Suicidal

[LidFlipper]

I don’t have anyone to talk to in real life.
I cry all day every day. I’m just existing so my kids don’t have to grow up without a Mum. My husband is great but he’s at a loss because I can’t bring myself to tell him that I want to die.
I hate myself so much. My life is great but I just want to die. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to phone the crisis team because wtf are they gonna do.

You can just go to A&E and ask for help. Could you do that?

I'm glad you've texted. Now speak to your husband and make that first step.

How are you doing?
Did you get a reply to your text, yet?

No. I had a sleep with the baby. I don’t feel any better.

Even if you don't feel better for it, a little sleep will have been good for you. Hopefully you will get a reply back soon x

I hope you've managed to get a reply to your text. Any chance having a chat with your husband? Just begin the process.

You sound so unhappy and you absolutely do need help. Lots of links to click on here which may help.
Please know that life is a series of ups and downs, and you are in a downward spiral now and it can be almost impossible to see the way out. I've been there and it does get better, I promise. You need the right people who can help you.
If you ring 111 they may be able to get you an urgent GP appointment. Don't minimise how you are feeling.
Sending virtual hugs and love.

OP do these feelings coincide with your menstrual cycle? My friend was diagnosed with pmdd which had similar symptoms to bipolar. It was severe hormone imbalance in he case.

I’ve not been on any meds since I started trying to conceive so about 2 years. I know I need to go back on them and I have managed to get the breastfeeds down to just once a day but I need to stop completely.

That sounds like a good idea, get baby onto formula and restart your meds. You've done well to bf for 9 months.

That sounds like a positive route to take OP. If your meds are not compatible with continuing to breastfeed it seems like now is the right time to switch away from bf and restart meds.

You have done incredibly well to feed you little one to 9 months. I guess baby is eating solids and taking formula at other times?

I found giving up that last daily feed hard but a healthy happy mum is what your baby needs most.

I was here a few months ago. Got help, took the drugs and went to therapy. So happy now that I didn't go through with it.

Thank you for all your support yesterday everyone. Have woken up manic today (which is good, I have type 2 so my highs aren’t all that high). I’m feeling better and am going to phone the perinatal team tomorrow .

So glad to read you are feeling better and going to phone the perinatal team.

Morning! I'm glad you're feeling better. Make sure that you get the help you need.

I feel the same op. Im hollow inside