Just need to express this and have something say something vaguely encouraging.
I have two gorgeous ds's 21 months and 3 1/2 and have been on ads for almost 12 months and am going through a really low patch at the moment. I'm really up and down with it. I have no tolerance for these boys that I adore. I just want to sleep, have them play by themselves or hand them over to dh the minute he walks in so I can lock myself away in another room or go for a walk just to get some head space. I scream at them, not just shout, really scream and it breaks my heart and five minutes later we are all in tears and I feel truly like a monster. They are beautiful boys and I know the reason they are being naughty is to get my attention because I'm so distant because I'm just not coping. Tonight ds1 would not go to sleep and i just felt like if I had to go into his bedroom one more time I would slap him or shout at him or slam the door closed or all three.
I hate myself for being this mother that I never wanted to be and I love these two boys with all my heart. Its hideous and yet from all outside appearances my life is utterly blessed. I have two lovely boys, a gorgeous dh, a part time job I love, no real money worried, live in a fantastic area and have wonderful family and friends and yet I feel unable to cope with the slighest stress or pressure or demand. Time for more drugs?