Don't know how much more I can take

[Noideawhat123]

Will keep this as short as possible because I simply don't have the energy to write an essay. 23 weeks pregnant with mental health issues, learning difficulties and autistic with a severely autistic toddler. Been with my "DP" for 10 years but he treats me like utter dirt, but I can't leave because I have no money or savings and nowhere to go. He bullies me on a daily basis. I had a baby at 16 who went to live with my mum due to trying to unalive myself multiple times. I never recieved any support after the birth. As soon as he was born I wasn't able to recognise him as my own, I was so unwell that my body rejected him and I could never understand why. And I still don't. Always suffered from severe mental health since I was in primary school, but I was always brushed off. Been on lots of different kinds of antidepressants which exaggerate my symptoms rather than help them. I no longer have contact with family, I only hear from my mum when she demands CM payments which I do pay monthly out of my disability benefits. I'm in an absolute crap space, physically, spiritually, emotionally. It's been 5 days since I've left my bed and I can't even get up to look after my toddler. I can't go to the shop alone because I'm worried everyone are looking and judging me. I'm known to make poor life decisions which is probably why my family cut contact. I just don't know how I'm supposed to start my life over at this point with absolutely nothing. My midwife is very aware of the situation but I've recieved no additional support. I've seen her a total of 2 times. I have extreme trauma to hospital settings so I don't know if that's why but she said she'll see me again at 28 weeks and then 35 weeks with the homebirth team. I'm just so scared to reach out because of what happened to my first baby, I don't want them thinking I'm incapable and then ending up completely alone. I don't want to put the burden on them that they're all that's keeping me going. But honestly at the moment it is 😔 I have HG and my toddler has extremely bad food intolerances so has 5-8 very dirty nappies a day which make me so sick because they're so much smellier than they should be. His doctor said he has too much milk but I've cut a lot of dairy out of his diet and it's still the same. My "DP" has blocked me on all social media and he's impossible to get hold of. So I'm really worrying for when I go into labour as I know I won't be able to get hold of him. It's just all too much and I'm past the point of having a breakdown because it's already happened. I just wish I had someone to hug and tell me everything will be OK. I swear even just that one small thing could save me right now

Oh my love there are so many problems here to unpack, and HG alone is enough to make most mums feel on the edge of being unable to cope.

I am sending you a huge virtual hug.

Look at this another way - your toddler adores you, is safe and clean and fed. Soon you’ll have another baby you will love and who will love you and be safe and clean and fed. This is not a tiny achievement- it’s a big accomplishment.

Anyone who has a baby at 16 is bound to find it hard. Please don’t punish yourself- you were only a child. I had my first baby at 33 and I can promise you that instant attachment you expect to feel, it doesn’t always happen. But in time your troublesome toddler will be a big kid, and you’ll be happy together.

It’s hard now - yes it really is - but do speak to your MW because they honestly want the best for you and your kids. If you get help now, you might find the next few months are a lot easier.

This is the MH board not AIBU. Please show a little more kindness to the OP who is struggling

Go see your doctor and show her you post.

I guess there could be coercion going on?

There's already a toddler being neglected. Time for a reality check not mollycoddling.

How is that helpful to the OP?

He's not neglected. He's fed and clean. It's me I'm neglecting more than anything. I'm driving around in a car with no MOT because I can't afford to get it through another. I just came back from the shop and he grabbed me by the neck and shoved me after not seeing or hearing him for over 24 hours. I don't know what I did. Then my phone smashed so only half the screen is working now. I've badly self harmed for the first time in years, I've tried so hard not to listen to the urges but today it's got the best of me. I honestly don't think I can take any more. I have nobody. Nothing

Less than useful. If you can't say anything that might help button it.

I wish I had some suggestions 🙏

Im sorry you are going through such a tough time OP. Please don’t lose hope as life can improve (even if it is hard to believe that at the moment)
I’m a bit confused about your living situation. Are you living with your partner or who is looking after your toddler when you are struggling so much that you can’t get out of bed for 5 days?
Have you tried reaching out to the MH crisis team as it sounds like you need some urgent help?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health Resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Where are your parents? Can they have your toddler? If not, any other family/friends?

In your place I would seek psychiatric help right now. Ask to be sectioned. That way you will keep yourself and baby safe.🩷

OP I'm so sorry you don't have a mum looking out for you, it sounds like you could desperately do with that. Your partner is never going to look after you, it sounds like he is vile. You say you can't leave because you have nowhere to go, but you need to leave, you can't keep going like this. Have you spoken to women's aid? I really think you need some help and support to get out of this situation.

Do you have 2 children and one on the way OP? The other thing I really think you need to do if to think carefully about contraception after you've had your baby and consider getting something long term like the implant, especially if you know you are prone to making poor choices.

I really think you need to be in a refuge, please contact Woman's aid and get some support for yourself.

Please speak to Women's Aid 0808 2000 247 or your local domestic abuse service. Then on Monday contact your midwife, let her know how bad things have got and request a referral to the perinatal mental health team. You don't have to do this alone.

Op I’ve been where you are now and I promise you it will get so much better if you can get away from this man. The first step is to seek help from women’s aid like pp have said. It’s the first step up the ladder and your life will improve massively.
There is help out there and honestly it will get better. please get out of there and away from this man he is dragging you down.
Feel free to drop me a pm if you just need someone to talk to but stay on here everyone will support you ♥️

Midwife here. I think you should consider referring yourself for Early Help (enhanced support from Health Visitors) - please tell your midwife everything and ask for this. Also ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health team and possibly and IDVA (a domestic violence advocate). You are already vulnerable, your partner is abusing you and your mental health could decline even further. You need extra support in all areas as I worry this could all go south very quickly and social services may need to step in. Please, please reach out to your midwife or Health Visitors. Good luck.

I'm going to call my midwife on Monday to see what my options are. So this baby and the previous were planned. I never expected to be put in a situation where my partner would do a complete 360 on me after 10 years together in my late 20s and him in his late 30s. I feel like an irresponsible teenager again and I'm so ashamed. I don't know whether he's found someone else, but he keeps saying I need to go. He's given me 2 days to pack and leave otherwise he said he's going to smash my stuff up. I have nobody for support, my mother hates my guts, and I never knew my dad so he's out of the question. No aunts, siblings etc. I don't have any friends because quite honestly I'm probably not worthy of having any. I tried before but they never stuck around for long. This was always going to be my last baby, the pregnancy has been a huge struggle physically anyway so it's not something I could deal with again. I didn't experience any problems with my MH with the last one, but I had so much more support then especially from my partner. This time I swear he's made me gone crazy. I hate having to discreetly whip my phone out every time I hear him move in case I have to record him trying to hurt me or verbally abuse me. I know I need to leave but I'm so scared of the unknown

I’m confused now as you said in a post on another thread that this baby was unplanned?

You must be confusing me with another poster because I haven't said anything about it being unplanned. Where did you see that?

on a thread about lone parenting :-

Noideawhat123 · 15/10/2025 15:52

I actually felt more single in my "relationship" of 10 years, than when I was a single parent at just aged 17. When you're a single parent, there are resources to help you. Family are more willing to help and support you. But when you're with a partner, people automatically assume you're getting support from them, whether that's financially, emotionally or physically.
I had none of that with my "partner". The only thing I got out of it was being allowed to live in his parents spare home for 2 years after we had our eldest. I'm completely broke, because I'm now pregnant (unplanned), and I wasn't able to work as my toddler wasn't old enough for funded nursery yet. Wasn't allowed to claim benefits, because that made me "lazy". I bought all of the food for me and toddler, furniture, clothes, literally everything we need was on me.
But of course, my situation is probably extremely unusual. I think the majority of stable people would've left a long time ago. I think it's the trauma bond that made it so difficult to. But in my case, I was certainly a single parent while with this man. I had no one to fall back on, nobody to call in case of emergencies as he'd never reply, nobody to share a bed with as we even had separate rooms. It was just downright miserable. Currently sorting out housing and money before new baby gets here, and finally as a truly single parent. I grew up in a single mother household, so it's not an awful shock to the system. But already I'm getting offered so much more support

I can't comment as to why I put unplanned, maybe to avoid judgement because I've had some really evil comments about it. Not sure why you're going through my comment history though

No sinister intention. I was trying to understand your living situation because you are obviously struggling. You have been in bed for five days so I was confused about who was looking after your toddler.

I've been getting up to feed, wash, care etc. for him. but then I get so exhausted I just collapse back into bed. Or the anxiety hits and the only thing that helps is being wrapped up in a soft blanket until it passes. Partner is always working or busy but goes and gets him milk. I have to get my own food though and today was the first time I've gone to the shop in ages. I thought I was going to pass out the anxiety was so bad. He knows I struggle with the shopping alone but he's no longer willing to come with me so I suppose I don't really have much of a choice. The fridge was completely empty. Atleast I can say I'm slightly proud of myself for doing that but I have to get used to it now. It's just the thought of everyone staring at me makes it so difficult

That sounds so tough and you should feel really proud of yourself for achieving what you have.
i really hope your midwife can help you get the support you need 💐

If you have a learning difficulty and neurodiversity as described in your original post, you should be entitled to a disability social worker to help support you, contact your GP to ask for a referral to them. Also women's aid is really important right now for you, for accommodation and support in regards to leaving your abusive partner. Are you on any medication? Have you had any therapy?