Last night I wrote a letter and figured out a plan to no longer be here.
I am suffering massively after a breakup that was my fault. I'm no teenager. I'm mid 30s. I have had my share of grief and this has been the straw that broke the camels back.
I am on antidepressants and in therapy but I just really clearly no longer want to be here.
The only reason I didn't is because my brother came in while I was crying , we talked and he promised me not to do anything.
But I can't promise that.
I've lost so many people I love and I feel mentally and emotionally broken.
I simply do not want to be here and if I could flick a switch and be gone I would.
I wish it was more socially acceptable to let people go. We put so much into fighting to keep people alive but for some being alive is like being in hell. Its excruciating.
I wish I could sign up for euthanasia and just go. I find the world too much and I've had so much loss. I just want to go to sleep and have it be over. They say life is a gift but it just seems to be a process of slowly being chipped away at, slowly losing everything and everyone. My life is so empty now and I have no strength to keep fighting.
If I can't do it myself, I have been praying to be in an accident or get an illness or even be murdered.
I think some people aren't made for this world and I'm one of them. And I so desperately want to go.