Will keep this as short as possible because I simply don't have the energy to write an essay. 23 weeks pregnant with mental health issues, learning difficulties and autistic with a severely autistic toddler. Been with my "DP" for 10 years but he treats me like utter dirt, but I can't leave because I have no money or savings and nowhere to go. He bullies me on a daily basis. I had a baby at 16 who went to live with my mum due to trying to unalive myself multiple times. I never recieved any support after the birth. As soon as he was born I wasn't able to recognise him as my own, I was so unwell that my body rejected him and I could never understand why. And I still don't. Always suffered from severe mental health since I was in primary school, but I was always brushed off. Been on lots of different kinds of antidepressants which exaggerate my symptoms rather than help them. I no longer have contact with family, I only hear from my mum when she demands CM payments which I do pay monthly out of my disability benefits. I'm in an absolute crap space, physically, spiritually, emotionally. It's been 5 days since I've left my bed and I can't even get up to look after my toddler. I can't go to the shop alone because I'm worried everyone are looking and judging me. I'm known to make poor life decisions which is probably why my family cut contact. I just don't know how I'm supposed to start my life over at this point with absolutely nothing. My midwife is very aware of the situation but I've recieved no additional support. I've seen her a total of 2 times. I have extreme trauma to hospital settings so I don't know if that's why but she said she'll see me again at 28 weeks and then 35 weeks with the homebirth team. I'm just so scared to reach out because of what happened to my first baby, I don't want them thinking I'm incapable and then ending up completely alone. I don't want to put the burden on them that they're all that's keeping me going. But honestly at the moment it is 😔 I have HG and my toddler has extremely bad food intolerances so has 5-8 very dirty nappies a day which make me so sick because they're so much smellier than they should be. His doctor said he has too much milk but I've cut a lot of dairy out of his diet and it's still the same. My "DP" has blocked me on all social media and he's impossible to get hold of. So I'm really worrying for when I go into labour as I know I won't be able to get hold of him. It's just all too much and I'm past the point of having a breakdown because it's already happened. I just wish I had someone to hug and tell me everything will be OK. I swear even just that one small thing could save me right now