Hi howdoibegintodeal,
We're really sorry to hear you're feeling this way.
We can see that you're getting some good advice and support from other Mumsnetters here on your thread, but we just wanted to add a link to our Mental Health resources - there are lots of organisations listed which can give you some help right now, so please take a look.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected], or phone, anytime, on 116 123.
If you find texting easier, please take a look at Shout's website. Shout 85258 is a free, confidential, anonymous text support service. Its trained volunteers are available all hours of the day and night to listen and support you to get to a calmer and safe place.
Here too is a link to Mind's website, and in particular their tips for everyday living which could help when you're feeling low.
Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you'll be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.
We're moving this thread over to our Mental Health topic now.
Sending good wishes, OP. 