Is there anywhere safe on mumsnet where you wont be flamed?

[Dontbeunkind]

A couple of days ago I got flamed (in relationships) I know I am probably not thinking straight at present (I have a lot going on) and so maybe I did deserve some of the flaming. I don't know but it really affected me nonetheless. I did preface my op by asking for responses to not be harsh. So I don't think I deserved the flaming. I wanted support and got support and advice from a lot of kind posters but the harshness of others has really stuck me. And it is the unkindness that has stuck with me longer, unfortunately.

I don't know why I'm asking this but is there anywhere you can go where you won't get such cutting responses.

scousadelic those were the good old days hey! We had some absolutely brilliant, very heated, debates. I really miss that part of MN.

Yes, of course. Pure projection. Lack of self-awareness.

I got slightly toasted the other week in Relationships. The OP was feeling desperate and it was really, really late on a Friday. I allowed it to upset me unreasonably. I tried so hard to be supportive and was worried about the OP, but I got it wrong, apparently, and was told to 'ffs, read the thread', when I'd read every word, fretting. I backed off sharpish, I immediately thought I'd done something unspeakably crass, as I'd had a few drinks earlier in the evening.

Now I have decided that there may have been a bit of competitive helping going on (or then again I may be an arse and can't see it) but whatever it was, I will stay out of those threads in future. And I've opened a shitlist spreadsheet, of course!

I got flamed in Car seats for no reason I can fathom, there are some weird and vile people on here, but some wonderful ones too. Still here as you can see.

KillDeath What is a shitlist spreadsheet please ?

It's a joke on the whole Ditzy that people have spreadsheets with the names of posters on so they can cross check and reference whenever they come across them and confirm they are to be avoided/humoured.
TBF at one point I had a series of post it notes though.

TBF at one point I had a series of post it notes though I'm sure you aren't the only one spookling. I don't do it or I wouldn't be able to see my screen Just joking really. My mental 'shit list' works just fine for me. I have one poster that I completely ignore - it saves a whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooole lot of grief.

The point comes that you can spot the namechangers by their posting style-extreme spreadsheet shitlisting. Then avoid them.

There is nowhere on the Internet where you can be sure of particular standards, unless it s a closed group with vetted members (and active moderation).

MN cannot 'fix' the Internet. But individuals can choose which sites come closest to what they want. So if you posted on Flouncers Corner because you know MN is not for you, do to apart a traditional farewell insult, or just best wishes in finding (or founding?) the sort of site you want?

To be fair, people do have other reasons for frequent name changes - share & regret syndome is not uncommon! Some of us are slow learners in that department

The keeping of spreadsheets by some MNers is a really good reason for constant name changing. Everyone should do it if they want to stay safe.

I would say Super Furry Animals is a fairly safe bet as long as you don't say things like:

There's only one thing worse than a rat and that's a guinea pig.

However, surprisingly, you can be quite rude about hamsters even though they are generally quite cute.

I used to get really upset by the nasty responses some people seem to do for no reason. I realised though that some of them come on here because its their outlet for being a twat because they dont get the chance in real life for whatever reason. Even though its hard, now I just ignore the nasty responses. I still respond to people who have different opinions to me because discussions can be fun but when people get nasty, I use my internal block function. It really helps and now I can enjoy the lighter side of mumsnet bar the few odd occasions when I get sucked in!

You won't get flamed on the Dadsnet section of the site.

Ha! Unless you don't agree with them on anything to do with anything!

Hamsters are cute. And apparently they twitch and try to run etc in their dreams like dogs and cats.

Oh go on Modestine - pls start a "Are Hamsters Cute" thread on SFA. Can't wait to post about our little cutey ......

Dont, I'm glad you did find the type of support you needed on Relationships, in amongst the aggro :) Congrats, too, on being able to sift out the constructive criticism from the destructive sort. Now and again, posters feel so ground down in their lives that they can't tell the difference and that really upsets me - although, to be fair, the majority of such threads do settle into a more helpful mode if the OP sticks around long enough.

It's worth remembering, I think, that each poster is an individual with problems of their own. Sometimes those problems are deep-seated emotional ones, and sometimes not amenable to reason. When we meet people like this real life, we tend to quietly pass them by ... it's not a bad strategy online, either

This site goes though extra-prickly phases. It's having one now. There are still plenty of nice threads, though, and you're still free to re-post your issue and see how it goes! (If you do that, say so early on or you'll attract even more nitpickers.) Glad you're not flouncing yet; I've done it at least twice already, mind you!

Scouse it's true, I've seen some of the best constructed, articulate and robust arguments on MN that I've seen anywhere. They are much more thin on the ground these days though, and I do feel that the site culture has shifted to more frequent flaming, goading and general unpleasantness. There is still good stuff here, intelligent, supportive posts etc which is why I stick around, but the sheer amount of flamy goady crap is on the rise and it's depressing to see.

You will get flamed in Feminist chat if you don't agree with the prevailing orthodoxy. They will pile on one after another making hilarious jokes.

AIBU does the same but there always comes a point in an AIBU thread where someone points out it has descended into bullying.

I got flamed in telly addicts last week - and the flaming was followed up with a PM. On a thread about tennis . So no, nowhere is safe.

I got marmalised for saying I like to drink lots of water. When I said it was to help with my BP some "nice" poster said fine but don't expect other people to put up with your strange behaviour.

Honestly I think some people come onto MN deliberately to pick a fight. Very unnecessary unpleasant and obviously because they hide behind a keyboard and let rip to assuage their frustrations in life.

I would just ignore such daftness and enjoy us lovely people who know how to behave !

There was a good one the other week that brought a couple of weirdos out. The poster happened to mention that she was camping, she got flamed for coming on Mumsnet whilst on holiday! Blummin nutters....