Pervert son -please help me

[MotherOfARedPillCunt]

Please help me, I am absolutely devastated and don’t know what to do.

My son aged 12 accidentally came across his brothers chats which include him fantasising about getting his cousin pregnant SHE IS 12 & he is 16 and then he uploaded a photo of her where an AI but has taken off her clothes. I am absolutely beyond devastated. I love that little girl so much and feel like she has been massively violated. By my son and then by me for seeing her like that. My younger son who uncovered all of this is distraught - he’s best friends with her.

we were going to and see them all this summer but I am never letting him near her again. I can’t tell anybody because that just spreads the devastation but also I can’t look at them in the eye knowing this. She’s a smashing kid and we absolutely love her, I am heartbroken.

obviously I’ve taken my sons phone off him - he’s getting a brick until the end of school.
i have arranged a counsellor.
he already has a job lined up starting next week so as far as im concerned he can get on with it.
think he probably needs to see a GP re depression

I have raised my kids well and openly with discussions on porn and women’s rights on the table and since the last couple of years my son speaks to me with contempt which has often made me wonder if he’s been sucked into the man sphere. I know pregnancy fantasies are a charming motif of that lot.

but also I am really worried about the paedophilia side of this. I know for a fact that he won’t have gone near my niece as they live far away and we are all always together. he is incredibly shy.

is there anywhere I can get him seen…. Like a camp or something? Is there anywhere that takes these guys and sorts them out? A rehab? I’m a vocal and proactive mum; I practise what I preach, I call out misogyny instantly and still my son has fallen into this.

What he has done is completely unforgivable.i can’t look at him in the eye and really hate him and need to sort him out

As others have suggested, Lucy Faithfull would be my go to in this situation.
https://www.lucyfaithfull.org.uk/contact-us/

I personally wouldn’t contact police until you’ve spoken to LFF, who may advise differently.

i’d also advise you to try to separate him from his actions. You’re talking about hating him and leaving him to it. He is still a child himself, obviously he’s been exposed to ideas that lets him think this is acceptable behaviour. And he’s your child, so you are responsible for getting him help before this gets worse.

It is possible to be a loving parent and also be very very angry. I cannot even imagine the rage I would be feeling in the OP’s position

I agree. Things are so different for the young now. I'm in my 50s ..what we thought of to masturbate was in our heads ..no-one would ever know if we thought of our teacher or whatever...it was private..we were forming our sexuality.

I think a huge ugly reaction, without thought and care, could really cause harm. If the body was changed to an adult woman this is reassuring ...the rest needs careful help...not hate

Then I hope you're not the parent of a teenager if your love and commitment to parenting is dependent on good behaviour.

It's in the bad times where it's most needed.

@MotherOfARedPillCunt you need to go to the police and have a conversation. There are programmes he can be referred to. He needs a lot of psychiatric help. Unfortunately without intervention he does seem very likely to seriously harm someone

What I’m reading is she’s angry and venting. I am sure she doesn’t actually hate him. She’s just venting on an anonymous forum

I do hope you're right; I'm sure you are!

But there are so many defending her hatred and appalling name-calling, it's concerning.

It's the behaviour that is hateful and despicable here, not the confused, erring child who needs help.

This attitude is what protected Henry Novak's killers

How utterly ridiculous!

I'm talking about loving, supporting and guiding a struggling teenager here (normal parenting) - not assisting an adult murderer (a despicable crime)

But if you think abandoning and hating your own child as soon as there's a problem is going to help them along the path to decent citizenship well, I can only say I strongly disagree.

Oh MotherOfARedPillCunt this sounds awful, you poor thing experiencing this as well as feeling somewhat responsible for her safety. As a practitioner that works with vulnerable youth, I have some research that might feel a little against the grain but works. Your son actually won't respond to punishments on this one as much as we all naturally lean to remove rather than scaffold him with extras. These behaviours are interestingly usually consistent with connection seeking and feeling accepted. He is young enough to assess what extra needs his unique self needs and provide that in a way that is likely to positively affect his role in society. Supporting him, not shaming and actually modelling how to socialise while acknowledging that is requiring connection in some antisocial methods over time can prevent him feeling like an outcast and further promoting these hidden and potentially increasingly dangerous methods of seekingn connection/acceptance. Dan Siegal, Kim Golding, Bruce Perry, Gabor Mate and Dan Hughes are wonderful big wigs in the attachment/developmental research space which lovely youtube excepts of their PHD research findings on how to help young people feel connected thus reducing undesirable and unsafe symptoms.

I completely disagree.

If you found out your child was a peadophile then you would be calling him names too.

Of course at the end of the day you’d still have love for them but don’t dismiss the impact these actions have on not only the victims and their families but also the perpetrators own family too.

If your son went and killed multiple children like Axel Rudakubana.
Your first instinct would be to call him names out of pure anger and disgust.

I know peadophiles in prison and their family members still call them names years later but some are able to ignore the crime and focus on their loved one again.

Making sexual images of a 12 year old child, his cousin no less, is despicable no matter how you dress it.

Eh? I think you’ve either misunderstood or mistaken me for another poster.

I haven't "dressed" nor in any way minimised the boy’s behaviour in my post. What a bizarre accusation. I think his behaviour is despicable, shocking and utterly horrific.

If it wasn’t clear, my post was about helping, guiding and seeking appropriate help for a child whose behaviour has strayed so badly; continuing to love and parent them to help then onto the correct path, rather than “hating” and abandoning them.

of course he has committed an offence he has created a pseudo indecent image of a child - that is a crime

The murderer of Henry Nowak was arrested the same night and is now convicted. Idiotic comparison.

Im not sure that an ai image of an adult body with a child’s face is necessarily a pseudo indecent image. It might be, but it’s a matter of judgement. And also a matter of judgement whether reporting to police is the right course of action for a boy that is obviously pretty messed up.

It’s really not a matter of judgement it is literally an offence. Using a photograph of a child, and imposing that into a sexual image (whether that is an adult body or not) is a pseudo indecent image of a child.
i do agree that it is a matter of judgement whether it should be reported to the police and that is for the mother to decide, but let’s not minimise his actions by denying that he has committed a criminal offence

He’s 12 and seemingly interested in girls of a similar age. That’s not paedophila. The AI images is an offence though.

I’m not minimising anything, the difficulty with image offences is that there are grey areas and whether or not this would meet the threshold is a matter of judgement. Is it definitely sexual? We don’t know and can only surmise. Neither of us have seen the image so it’s not possible to gauge. It could well be, but it’s not automatic.

He is 16.

Not sure why my post was deleted. I’ll link the newspaper articles if someone thinks I made it up but it’s easy to google.

Here’s one:

www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/i-forced-quit-job-after-36825544?int_source=amp_continue_reading&int_medium=amp&int_campaign=continue_reading_button#amp-readmore-target

I won’t post the other as it’s about child porn which could be triggering, but then I guess this whole thread is about that.

This is serious.
His behaviour has already escalated and being left unchecked can easily lead to more escalation.

Well she has no clothes on - so that suggests there is a sexual motive.

Yes, that’s why I said we can surmise. That’s not the same as being able to definitively say it’s a criminal offence.

In any case it doesn’t matter whether it meets the criminal standard, it’s worrying behaviour in a context that needs to be addressed, probably with professional help for both sons and the mother.

ETA please stop saying ‘child porn’ because that really is minimising a crime.

I’m sorry I misread: but my comment stands. He’s not an adult.