I have ptsd, bpd and major depression. I post here sometimes for support etc. I am feeling suicidal and don't know what to do with myself. I keep having flashbacks and feelings from when I was abused and neglected when younger. I can't cope and have been self-harming and drinking more and more frequently. I have scratches all over my arms from self harming today. I am taking anti depressants and anti psychotics. My anti psychotics have made me gain weight and I have started to get uriniary incontience. My CPN is useless. The clinic messed up my last app. so now I'm stuck until the end of October in ever increasing rapid cycles with my BPD, drinking to stop it all getting on top of me and not coping. I have been feeling suicidal today and can't cope anymore. My dd is abroad with friends, due to come home on Saturday and I am scared I won't be around to see her come back. The rapid cycles are practically killing me and I just can't cope anymore.