I don't see a way to get past my thoughts

[Alicew00]

Recently my confidence and self esteem has taken a big turn. I don't look in mirrors anymore. I'm currently eating a lot less probs due to a cold I have but I'm eating one meal a day and maybe a snack to get skinny.

I keep changing my mind about everything. I can't make decisions and feel like everyone thinks I'm stupid.
Because I'm having to find another job but then decide I'm not going to be good enough for it so I let them down but told my current job I was leaving. I think they're letting me stay now. But also I went to work today and the atmosphere was so bad. I felt like I'd been talked about. When I came out of work I was having suicidal thoughts.
The stress of having to go jobcentre every week is getting on top of me. They're pressuring me because I don't work enough hours. I'm trying everything.
I've been taking antidepressants 20mg for months now but I still feel down and don't know what am doing in life.

have u gone back to the doctor to have your medication reviewed?

No, my doctor just weans me off of them and then I end going back on them. Been like that 10 years now

Can you switch doctors? your dose may need changing or you may need to try different types if this none isn't working for you.
Have they offered any therepy previously or is this something you could ask for (even to get on a wait list if it's not something u can pay for)

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like this Op, i can totally relate to this thinking. You sound very down on yourself and you say you "feel like they think I'm stupid" or "i feel like they talked about me."

This is classic negative thinking (i also suffer from this very badly) and you don't know that these people feel like this. They may think you're wonderful and funny and kind and special. The problem is you can't see that because your brain is playing nasty tricks on you.

I've suffered from this for most of my life and it's a miserable bastard to live with day to day. CBT can help unravel your negative thinking and allow you to be more kind to yourself. It isnt easy at all but it can help, it helped me up to a point.

Every time you assume something, a situation or a feeling, take a long deep breath and question your own thoughts for a few minutes.

If i had a pound for every situation i blew waaaaay out of proportion and overreacted to (today included) i would be a very very rich woman.

You can do this, you have the power to change you way of thinking but you may need to reach out and get some professional help to guide in in the right direction. Good luck op and don't give up, there is light and joy out there for you. x

Thank you, I will definitely try that. Glad I'm not the only one going through it but also wish no one was. It is horrible. Sometimes I think oh who cares if they don't like me then they don't.

But sometimes I do care and wish I didn't.

Here are two little quotes which I keep on my desktop as a reminder to myself when i'm feeling like this. x

"Let go of being responsible for other people’s feelings."

“Be engaged in your real life, not in imagined moments.”

Thank you Geogaddi. I copied those to my notes and read them everyday. Its kind of helped. Thanks