I'm too tired to type my story but I don't want to feel alone but feel unable to bother and worry people in my life. Sorry. 
I went to the park very early this morning thinking it would help me to feel better marching round for an hour but I spent the whole time fantasising about my suicide.
I came home and got very panicked and upset and I don't have any more diazepam but then calmed down a bit.
I was referred to crisis team the other week. Sorry
I got through the day but now I feel very bad and I can hardly move my body. I had a little drink which took the edge off