I have bipolar disorder but it’s been well controlled for a couple of years now. My youngest started school so I increased my working hours.
Over the past week everything has gone downhill. I normally struggle when the clocks go back, but this is another level. Over the weekend I’ve not been able to function and pretty much cried and stayed in bed, I’ve had hours where I couldn’t work because I couldn’t stop crying and hyperventilating. Yesterday I worked 3 hours extra to get a project done and ended up giving up and going home as I was getting unproductive. I went into the toilets and there on the floor a picture appeared of a cartoon witch stabbing a woman, I thought it was horrible but then as I stared at it for a while, it disappeared in front of my eyes. I ended up sitting away from my house for an extra hour after coming home so the kids couldn’t see me crying.
I’d rather not be here anymore, but I have no choice, I need to be here for my family and to pay the mortgage. My husband has been amazing this week but I feel awful that he’s having to take in everything. I just feel bad or numb. I’m not even sure what the point to this post is.