On the verge of giving up :(

[divorcedtobe]

In the middle of a horrible divorce. Ex is wants us out of the house. Has been doing all sorts of financial Armageddon type things. I've been sensible but now looks like he's going to get his way and I'm the one who has to pick up the pieces and raise the kids and move home school job. I am on the verge of giving up the boys and letting him sort them out. Fed up of fighting for a life I don't even want. Is that so bad to just let him have them. I don't want any of this crap anymore.

Don't give up! Do not let him get to u. Look to the future with your babies...doesn't matter if u move downsize whatever. U will have a happy freedom once u get through this dark patch.
I'm going through similar and had similar thoughts to yours a few weeks ago. Hang in there you are strong and you will be a fantastic role model to your children showing them you can make the best of whatever comes your way xxx

How is he going to get the house? Who said? Only believe it from a judge.......

Does he want the kids or is he just trying to break you?

I don't want to be strong. I think it's overrated and just lets the bastards get away with it all. Most of the time I think about how I'd kill my self and the kids. Or dream about getting on a plane and just going away on my own and starting again. Smiling and laughing and being fine and strong is a front that is exhausting. I have tried honest I have but am juggling and can't throw any more balls in the air. And I hate that I sound melodramatic and know that there are worse cases but a horrible abusive marriage that I didn't even see I was in and now more nastiness? Fed up.

Do you have any real-life support you can talk to? Anyone you can ask to look after the kids for a bit to give you some time out? It's ok to admit you're not coping - call your GP and ask for support (and if your GP doesn't help, find one who will - there are good GPs out there). Ultimately though, so long as he's not abusive to them, then yes, it's ok to not be the primary carer. Just because you're the mum doesn't mean you have to take that role. If he is abusive and this isn't an option, then consider talking to social services and see if there is any respite care available that the kids could go to while you recover a bit. Just don't kill anyone please - apart from anything else, it would be a bloody waste of three good people.

Hi there Divorcedtobe. Sorry for gatecrashing your thread. Just wanted to say we're sorry things are so tough for you at the moment.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Apologies again for the thread hijack, OP, and really hope you manage to find some support in RL. We're going to move this thread over to Mental Health in a moment, where we think you'll find even more support from people who have been in your shoes and come out the other side.

I've just re-read my message and realised I put "three people" even though you'd not said how many kids you had. I assumed two for some reason (you of course being the third good person). I also missed off what should have been the main point - big hugs.

divorcedtobe i'm sorry you feel so low. As others said do you have people in rl to talk to?
I've honestly felt the same as you in the last few weeks, having frequent panic attacks, doubting myself and wanting to run away. I too am trying to break from a relationship i didn't realise was abusive until the abuse hit the roof when i broke it up and people started to tell me what i've experienced is abuse.
Without continous talking about it to family and Women's Aid I'm not sure i'd still be here today parenting my children.

Its bloody hard it really is, but you gotta see the future, without your abuser, just you and your children in a happy place. You will get there.

Keep talking on here, or to friends family or i really recommned women's aid.
Hugs xxx