Men who pay for sex workers

[Anon778833]

Is it ever a one off? I think not. Whenever men I know describe having paid a sex worker, they make it sound like these women just fell on top of them and they didn’t enjoy it which clearly is treating the listener like a fool. In reality it takes a great deal of premeditation to do something like this.

I would say that it’s something that if someone chooses to do once, they will do again.

And if you’re not an incel man, I’ll eat my shoes.

And if you’re not an incel man, I’ll eat my shoes.

I am not celibate.

Yup, my experience too. I don't know anyone who has worked as a prostitute, or in other related jobs (like peep shows, bars etc) who did it as an active choice. I am very sceptical of the "happy choicey-choice escort" trope, not least because its also a thing that while women are still doing that kind of work, one way to cope with it in the moment is to pretend they are fine, and that they still have some control over their own lives.

I don't think sex with prostituted women counts to get you out of the category.

dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-10735857/British-woman-21-earns-doctors-OnlyFans-model.html

Gave up medicine to join only fans, why ?

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-10735857/British-woman-21-earns-doctors-OnlyFans-model.html?adobe_mc=TS%3D1650559907

I don't think sex with prostituted women counts to get you out of the category.

Sorry, but do you know what an incel is?

Do gross men really think hanging out in the feminist section of a parenting website trying to convince us that sex work is great is a good use of their time?

I know LOTS of sex workers and the volunteers who are making 100k+ aren't the norm. They are bloody useful to punters and pimps though. A fig leaf to cover the cess pit of violence, coercion and harm.

I've watched a lovely woman I worked with, who died of an overdose, cry about not wanting to work then go to work so she could afford to inject drugs. Into her neck BTW because her veins were so shot. I still see her sister every now and again. But if Belle De Jour and OnlyFans women make you feel better, you lack basic decency.

I hope you check the women you exploit have their passports in their possession, can leave the place they work, aren't addicted and didn't start underage before you stick your cock in them. In my extensive experience men don't though. Check I mean. Sticking their cocks in unwilling women is fine by them.

Do gross men really think hanging out in the feminist section of a parenting website trying to convince us that sex work is great is a good use of their time?

I didn't say sex work is great.

I hope you check the women you exploit have their passports in their possession,

I didn't say that I pay for sex.

excellent post @MrsTerryPratchett

The most deprived women tend to be streetworkers most of whom have substance issues and/or mental health as well as precarious housing e.g. rent arrears at the minimum or quite easily homeless/vulnerably housed/hostels. Then brothels/saunas in ascending order with independent escorts being the least deprived of the categories of sexwork.

Of course out of those independent escorts on Adultwork site a few of them will be pimped and/or trafficked but the site endeavours to remove them where this is identified as Adult work does not allow illegalities. There will always be those living with addictions in wider society anyway irrespective of jobs. Although not the majority there will be a good 1 in 3 or 1 in 4 escorts who have had nice upbringing good backgrounds educated etc. Adult work is for independent women who do escorting independently of their own volition.

I know this as my friend has shown me so I have seen the adultwork site.

I am very sceptical of the "happy choicey-choice escort" trope, not least because its also a thing that while women are still doing that kind of work, one way to cope with it in the moment is to pretend they are fine, and that they still have some control over their own lives.

This is the exact dismissal of sex worker's voices that goes on all the time in these discussions. How dare you claim to know what we think or feel.

I have not engaged in any form of sex work for 7 years. I do not want the Nordic Model. It makes what we will do less safe.

I am not 'happy happy choicey choicey' - I am disabled and the way that disabled people are left with not enough money to live on in this country - I would rather do sex work any day than be forced to live in poverty like so often happens. It was MY CHOICE to use sex work as a way to pay my bills until I could find other work. Sex Workers often choose sex work because they look at the choices between slogging ridiculous hours in minimum wage unflexible labour and sex work and decide sex work is a better option for them.

Yes, in an ideal world women would all have the choice to do anything they want and enough money to live on if they are out of work. But that is not the case, and is getting even worse with benefit cuts and the cost of living, two child policy etc. It is dangerous to advocate for laws which make women more unsafe because of ideology.

One told me she'd be doing it anyway so she may as well get paid for it.

Sounds like the kind of BS sex workers tell clients, but if she really believed it, poor woman.

It's virtually impossible to tell whether a man is someone who pays for sex.

A lot of entitled abusive men aren’t johns. So that might be true.

But it’s certainly possible to know the reverse; if a man is not the kind of person who would ever put his dick in someone who doesn’t want it. Fortunately there are still a lot of men in this category, the other sort should be systematically avoided by all women whether they are johns or not.

This is the exact dismissal of sex worker's voices that goes on all the time in these discussions. How dare you claim to know what we think or feel.

Eh, I know women who talked a good game and were positive about their experiences while they were working, and were open about how much it had harmed them only after they left. I say what I see. How dare you claim that your experience is universal.

I do not believe the Nordic model will come in any time soon. It is talked about but it isn't implemented. Has been that way in England for years.

"It's virtually impossible to tell whether a man is someone who pays for sex"

Agree. It's why "John" is slang in America for a client, because John is a very common name it implies a client can be anyone, which is accurate.

"I do not believe the Nordic model will come in any time soon"

There are other models besides the Nordic Model, most notable is complete decriminalisation which has a lot of support from human rights, health, anti-STD, anti-trafficking and sexworker orgs.
decrimnow.org.uk/open-letter-on-the-nordic-model/

This year Belgium became the first European country to implement decriminalisation.
www.brusselstimes.com/211351/historic-reform-belgium-first-in-europe-to-officially-decriminalise-sex-work

The Nordic Model isn't the only option, and given the complexity of sexwork it is important to consider all options carefully.

I can’t understand the poster who seems to believe that the only two choices for disabled women are poverty on benefits, or prostitution.
There are plenty of light office jobs, many even working from home, that would provide a living wage without reducing oneself to a piece of rented meat for vile, entitled (and potentially violent) punters. If one is capable of typing a literate post on MN, one can surely handle a simple clerical job.

To think of the original question, I agree with the OP. Perhaps the exception could be lap dancers on stag dos, that's about all.

This seems to exactly the dismissal of sex workers' voices which she (@ringlightisnotflattering ) was complaining about.

a) That is not anything like what she said.

b) If she chooses to do sex work because it pays more money, or offers more autonomy or flexibility than other choices, then really it's none of your business.