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Original poster

Is there anywhere safe on mumsnet where you wont be flamed?

73 replies

Dontbeunkind · 27/10/2014 23:07

A couple of days ago I got flamed (in relationships) I know I am probably not thinking straight at present (I have a lot going on) and so maybe I did deserve some of the flaming. I don't know but it really affected me nonetheless. I did preface my op by asking for responses to not be harsh. So I don't think I deserved the flaming. I wanted support and got support and advice from a lot of kind posters but the harshness of others has really stuck me. And it is the unkindness that has stuck with me longer, unfortunately.

I don't know why I'm asking this but is there anywhere you can go where you won't get such cutting responses.

OP posts:
RockinHippy · 27/10/2014 23:45

I was attacked by a few posters in Chat recently too, again totally silly & presuming things I hadn't written & weren't true at all. Thankfully the positive posts outweighed the negatives, but some people on here have no boundaries at all right now

DraaaamaghAlpacaaaagh · 27/10/2014 23:50

I think the time of day you start a thread can be important as well - you are likely to get nicer responses if you post during the day.

Trolls and other unpleasant folk seem to be more active in the evenings.

Spooklingbrook · 27/10/2014 23:51

A lot of this goes on.

Is there anywhere safe on mumsnet where you wont be flamed?
peasandlove · 27/10/2014 23:51

Do not start a thead in Aibu on an evening where the early respondents are halfway through a bottle of wine Eg Friday night

RockinHippy · 27/10/2014 23:55

Brilliant, so spot on Grin I think I might pinch that sparkling & repost it on every stupidly off the mark thread circled by the harpies from now on Grin

scousadelic · 27/10/2014 23:56

I don't know where all the anger is coming from at the moment. Somebody has had a go at me today too, it's not nice. I've been here many years but find myself posting less and less

1944girl · 27/10/2014 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ditzy71 · 28/10/2014 00:00

Dontbe its ok to feel affected by it. Strangers attacking you can be unnerving. I have blocked lots of areas of Mumsnet because of it. I namechanged after receiving a lot of abuse for my opinion on a thread and it hurt me deeply too. Its bullying a lot of the time.

carlsonrichards · 28/10/2014 00:00

It's a bit rich to come onto a board this size and try to dictate what you want to hear under the pretext of 'I only want support'.

This place requires a relatively thick skin.

Modestine · 28/10/2014 00:04

It wasn't set up for people with thick skins to argue amongst themselves.

ScaryZ · 28/10/2014 00:04

I don't agree with that at all carlson.

This is a chat board for people to talk to each other. But primarily it's a place of support, and if someone wants that, and asks for it, they should be able to get it.

Obviously they might get some disagreement if they are insistent on a course of action that some posters can see is just plain wrong, but saying "I'm having a shit time, can you all be nice to me" is a perfectly acceptable premise for a thread.

carlsonrichards · 28/10/2014 00:06

All too often, what is denied as support to them is only what they want to hear.

RockinHippy · 28/10/2014 00:11

Totally agree with the others carlson IMO that's a very warped view of what this sort of forum is about - not every thread is a debate thread, much if it is about support & advice, or it should be

Modestine · 28/10/2014 00:13

Warped indeed.

Riverland · 28/10/2014 00:14

Why should this place require a thick skin?!

Isn't that defence-speak meaning "there are bullies here."

Equating 'support' to 'pandering', carlson is nothing but sophistry.

RockinHippy · 28/10/2014 00:15

No carlston on many threads I've seen, it is not, it is nitpicking & reading things not there & venting their own bitterness on some poor OP, disagreeing is par for the course, the nastiness isn't, or shouldn't be.

Spooklingbrook · 28/10/2014 00:17

It's the huge assumptions that annoy me. I am busily re reading the thread to see where the OP said something that another poster mentioned then it turns out they didn't. Confused

scousadelic · 28/10/2014 00:18

Carlson I think you can disagree without flaming. If people want a site with nothing allowed but support then they are in the wrong place but it would be nice if that disagreement was in the form of an alternative argument or disputing the OPs position rather than bitchiness or abuse. I think there is a difference between discussion, even if it is heated, and the sort of bitchiness that some now think acceptable.

I hate harking back to the old days but I often used to be mesmerised by the standard of some of the arguments, they would be very robust and sometimes get very heated and sweary but it was not personal attack.

Modestine · 28/10/2014 00:19

There's a lot of truly crazy mis-reading and misunderstanding. Basic literacy fail.

Modestine · 28/10/2014 00:20

Good post, Scous.

Spooklingbrook · 28/10/2014 00:20

YY there should be a comprehension test before you are allowed to join MN.

Original poster
Dontbeunkind · 28/10/2014 00:25

Carlson even the kind posters mostly disagreed with my original post. Because I wasn't thinking things through very well. Which is why I posted. But the kind posters were nice about it. They were not saying horrible things or accusing me of being a horrible person.

I didn't want a debate, just some advice to help my thought processes about my situation.

OP posts:
RockinHippy · 28/10/2014 00:28

Spot on Scouse Flowers

IamtheWalkingDead · 28/10/2014 00:51

Dontbe, you can always join the buggerdamnandfuck brigade on Zombie's thread.

Darkesteyes · 28/10/2014 00:59

For the most part i have found ppl on MN to be very supportive. But i think in cases of flaming there is a hell of a lot of projection coming from some of the flamers.