Had enough, can't stop crying

[CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss]

Everything is a mess. I have complex ptsd, suffer from crippling depression and anxiety and insomnia to top it off. I am on meds but nothing seems to be helping.
I am getting about an hours sleep a night and wake up in a total panic

I don't want to be here anymore. My illness is ruining my family, they deserve so much better than me, and it's all my fault anyway. I should have stopped it.
I just want it all to stop

Thanks Eco, it went ok really. She has gave me some Temazapam so at least I can sleep, contacting the cpn to tell her I need more support and made another appointment for next week to see how things are. I'm quite shakey tonight, feeling very panicky but at least I have something sorted.
Are you enjoying your birthday night?

brilliant. That's a great start. Well done for doing something you find hard. You have strength you didn't know about eh? You said the sleep was the main problem and you're tackling that now. Getting some sleep in the bag will help whatever comes next. Really pleased to hear your news. Have you sent dh to collect prescription?
Birthday progressing in a low key way We all went and parked on the edge of the dunes overlooking the castle and had a dinner picnic in the car boot. lovely fun! I am now in the bath with a bath bomb from lush a friend gave me and I'll shortly have a cuddle in front of the fire with dh. Pretty lucky really And, ecobaby is asleep. perfect!
Hope you keep distracted tonight. Got any good books on the go?

I am looking forward to a nice sleep, Dp and the dds are in our room so I can have dd1s room to have a lie in maybe wishful thinking but things seem better after a good nights sleep.
I am so of your day, it sounds perfect, and couldn't be in a nicer place. Where abouts are you staying?

near Bamburgh cuppa. Very pretty. You're lucky to live close by.
How was the sleep and what do you have planned for today? Anything romantic?

hello cuppa. Very blowy up here today eh? How has your day been and are you preparing for another early night?
I locked us out of car in a howling storm whilst we were away from the cottage this evening so we've had real fun and games. And a very wet baby

how was your weekend cuppa?