sucidal

[endofanera]

Nothing else to say really. I hate feeling like this. I think I can manage it and hope it will pass. But, I am not functioning normally. Its horrid.

[LooseTitsSinkShips]

You still there? Worried!

[endofanera]

I cant go to A&E. I need to work what's happening in my head. I do need help but cant think clearly enough on what I need to do.

[LooseTitsSinkShips]

Phew! Glad you're still with us.

Its really hard to think clearly when you're in a state. Can you go to bed and sleep on it? Or writing things down often helps. If not, sometimes it can help to distract yourself as much as possible until you can get to talk to someone who can help.

Still sending huge hugs.

[Golddigger]

You are most definitely not selfish.

I very much doubt that you are the reason that everything seems to be going wrong around you right now.

Life can be tough though. Glad you have fought since being a teenager. It must have been hard.

I am sort of making an educated guess as to the sort of things that may have happened to you.
Dont know what has happened recently to give you this big setback.

[endofanera]

thankyou so much LTSS. It is really hard to think. GD. Your right. Its something that has been buried for years and its come out at the most unexpected, badly timed place. Completely taken me by surprise and I never knew it could do that. I am hovering over the crisis team number. I want to deal with this. Get it sorted. My life has been and is one long battle and so very cruel.

[Golddigger]

big hugs to you.

I think you need to ring the crisis team number. These sorts of things dont really go away very well until they are talked about. It may need a professional in your case.

[LooseTitsSinkShips]

Golddigger is right.

Please ring the crisis team.

[BuzzardBird]

What help are you having endo?

[endofanera]

None at the moment. Prefer it that way. But, cant go on like this.

[Golddigger]

Perhaps it would help to ask what it is that frightens you if you ring the crisis number for example?

[monopoly123]

Give them a call, either the crisis team or Samaritans m; they will help you ' & this is why they're there.

[endofanera]

I was under them in the past. I cant bring myself to phone them. Don't know what I would say.

[LooseTitsSinkShips]

No shame in having help. We all need it sometimes. Can be pretty crap to all about such personal things with a stranger.........but then can also be weirdly helpful to talk about personal things with a stranger. If you see what I mean....

[Golddigger]

Are you perhaps frightened that if you have children, that they might get taken away? That is a common fear. But the reality seems to be that if someone liases with help, then generally that just does not happen. Even if some sort of emotional help is needed over a long period of time.

[BuzzardBird]

Why don't you just try and see what happens? What is the worst thing that can happen? They don't know you...talk to us if you like. We don't know you either...but we do care

[endofanera]

I don't know GD. I suppose the reality that I need help and its going to take a while to get better. Been caught up in the system again, just want to be back to normal.

[LooseTitsSinkShips]

Never known anyone lose their kids for feeling depressed/suicidal/going through life crap. Really. Not gonna happen.

[Golddigger]

x post.

Would it be the same person as before?

[endofanera]

I do have children. That is a HUGE fear. I am not blind to the fact that that can happen. But, I ever thought I was a risk to my kids then I would move a hundred miles!

[Golddigger]

I think you realise that you really do need to ring them sooner rather than later. It is very hard, when our minds are in a fog, to see very clearly. Almost impossible if you ask me.
And yes, it may all take a while which is going to be painful. But I really do think that you will find your normal again. I really do.

[Golddigger]

And you sound like a lovely mother.

[BuzzardBird]

Ok, so what help do you have from family/friends?

[LooseTitsSinkShips]

The people that lose contact within their kids are the ones who are a proven risk to them. You are not so you will not lose your kids.

[BuzzardBird]

And yes, Golddigger is right. You sound like you wouldn't do anything to put your children in any danger.

[endofanera]

Phoned them. Its a paging service so goodness know how I will wait. Will let you know how it goes. Thankyou so so so so much GD thankyou