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Original poster

Is there anywhere safe on mumsnet where you wont be flamed?

73 replies

Dontbeunkind · 27/10/2014 23:07

A couple of days ago I got flamed (in relationships) I know I am probably not thinking straight at present (I have a lot going on) and so maybe I did deserve some of the flaming. I don't know but it really affected me nonetheless. I did preface my op by asking for responses to not be harsh. So I don't think I deserved the flaming. I wanted support and got support and advice from a lot of kind posters but the harshness of others has really stuck me. And it is the unkindness that has stuck with me longer, unfortunately.

I don't know why I'm asking this but is there anywhere you can go where you won't get such cutting responses.

OP posts:
girliefriend · 27/10/2014 23:10

Nope sorry Smile

I even got flamed in the litter tray (so to speak) and thats normally fairly flame proof.

You have to have a very thick skin to start a post on mn I think.

Spooklingbrook · 27/10/2014 23:12

Unfortunately Relationships does seem to attract a certain type of poster that think they 'tell it like it is' IYKWIM.
I haven't seen your thread as I have that Topic along with loads of others hidden.

Chat is as good a topic as any-plus it all disappears after 90 days. There is also the 30 days only topic.

QuintessentiallyGhoulish · 27/10/2014 23:15

I got a flaming and told I was stealth boasting when I posted a thread agonizing over which glasses to buy, and maybe I should buy both pairs, FGS! Hmm It was inconsiderate of me posting that I could afford two pairs of glasses, when there were other people out here that cant afford such luxury.

The thing with MN, you never know what responses you are going to get.

Riverland · 27/10/2014 23:17

Sometimes the flames are soooooo contorted in their responses, and so gnashing their teeth at the drop off a hat.. Kind of amazing!

They like to assume the worst, cynical, condemnatory. Each time I see it I'm surprised at the level of bitterness exhibited and chucked at unsuspecting posters!

Original poster
Dontbeunkind · 27/10/2014 23:18

I think that is so sad. I feel silly that it has affected me so much, I needed some advice but couldn't ask anyone in real life as I know I'm not thinking too clearly so didn't want to create a situation by asking a real life friend, if you know what I mean.

OP posts:
ElephantsNeverForgive · 27/10/2014 23:20

I've been trying to discuss parents going to university open days and got a used of boasting, because, at 16 DD1 is actually able to talk to people, not rely on her parents.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 27/10/2014 23:21

A used accused

Spooklingbrook · 27/10/2014 23:21

Did you get any helpful replies at all Dont?

Original poster
Dontbeunkind · 27/10/2014 23:21

I have namechanged. I don't want to go back there!
I was put off chat a while ago for the same reason, it was like an extension of aibu, maybe it was bad luck. Maybe I will try 30 days only next time.

OP posts:
Riverland · 27/10/2014 23:22

It is sad!

And you aren't silly..in real life, people we converse with don't randomly snarl cynical judgments at us! Or if they did, we'd run a mile. Here, such types get to take pot shots, and before you know it, you've just read a whole pile of aggressive tripe supposedly directed at you.

The thing to remember is, that though it's slung, it needn't stick.
Easier said than done, I know. But if you collide with someone else's bad mood..it ain't personal!

elQuintoConyo · 27/10/2014 23:23

Christmas boards.

Or the wavers threads Smile

Some people are goady twats. Bit like real life.

After a flaming with marshmallows I log off MN for a week or so.

Thanks
ElephantsNeverForgive · 27/10/2014 23:23

Really crap though, OP to do it on relationships, when you have asked for advice.

Original poster
Dontbeunkind · 27/10/2014 23:26

spookling yes I did get some very helpful replies, which I really appreciate.

But the nastiness really affected me. I know that it is my fault that I allowed that to happen. It's not that I didn't appreciate the kind responses, it is just that there were quite a few harsh ones and I did ask for no harsh responses (although I know people have the right to post what they like). My question wasn't even outlandish, it was actually very boring, not worth being nasty about if you know what I mean.

OP posts:
Modestine · 27/10/2014 23:27

Relationships is easily the worst topic after AIBU.

Original poster
Dontbeunkind · 27/10/2014 23:30

Now my last posts sounds very silly. Being sad about nasty responses to a dull thread.

Thank you for replying and not being nasty.

OP posts:
DraaaamaghAlpacaaaagh · 27/10/2014 23:30

There seems to be a lot of flaming going on all over MN these days & it can be very harsh, especially in Relationships & AIBU. It takes a brave MNer to post there at all, I feel. I don't have a thick enough skin, so I rarely start posts anywhere, and I rarely even post on those two topics.

I didn't see your thread, but I'm sorry you've been upset, OP and I'm glad you were able to get some help & support despite the harsh responses.

Like Spookling suggests, try posting in Chat or 30 Days Only. They tend to be 'nicer' in tone, and have the bonus of disappearing so you won't be reminded of nasty posts.

NightOfTheLivingRed · 27/10/2014 23:31

Try "wavers". It does what it says on the tin
[www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2220408-Waving-caution-may-be-addictive?]]

Not one bunfight, flame or upset in over a year Smile

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 27/10/2014 23:32

Oh I thought you were leaving as you have posted in Flouncers Corner!?

Did you post about making your DH do a trial run?

NightOfTheLivingRed · 27/10/2014 23:32

Fail Sad

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2220408-Waving-caution-may-be-addictive?

peasandlove · 27/10/2014 23:33

Style and beauty is full of nice supportive people Smile

peasandlove · 27/10/2014 23:36

Sorry you had a shit time btw. Aibu is a guaranteed flaming for the op and relationships is getting close due to the troll hunting
Mumsnet is a changing place. So much publicity these days means so many more people posting here

Original poster
Dontbeunkind · 27/10/2014 23:40

No I posted here as I couldn't find anywhere else that matched my complaint and I saw in another thread someone told someone to come over here (they had also been upset about being flamed).

OP posts:
RockinHippy · 27/10/2014 23:42

I'm sorry you are so upset by it, please try not to take it personally. Things have got far worse on here in recent time & Ive been coming & going for a lot of years. People venting their spleen in such a vile way as Insee too often all over on here these days, says far more about them, than it ever does you.

I suspect those doing it are the sort that wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life, but seethe in bitterness as others success or happiness, whilst smiling sweetly- on here they are faceless & their true self is let loose & it is not pretty - it is THEM not you, so shake it off & hold your head up & concentrate on the replies from those who posted to you for the right reasons Flowers

ScaryZ · 27/10/2014 23:42

Gardening, camping and small furry animals seem to be relatively safe. AIBU mentality seems to be creeping everywhere else.

I think sometimes that if you post when you are feeling down (as many of us do), you only see the unsupportive replies. Whereas if you can go through your thread with a mental highlighter, you will probably see a lot of nice posters being very nice, iyswim.

Try to pick out the better bits.

Littledidsheknow · 27/10/2014 23:44

I just had a good length thread in AIBU (I name changed) and was rather touched at how nice and helpful (for the most part) everyone was. Sometimes you just get lucky, and the right sort of early respondents can help set the niceness tone for a whole thread, almost. If you're lucky.

Swipe left for the next trending thread