Men who pay for sex workers

[Anon778833]

Is it ever a one off? I think not. Whenever men I know describe having paid a sex worker, they make it sound like these women just fell on top of them and they didn’t enjoy it which clearly is treating the listener like a fool. In reality it takes a great deal of premeditation to do something like this.

I would say that it’s something that if someone chooses to do once, they will do again.

I agree, rarely, very physically ugly men and women exist.

One of my uni friends once introduced us to lad she had met at work. His appearance was one of the few that have actually repulsed me. He was perfectly nice when we met him, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what she was doing with him.

Funny thing, appearance. Because as I spent more time around him, he just kept getting more attractive. He was the most charming, funny and kind man I’ve ever met. Not just superficially, he genuinely cared about how people around him felt and would go out of his way to brighten everyone’s day.

He won anyone who spent more than a few hours with him completely over. And remembering this now, I’m clearly still a little in love with him .

Alas, they got married. But I know I wasn’t the only friend at the time who regretted not getting there first.

On the other hand, it doesn’t matter what a man looks like if he’s used a sex worker. Clearly repulsive inside.

Although there is always going to be more pressure on women regarding their appearance, nearly every man I personally know goes to the gym and takes quite a lot of care with his appearance.

Women are attracted to fewer men because that’s how biology works.

You call me a bridge-dweller, but you even agree with me that women are attracted to few men. Even if you disagree with me that all men are ugly (although I remain thoroughly unconvinced by your vague "biology" explanation), the point I was making is that there is a not-insignificant minority of men to whom no women are attracted.

It's irrelevant really - no one is entitled to sex and being unattractive does not make it ok to use money in place of consent.

But you're really missing the point that attractiveness is not necessarily related to physical looks, and ultimately being someone who is willing to pay for sex is highly likely to make you unattractive.

ultimately being someone who is willing to pay for sex is highly likely to make you unattractive.

From what I know, the men who pay for sex generally don't broadcast the fact that they do so. So how can a woman find a man unattractive for paying for sex, when she doesn't know that he has been doing so?

If a man cares so little about a woman's consent it shows in many many ways. Women know.

For me what I can't reconcile is the man paying a woman who could be, is more likely than other women to be, and he has no way to tell whether she is doing it under extreme duress and thus hates every minute, feels absolutely awful about herself.

It's not that I believe every single woman who works as a prostitute will feel those ways, but it's the fact the man doesn't know for a fact she doesn't, and that she could feel that way and he is okay with being the source of her feeling that way.

For me, a person who does this is not someone to be trusted.

@BewareTheBeardedDragon

That assertion sounds like "women's intuition" nonsense, which is not something I believe in.

Ok. Too many women don't trust their instincts and come off worst from it. Anyway

I'm

[quote greasyshoes]@BewareTheBeardedDragon

That assertion sounds like "women's intuition" nonsense, which is not something I believe in.[/quote]
It’s not about intuition - how silly. A person’s behaviour is linked to their values. If you’re the kind of person who thinks that consent isn’t important then of course it’s going to show in other things that person says and does.

@greasyshoes

Women are attracted to fewer men because that’s how biology works.

You call me a bridge-dweller, but you even agree with me that women are attracted to few men. Even if you disagree with me that all men are ugly (although I remain thoroughly unconvinced by your vague "biology" explanation), the point I was making is that there is a not-insignificant minority of men to whom no women are attracted.

Where is the evidence about these ‘men to whom no women are attracted’?

The stuff you are saying sounds like the kind of thing that incels say.

Just what I was thinking Mondays

A person’s behaviour is linked to their values. If you’re the kind of person who thinks that consent isn’t important then of course it’s going to show in other things that person says and does.

I don't think that's correct. It's virtually impossible to tell whether a man is someone who pays for sex.

Where is the evidence about these ‘men to whom no women are attracted’?

What do you mean? Of course there are men who are not attractive to any woman. You're bound to have met at least a few.

What's the general perspectives on Belle de jour aka en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brooke_Magnanti ?

m.youtube.com/watch?v=noJBWqua9Hk

Brooke Magnanti at Oxford university debate.

I think it can be a one off. My now husband did go with a prostitute in the red light district when he was in Amsterdam in his youth...as a single man. He thought it would be awesome but it was actually super awkward and he didn't enjoy it at all. He's got no interest in ever doing it again. He's very open about it.

Former sex worker here and I'd say once a punter always a punter.
Men who pay for sex are entitled and very lazy. They can't be bothered putting in the effort to meet "civvie " women or keep relationships going when they can just go on to adultwork and click on one of 1000s of women. The ones who are in happy relationships do it because they crave variety , different size, shape , age , race , hair colour etc it's nothing to do with the woman he's with but she can never be another woman either. It's male entitlement, craving variety and laziness.

I once got into a relationship with an ex client , I quit sex work he was in his late 30s , I was 19 I caught him booking other girls on adultwork. The thing is I wouldn't be able to trust if we were having a rough patch or I was unable to have sex. , it's too easy for them just go on adultwork and book someone . Punters are a lazy entitled bunch and I would not date one if they told me they saw sex workers.

Some can be one off but it has to be a stag do / Amsterdam. Once someone has booked someone at home through adultwork for example it tends to be habit forming

you sound distinctly like a man trying to justify paying for access to women’s bodies.

I remain thoroughly unconvinced by your vague "biology" explanation

Eggs are expensive, sperm is cheap. If a woman shags 1000 men in a year, she'll (maybe) have one baby. So it's much better to pick a good father with great genes. If a man shags 1000 women in a year, he could have 1000 babies, passing on his genetic material. That's simple biology.

What they've found is women are more likely to be attracted to physically strong and symmetrical men when they're ovulating and good 'providers' when they're not. Boosting chances of a strong baby who lives a long time.

So if you can't be strong, be a good man. 3/4 of the time you'll be more attractive than Brad Pitt. Sort of.

If you give off misogynistic vibes, no sensible woman is going to shag you.

I think many on here have a myopic view of sexworkers. I've met a few, through my job, and they were far from being unwilling and driven to it by circimstance. They engaged in it enthusiastically and for one reason, easy MONEY. Brook Magnanti made £100k in 18 months and that was 20 years ago. One told me she'd be doing it anyway so she may as well get paid for it. It was a job as much as any other only the hours and the pay were a lot better, a lot better.

But you don't even have to go that far. A lot of women make a lot of money from ONLY FANS, that way they don't meet anybody or even have sex. One woman made £30k a month from selling photo's of her fanny. You never saw her face or anything else of her. And the market was world wide.

Women have to accept their own part in the sex industry. It's not all dirty old men and street corners : it's about money. As ever it was.

All this talk of ugly men is missing the point. You can’t buy consent. If you’re so ugly that nobody will have sex with you, unlikely in my experience, then you’ll just have to go without. It’s not a right.

Good point.

Eggs are expensive, sperm is cheap. If a woman shags 1000 men in a year, she'll (maybe) have one baby. So it's much better to pick a good father with great genes. If a man shags 1000 women in a year, he could have 1000 babies, passing on his genetic material. That's simple biology.

If you give off misogynistic vibes, no sensible woman is going to shag you.

If you had presented yourself as a man on mumsnet and written that same paragraph, people would have been calling you a backwards misogynist.