Pervert son -please help me

[MotherOfARedPillCunt]

Please help me, I am absolutely devastated and don’t know what to do.

My son aged 12 accidentally came across his brothers chats which include him fantasising about getting his cousin pregnant SHE IS 12 & he is 16 and then he uploaded a photo of her where an AI but has taken off her clothes. I am absolutely beyond devastated. I love that little girl so much and feel like she has been massively violated. By my son and then by me for seeing her like that. My younger son who uncovered all of this is distraught - he’s best friends with her.

we were going to and see them all this summer but I am never letting him near her again. I can’t tell anybody because that just spreads the devastation but also I can’t look at them in the eye knowing this. She’s a smashing kid and we absolutely love her, I am heartbroken.

obviously I’ve taken my sons phone off him - he’s getting a brick until the end of school.
i have arranged a counsellor.
he already has a job lined up starting next week so as far as im concerned he can get on with it.
think he probably needs to see a GP re depression

I have raised my kids well and openly with discussions on porn and women’s rights on the table and since the last couple of years my son speaks to me with contempt which has often made me wonder if he’s been sucked into the man sphere. I know pregnancy fantasies are a charming motif of that lot.

but also I am really worried about the paedophilia side of this. I know for a fact that he won’t have gone near my niece as they live far away and we are all always together. he is incredibly shy.

is there anywhere I can get him seen…. Like a camp or something? Is there anywhere that takes these guys and sorts them out? A rehab? I’m a vocal and proactive mum; I practise what I preach, I call out misogyny instantly and still my son has fallen into this.

What he has done is completely unforgivable.i can’t look at him in the eye and really hate him and need to sort him out

Unless there is a whole lot more going on, realistically he won't even get a conviction for this let alone go to prison.

The most likely outcome is that the police have a stern conversation and NFA him, and possibly refer on to social services.

I know a lot of posters would like to see him slammed in jail for years but that just isn't going to happen (again, assuming that there isn't a lot more going on).

I am so sorry OP x

This. I work in safeguarding and can to say ‘stop it now’ and the Lucy faithfull foundation. They have programmes, experienced counsellors for him and family and workers. I’d also be clearly and calmly explaining what he did was illegal, carries a prison term with consequences on any dbs or for any job. I would call stop it now or Lucy faithfull foundation yourself for specialist advice. You also need to speak to school safeguarding for advice and referral/ if they is too late and he’s left : child social services / mash in your area.

I think my response would depend a lot on how he reacted, which you haven't really described.

If he was mortified/appalled/naive and very very distressed and repentant, I'd take a different approach to if he was completely brazen about it and not remorseful.

Good luck OP.

This is awful, I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I’d discovered my son had done this. But you do need to take a breath and focus on getting him support to deal with these thoughts before he acts on them in an even more awful way. As others have said, please contact the Lucy Faithfull foundation.
And exploding at him any further will just ruin any hope of him ever opening up. There could be a million different things that have led him down this path, and I won’t speculate. But it’s not as clear cut as “he’s an evil monster”. He could become one, if he’s pushed further into his own dark bubble, but right now that’s not the only possible outcome.

It's a 16 year old boy fantasising about girls, using an image of an 18 year old, using the face of his younger cousin it is weird but if she is pretty it may just be the first image he thought of or he might have been thinking how attractive she will be when she is older. I dread to think what thoughts are in most 16 year old boys heads regarding girls and sex. He made an image that he really shouldn't have and by all means blow him up for that. Do you really think he is a danger to his cousin? I think all the name calling and hatred is extreme and unhelpful, asking why he did it might be more useful, is this something his friends have been doing as well?

No extra advice from me than has already been given but just wanted to say thank you. Thanks for not being one of those parents who ignore or sweep under the carpet when confronted with such troublesome and horrible behaviour from one of their children. It's brave to do the right thing.

I hope you manage to get some professional help and guidance going forward. Take care OP.

The fact his cousin is not nearby is 1) a thankful relief for her but 2) irrelevant - if he can think like that about her, he can think like that about other 12 year olds...

I would ring the police, he needs to know how serious this is.

I know of a few parents who have rang the police on their sons (not sexual offences) and it was the best thing that ever happened to them because it stopped them from offending in the future.

Offending usually escalates and they end up getting better at hiding things.

At 16 he won’t be put in prison, at 18/19+ he will.

If you knew what prison was like for young men then you’d do everything to stop him from going.

Not only is she so young but she’s also family.
There are millions of naked women on the internet but the fact his victim is young and within reach makes him an incredibly dangerous individual.

You have to take this seriously now because he will spend the rest of his life in and out of prison if you don’t ( not needing to mention the impact this will have on his victims too).

It is entirely normal to be disgusted by a teenage boy acting like a pervert.

Just to say first that (since MN have verified the poster) the @MotherOfARedPillCunt username may not have been meant the way we (me included) read it: I've lived and worked abroad, using a foreign language that I now speak fluently, but still I notice that certain connotations are never as strong for non native speakers, even when one speaks the language.

That's happened both to me, in the other language, but also to fluent but non native English speakers who choose to use English with me. It's particularly noticeable with "bad" language. We may use words like cunt, but we know when not to, all the same. In a foreign language that often remains harder to judge.

I wasn't sure that phenomenon was enough on its own to prove she was genuine but since MN has said she is, I think that may help explain the misunderstanding.

Let's be very clear here.

Any boy fantasing about family members is wrong, not 'weird'.
Any boy (or girl) making naked images of someone is wrong.
Boys fantasing about getting girls pregnant is wrong, not least as it can translate into intentionally unsafe sex and a life ruined.

Boys fantasing about getting 12 year girls pregnant is wrong.

The fact his friends or other teenage boys might also be doing it does not make it right.
The why doesn't matter: the what does.

Is this a joke???

Wanking over a 12 year old cousin is vile, predatory, incest behaviour.

He goes to school, has access to the internet etc there are millions of girls and women where he could choose to use deep fake AI porn on but he chose his 12yo cousin!! That’s not ok.

It’s illegal and bad enough to use deep fake AI to create porn and ruins so many girls and women’s lives.
But him being attracted to his 12yo cousin is deeply worrying and he is already a dangerous boy and this will only escalate as he gets into manhood, creating an extremely dangerous man.

If he is making fake porn images then he is ALREADY a danger to the cousin (and any other females).

He is sixteen and he will be man soon and the question that needs to be put to him is what sort of man he wants to be. It could be parents or counsellors posing it to him but only he can answer it

Does he want to be a man who treats girls and women like this or does he want to grow to be a man who can maintain relationships with them? Tell him how fulfilling life can be if he chooses the right path, tell him how much he has to lose if he does not. At best, he will be living a sad and lonely life, at worst in trouble with the law

He is a lad making mistakes at the moment but either path is open to him,

I'm so sorry you're facing this. One of my godsons has been lost to the manosphere and is now a 35 year old incel. My friend, his mother now has nothing to do with him.

I hope your son can be rescued from this hideous cult.

Yes, I am glad someone else can see through this.

Fake.

Someone very knowledgeable about the manosphere wrote this.

I see MN are 'leaving it for now and this person is a long standing poster'. Long standing man-hater, you mean.

Amazing how her English improves. That sealed it for me.

I completely agree but I think the police speaking to him is what’s needed.

I think these young boys see alot of porn and so perhaps don’t realise the damage they do will the deep fake AI porn but IME it always escalates and that can result in years in prison.

If it was my son I would want the police involved so he understood how serious this is and to hopefully scare him straight.

And then work with the different agencies so he can open up to them about how he’s feeling.

He could be sexually attracted to her or he could hate her and want to see her in pain etc and so this needs to be explored by professionals.

Of course it is! No one's disputing that.

But this isn't a random teenage boy, it's her son. Being disgusted is understandable, normal, but
OP thinks he's a "cunt", and "fucking hates" him.

The boy needs help and guidance pronto, but not from people who absolutely loathe him. Without parental support and love he'll struggle to make the changes needed for his rehabilitation.

He's a child, too.

He's committed a crime OP. It's an offence to produce CSAM, which is what he's done by putting her image into AI and creating a nude picture.

You could report to the police, they'd confiscate all his electronic devices and will probably find a lot more on there that would be very incriminating I imagine.

Sentencing guidelines being what they are, if he was convicted of an offence, he would likely get a community order plus a rehabilitation order requiring him to engage with probation treatment services. He would also have to be on the sex offenders register for a number of years.

If you want to get specific psychological help for him try StopSO or the Lucy Faithful Foundation. Both organisations offer counselling and therapy targeted at treating and preventing sexual offending.

First I would talk to my son and ask him about it.

I’d want to get an idea of if he realises this is problematic, if he fancies her and explain to him how problematic it is.I think his response then determines your approach, however I would certainly ban him from seeing his cousin this summer.

It could be as simple as he likes her face and popped it onto a woman’s body.
It would be way more concerning if it had been a girl’s body,

Kids see the most awful things with porn and even general cinema these days that we were never exposed to.

Cousin marriage is normal in a lot of countries and used to be here until fairly recently. It is still legal in the U.K. If you were in Pakistan or many parts of the Middle East and Africa this would be no issue. Guess the point is we are not in Pakistan, the Middle East or Africa.

Your username concerns me a bit to be frank. Is that a word you use in your house? If he has grown up with this kind of language especially from a woman/his mother it must be rather mixed messages.

lucy faithful foundation has specialist support for this specific issue. I would definitely go there first and also agree with PPs that he is 16 and likely been coerced by internet content, he is still young and with support could well row back from this and see how wrong it is. But you cannot do this alone, you need survivalist support, your elder son needs specialist support and your younger son probably does too.m, to help him process what he has seen. Sending love OP. This doesn’t sound like an easy journey but we are here to help our children and it looks like your elder son needs help right now.

Absolutely this is a very serious wrongful action, and you need to talk to a professional (police? NSPCC?) about what happens nect.

BUT - calling your son a pervert and a cunt is completely unacceptable. It makes it seem like you are more preoccupied with your own distress than with the problem that you now face. It is not just for the victim's sake but for your son's sake that you need to take appropriate action. He has screwed up, but he has been affected by a toxic environment. Police action may be a way forward, counselling too, all with a view to repairing something that is broken in him

"Involving the police as an idea is ridiculous" I couldn't agree more. Whilst it is incredibly disturbing what he has done why would a mother want to ruin this young man's life? First step is actually talking to to son and to find out what lead up to this. Then, seek a professional counsellor who specialises in this type of behaviour.

I would despise him too.

And he may be a child on paper, but he's quite capable of posing an actual, physical, sexual risk to a girl (or woman).

I know you say he's left school, OP, but if you can email the safeguarding lead ( details will be on school website or email school reception asking for email address), they will help with support locally and work with the required safeguarding process - social services and police will need to be involved.
You're on the right path.