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Mental health

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Original poster

Wish I was dead id b better off

28 replies

Lonelybunny · 14/06/2013 20:27

Health anxiety is a b now it's the lump/cyst on my arm is cancerous I'm done with this shit I'm better off dead then with all this worry I just can't take anymore, we only get one life and no point spending mine like this

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QOD · 14/06/2013 20:28

Is it though or is that your worry?
Keep talking, someone with experience will be along momentarily

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 14/06/2013 20:33

Yea seriously it's better I'm not here I feel sick with worry I'd rather be dead them worry , I knows kids will be safe and well looked after

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Coconutty · 14/06/2013 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perplexedpirate · 14/06/2013 20:47

Oh, health anxiety is a twat! You have my sympathies, I'm just getting over it after 5 years of living a half life.
Do you have someone in real life to talk to?
Have you seen GP?

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 14/06/2013 20:48

No not right now ,DP doesn't understand . I think this lump is bad news and I know it's gonna get me so what's the point to wait

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Original poster

Lonelybunny · 14/06/2013 20:54

I hate this , I feel like I just want to sit at home tommorow and think about my arm :( I'm fed up I really am . Living in fear like this , if I was dead I would no no better would I ?

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QOD · 14/06/2013 20:55

But chances are its nothing, and your kids won't be better without you, they just won't.

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 14/06/2013 21:01

They would when I'm like this . I just want to sit and cry and be left alone . It's all my fault for no getting more citalopram. I've had the lump for a long time so y now am I panicking about it? Cause this anxiety wants to get me or cancer does one of them want to

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shellandkai · 14/06/2013 21:04

You say your kids will be safe and looked after and I can understand you are going through alot but trust me no matter how well looked after they will be noone can ever replace their mum or the hurt.

I'm 26 My mum has been Ill with all sorts for the past 2 years she said this many times and trust me it hurt alot my youngest sister being only 12.

My mum is now in hospital has been for 3 weeks with a rare brain infection that we have been told by doctors she could die, me my brothers and sisters are heart broken about this.

My point being you may feel Very down or depressed but get some help for it and make the most of the time you have with your kids because trust me it is truly a very scary and very heart breaking time losing/going to lose your mum. Try to be strong for your kids please op. x

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 14/06/2013 21:05

Perplex I have seen a GP about the so called lump in my boob and she put me on citalopram . I went back today to get more . Then when I was home a few hours I started fixating on lump in arm . Sick of it now

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Original poster

Lonelybunny · 14/06/2013 21:06

I lovey kids so much they deserve so much better then this

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Original poster

Lonelybunny · 14/06/2013 21:09

I'm
So sorry shellandkai that's terrible for you I hope your mum gets better. My kids are still very young oldest is 8 . I think part of it is knowing I will die and leave them eventually. I think it's part PND after 3rd DC I'm not sure but I'm terrified.

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sydlexic · 14/06/2013 21:10

Dead or worrying are not the only options. I have been exactly where you are. You know it is health anxiety, try to tell yourself not to listen to the voice telling you otherwise.

Keep taking your medication, give it time to work. Try to get some exercise and plenty of rest. I know it is so hard to get started but take one day at a time.

I hope you feel better soon, it is hideous isn't it.

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 14/06/2013 21:13

Thank you , I just wish it would leave me alone. Looks like I will b getting more bloody scans on a bean sizes lump and look like a prat whilst I'm there ! I wish I could turn back 2 years ago when I was happy. I've always had spouts of depression but since having DC3 I've been getting this. Could it be hormones from bfeeding ?

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shellandkai · 14/06/2013 21:25

See your kids are very young still op as I said I'm 26 and still need my mum I cry alot now seeing her in such a bad way and thinking what am I going to do without my mum, if I'm thinking that at 26 what would your kids feel like if they knew how you felt or even the prospect of losing you?

I know it's scary but as my partner always says to me Keep thinking positive until you have been told the worst my mum had a lump on her back about a year back it was scary but turned out to be nothing more than a cyst don't get too worried op I know it is hard but wait until you have been told the worst.

Also I would go see a go about how your feeling my step dad suffers from
Bad anxiety himself so I know it's hard but there are things that could help.

As for my mum all we can do is pray that she comes back to us, it's not looking too good but we can't give up until we are told the absolute worst.

Trust me I know the feeling of feeling depressed I'm into my 23rd week of 2nd pregnancy with very low placenta, ds is in his terrible 2's partner was in hospital last week due to struggling to breath etc (he's back home now but not fully well yet) mum
Is in hospital doesn't even recognize me most days. So I know the feeling I really do, and I just hope for you it's good news and that you do start feeling better soon. X

mummymccar · 14/06/2013 21:29

How long ago did you have DC3? Hormones can do really funny things to you, as can exhaustion. When you have a child you do often become very aware of your own mortality. A year ago (this week actually) my dd was a few months old, I was exhausted and stressed with the pressures of life and I decided one day that my DP and DD would be better off without me. I started planning how I could do it and when and got as far as arranging for DP and DD to be out of the house before I realised I needed help. The Samaritans were fantastic and got me through the weekend until I could see my GP to get some Sertraline.
Your kids won't be better off without you, but I understand that anxiety is emotionally crippling. I think you should ring the Samaritans tonight (they are trained and there to help) and maybe you could see your GP on Monday?
The Samaritans are on 08457 90 90 90

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 14/06/2013 21:33

I'm 29 so I should baking the most of life . I've had a lot over the years. Got a caution for something stupid , got pregnant within 3 months of meeting DP, then had DC2 whilst DC2 was 8 months DP was told he could be deported as his asylum claim was dismissed despite him being here since 1992 and paying tax , got pregnant during this time decided to have an abortion as thought DP was being deported , turned out fine , had DC 3 last year, been through 2 house moves, my mums best friend having cancer twice , I think I've had it pretty shit and I've had enough to b honest

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Original poster

Lonelybunny · 14/06/2013 21:38

Thank you mummy , I will give them a call but when DP isn't within earshot, I've been meaning to call them but keep putting myself off but I think I need to

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Original poster

Lonelybunny · 14/06/2013 21:40

DC 3 is nearly a year btw

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yamsareyammy · 14/06/2013 21:42

Wow, that is a lot for a person to cope with.
Samaritans and GP seem a good ideas to me.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 14/06/2013 21:51

Your children will not be better off without you honey. I used to look after 3 children, of 4, 6 and 8 who's Mum died suddenly. If you've ever watched a 6yo off to sleep and the last words he says before he drifts off, hugging her T shirt, are "I want my mummy" you'd realise that.
You have a lot on your plate right now, but your life isn't over. You need to speak to someone, and get some help, you have said yourself that you think you have PND. Please speak to your GP, and go easy on yourself. {{{hug}}}

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 15/06/2013 09:13

Thanks everyone . I just wish my brain could function properly :(

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perplexedpirate · 15/06/2013 09:34

Hey Bunny, what a few years you've had!
With me, it was losing my nan and two friends, both younger than me, just after DS was born that set it off. I was put on Citalopram too and I'm currently in the process of reducing to come off it completely. What I have learned, is that coming straight off or missing meds makes me much, much worse, so if you've come straight off your pills it's not surprising you're in a bit of a tailspin.
Try to remember that this isn't you, it's the anxiety playing its sly, evil tricks with you.

mummymccar · 15/06/2013 09:47

It sounds like you have had a very tough few years, that would make even the strongest person crumble.
I agree with above about coming off the pills without weaning off first. It can make things ten times worse unfortunately.
How are you feeling this morning? Did you manage to speak to Samaritans last night?

Original poster

Lonelybunny · 15/06/2013 10:14

I'm feeling better this am , less anxious , still there at the back of my mind but Im managing to push it away. Not spoken to them yet, but I will, is like some sort of CBT but don't know how to get it

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