sucidal

[endofanera]

Nothing else to say really. I hate feeling like this. I think I can manage it and hope it will pass. But, I am not functioning normally. Its horrid.

[HoopHopes]

Glad Samaritans brill - use them any time you struggling!!

[endofanera]

Thanks Hoop. Phoned Samaritans in the end who where brill!!! Went to bed with no drama's. Going to try and see dr today. Getting very fed up with this episode now! Not on AD's. I am thinking I need to try and mood stabiliser. I have been on olanzapine in the past but don't need to go back on that thankfully!

[HoopHopes]

Can you get someone to drive you to a and e if you cannot get an out of hours appointment if you want medical treatment? Or a taxi? Do you need an ambulance for urgent medical treatment before you can get to a and e by other transport, if so phoning an ambulance is right.

[HoopHopes]

If you are needing more prn meds then crisis team generally are nt the quickest way to get them. The quickest way is a gp or out of hours service. The way to get an appointment with an out of hours dr, who will prescribe what you ran out of is to tell them what you need. If you tell them you are suicidal ( not done anything but feeling it) then they will always say a and e, which means you will not get a gp to prescribe it for you.

If you need medical treatment for an OD then a and e is where to go. Only you know whether you need treatment. I do not know what taking a bit more of piriton does so get medical help if you need it.

Yes they cannot give you any quicker access to MH support than what you already have, which is access to a crisis team and an appointment on Tue, which is not far away now.

Have you used the Samaritans, they can be helpful to offload.

Going to see a gp tomorrow ( phone for emergency appointment) to tell them what you did with the piriton is helpful. They could help with prn medication, if they think it will help.

Are you on AD's, is it worth asking about them or reviewing dosage?

[endofanera]

Phoned crisis team again as have no meds left. They couldn't help as no dr's on duty. Called 111 who wanted me to go to a&e. Not possible. Have now taken a small OD of piriton in the hope it induces sleep. Its hasn't. Feel like taking more!!! Need some decent medical help but no where to turn at this time of night. Cant sleep, cant deal with how I feel. Would call an ambulance if it meant I would get help but would no doubt be dropped at a&e made to wait for hours, have an assessment then be sent home and back to square one. Cant believe the soonest appointment with MHT is not until late next week!

[LEMisafucker]

Just to offer you more hugs, it sounds like you have too much on your plate just now :( But you know what, you are that little girls mum and you're fighting like a tigress for her, even when you are exhausted.

Can i just say, you seem to go really downhill of a night - i think you should tell this to your crisis team? That is when you seem to need the support.

Lovely - there is NO WAY on this earth your DD is disabled because of you, NO WAY, I don't know the situation and i am loathe to suggest something that will bring you more stress but if you feel you weren't listened to by the medics then maybe you need some legal advice? Not for compensation but to ensure that your DD gets the help she needs. You must stop blaming yourself it is not your fault.

[Golddigger]

[hugs] and more [hugs]

That is enough to make anyone feel tired.
There are lots of different parts in that to deal with.
And trying to battle the NHS must be awful.

[endofanera]

I am going to end this conversation now. I can deal with this, I have too!
It will pass. Sorry to sound so desperate!! Just need to try with all my strength not to OD!!! x

[endofanera]

I haven't got the energy to explain. I just want to end it!!!!!!!! Take away this fucking shit from my life. Its all my fault my dc is disabled. If I didn't have mental health issues the dr's would have believed there was something seriously wrong with my child. Instead the focused on me. Meanwhile my dc had swelling on her brain and now is disabled. I am now been bullied by the nhs ( damage limitation) and dc isn't getting the help she needs. That's just half of it. I have failed as a mum. I live in a world that has zero empathy. I cant see a future for me. I am tired.

[Golddigger]

Just noticed this.

I would believe you endofanera.
I have heard things in my life. I used to be a mentor for people who had all sorts happen to them.

[endofanera]

I give up. There is nothing I can do to make this shit end. It all hurts so much. I cant do this anymore. I am not even sodding articulate enough to explain my inner turmoil. I if told the whole story of what happened to me.. no one would believe it. Cant stop this bloody roller-coaster. Its all a mess, my life is ruined. I am tired. Want to take an OD so so so so so much. But, it would ruin my kids and I cant do that to them. At least I can see that. The other day I thought it would be the best thing for them if I ended it. But the joy in my DC when she is with mummy and daddy, I couldn't do it. But, if any more crap happens that is on the same ilk that has been happening I will have no choice.

[LEMisafucker]

Glad you are feeling a bit better and you were able to talk to someone x

[endofanera]

Thanks LEM. I phoned Samaritan's. They where helpful. I managed to go to bed and sleep. Feeling less unstable at the moment. Really looking forward to this episode been over!!

[LEMisafucker]

I think you should call someone - even if its just the samaritans. I remember taking too much diazepam once, horrible paranoid feeling. Can you call your crisis team?

[endofanera]

Feeling really unstable. Since I got the diazepam I feel like aking all of them. Its an impulsive thing. Feeling really unwell. Mood swings are bizarre at the moment. One minute I want to plan a huge Christmas party with lots of people, start a campaign, run a marathon etc etc the next I feel stupid for thinking those things. Feel detached from reality. ont want to be around people as I am not as I should be. Taken far to many diazepam too but not a dangerous amount. Day by day hour by hour!

[LEMisafucker]

here!!!

[LEMisafucker]

I am ere, whats wrong?

[fliss28]

I'm
So sorry to hear u are feeling this bad. Hugs to u. I was just reading ur thread and wanted to say u are not alone. Sorry I can't be of much help,

[endofanera]

Please.. anyone there?? I feel out of control :(

[endofanera]

Argh! Still feel horrid. MHT team have made an appointment with me for next week. Got diazepam from GP. Have taken too many tonight but not a dangerous amount. Really really struggling with mood swings. I have so much adrenaline at the moment. Cant do what I normally do in the eve, watch telly, Facebook etc etc. HATE HATE feeling like this. I have faith it will pss eventually but its so hard not creating a crisis situation, even though I now that's what is needed - I think??? One minuite I am totally overwhelmed with happiness and plans for life, the next I am questioning those plans and rationalising where they come from. Followed by complete despair. I feel so unstable at the moment. I hate crisis!!!!

[LEMisafucker]

Gosh, you are so brave, very well done - things are going to be better now

[Golddigger]

Very glad you now have the support you need.

[BuzzardBird]

This is so good endo well done. I wish I were as brave as you :)

[endofanera]

spoke to lovely cpn. He is referring me to MHT and they will be in touch on Monday. I can phone them back anytime if I need too. Will try and hang in there until Monday but feel I can phone if I need to before then.