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My own fault

3 replies

Stevenzeph · 22/10/2025 16:18

So, I’m a man of 41 years old and have split with my long term partner, we have 2 beautiful children together but towards the end started to be abusive and did hurt her, the situation is still quite raw and recent but also she has gone above and beyond to make sure I’m there and have every opportunity to be there for our children. My ex partner is still incredibly angry, or cross as she would say. And I fully understand that.
alcohol has played a significant role in this behaviour and I have fully owned up and accepted this to be the case.
I still love her so much and hate that I have behaved in this way, it has absolutely devastated me and I know my feelings are secondary at this time and I owe her and our beautiful children everything I have to offer for the rest of my life.
I’ve put myself in some very dangerous situations, and self awareness and zest for life has gone, because of my behaviour, on a seesaw type of scale, I could end my life right now but my children come into my head and that stops me from doing anything stupid, the last 6 weeks, less and less they come into my head and I can feel myself almost at the end, but the darkness and low mood, sadness, upset, hurt and pain right now is unbearable and nobody deserves have this on them hence why it’s turned internally, I’m the one that’s caused this, I’m the problem, I take myself out of the equation, everybody’s problems go away, I offer nothing positive and it’s not like I consume alcohol to get to this state, I’m so flat, and just cannot live with my behaviour, I feel it coming and it’s inevitable the impending end that it’s just at the point of no return! I love my ex-partner and my children, I don’t love myself anymore. (edited my MNHQ to remove identifying details)

OP posts:
PipMumsnet · 22/10/2025 16:25

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.
MNHQ

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Eyesopenwideawake · 22/10/2025 16:47

If you followed through with those thoughts you'd be freezing this moment in time for your children, your ex, your family, friends, colleagues and everyone who's life you've touched. There'd be no making amends, no answering the 'whys', no explaining and no way of containing the pain that will explode and then ripple out for years, with no chance of stilling that water.

If you are the problem then you are also the solution. There would have been in the past – and will be again in the future – a time when considering this action would be unthinkable, laughable even.

Reach out for help, talk to your local Andy's https://andysmanclub.co.uk/groups/ or the Samaritans but don't leave your children in limbo for the rest of their lives. They, and you, deserve so much more.

Find A Support Group - ANDYSMANCLUB

Use our map to find your nearest ANDYSMANCLUB group. All our clubs meet on Mondays at 7pm and any man over 18 can attend.

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/groups/

Stevenzeph · 22/10/2025 20:11

I’m really scared now, I think it’s gonna be tonight…

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