I am a potato

[ArseSpud]

I am a bottom

Or a journalist. This will be all over the Daily Mail tomorrow.

Bathsheba

Here is my cousin, Spudusoraus, just visiting from Jurassic Potato Park.

He would make lovely mash better than an omelette

Strike fail

When you say he is just visiting, Vanilla, do you think he is being overly optimistic?

He is certainly a handsome spud. I'm slightly concerned about his use-by date, however, since he hails from the Jurassic period.

I said he was visiting - who is this Vanilla usurper?

Spudusoraus is a National Treasure. I think he should be baked whole and savoured with lashings of butter and homegrown chives .🍟

I like cheese and coleslaw in my potato

Sorry, AS, I can't think why I confused you with Vanilla! Foolish of me!

Are you calling me a potato better?

Absolutely not, ArseSpud Vanilla, ma'am!

There used to be a lovely Italian sausage jacket potato filling in one of the restaurants in Debenhams in Glasgow. I miss it.

We had a sausagemeat and tomato dish at school. We called it "Slosh". I think that was its actual official name.

That's very onomatopoeic!

I'm impressed you can spell that!

I love autocorrect!