So, I’m a man of 41 years old and have split with my long term partner, we have 2 beautiful children together but towards the end started to be abusive and did hurt her, the situation is still quite raw and recent but also she has gone above and beyond to make sure I’m there and have every opportunity to be there for our children. My ex partner is still incredibly angry, or cross as she would say. And I fully understand that.
alcohol has played a significant role in this behaviour and I have fully owned up and accepted this to be the case.
I still love her so much and hate that I have behaved in this way, it has absolutely devastated me and I know my feelings are secondary at this time and I owe her and our beautiful children everything I have to offer for the rest of my life.
I’ve put myself in some very dangerous situations, and self awareness and zest for life has gone, because of my behaviour, on a seesaw type of scale, I could end my life right now but my children come into my head and that stops me from doing anything stupid, the last 6 weeks, less and less they come into my head and I can feel myself almost at the end, but the darkness and low mood, sadness, upset, hurt and pain right now is unbearable and nobody deserves have this on them hence why it’s turned internally, I’m the one that’s caused this, I’m the problem, I take myself out of the equation, everybody’s problems go away, I offer nothing positive and it’s not like I consume alcohol to get to this state, I’m so flat, and just cannot live with my behaviour, I feel it coming and it’s inevitable the impending end that it’s just at the point of no return! I love my ex-partner and my children, I don’t love myself anymore. (edited my MNHQ to remove identifying details)