywithme · 05/06/2014 22:36

Sorry about your dad OP, but as Digerd has said, the older a person is the slower it spreads. My husband was diagnosed just over a year ago with widespread incurable prostate cancer. The consultant says it is one of the must aggressive ones he's seen. He's had chemo, hormone treatment, radiotherapy, etc in order to slow it down and he actually looks healthier than when he was first diagnosed. He's now 53.

The reason I tell you this is to show you that even if found incurable, he can still have a quality of life and things to look forward to. I hope all goes well for him. I knew before my husband how ill he was and decided to keep it from him until all the results were in. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, so please look after yourself and my heart goes out to you.

Staywithme · 05/06/2014 22:39

Digerd I know words can not change what you've gone through but I'm so sorry to read about your husband. Take care.

dwinnol · 05/06/2014 22:41

Hi Romeo I'm really sorry to hear that your dad has been diagnosed with this horrible illness. I lost my lovely dad to it 5 years ago.

I haven't got any real advice but to take it one day and one piece of news at a time. Always here to listen. The very best of luck to your dad.

Xxx