Not sure where to post. How long before you can report a person (with mentsl health issues) as missing?

[Marne]

Hopfully it wont come to that

Dss(19) has disapeared, was ment to be going to the doctors at 10am (not sure if he went), his mum left him some money to put electric on the meter, he has taken it and disapeared, he's left his phone at home (very unlike him) and no one has seen him all day, i havn't got a clue where to start looking. He had a break down a few months ago and ended up in hospital for 3 weeks, he seemed to be improving but then started to return to his normal depressed self (being lazy, not getting out of bed ect..), last week he emptied his mums bank account (not sure how this happened and i don't know the details). His mum has phoned me as she's worried, i spoke to him first thing this morning as he phoned to ask for the gp's phone number (maybe that was his way of asking if i could go with him?), i now feel guilty that i didn't offer to go with him . I know that chances are he will turn up and will be fine but a part of me is very worried as i don't know what his mental state is (i have not seen him for 2 weeks).

How long before worry and report him as missing?

As he's vulnerable I'd report it now.

Me too, I'd report him

sorry

I would report him too as he is vulnerable. Discuss it with the police and see what they want to do at this stage. Being found and finding the police involved may also shock him into realising that he matters to you. Not a message he always seems to get from his mum.

I'm waiting for dh to get in and then he can phone exw to see if he has turned up, his brother was ment to come and get some money off me for electric but he hasn't turned up (so maybe dss1 has come home?), dh will be home in a bit. He only has £10 but that could get him quite far on a bus, we live in the midle of nowhere so not much chance he's still in the village. If he's not back when dh gets home we will phone around and i will take DSS2 out to look for him (as he knows where his mates live and where he might go), if no sign of him by the time its dark then i think we will phone the police . I just hope he's ok, i dont think he's suicidal (but i can't be sure), when he had a break down he showed sign of schizophrenia.

Just spoke to DSS2 and DSS1 is at a friends house (they found him by phoning around), not sure whats going on with him though, surely its not normal to run off with the electric money and clear your mums bank account?

Sounds awful. Glad he's been found.

Don't know the back story but you reference in OP him returning to his 'normal depressed self' then say 'being lazy' - people with depression are not in any way lazy - really really not :(

Horribleday-he's always been lazy and withdrawn, we think he may have Autism (huge family history) but up until now he has refussed to see doctors (his mum tried to get him acessed when he was 11 but he refussed), we are not sure whats going on with him. He had a breakdown due to taking drugs (sent him into a schizophrenic state), he was phycotic for 2 weeks and would not leave his mums side, the hospital have been doing home visits but have now discharged him as they feel he is better, trouble is this means they think he's well enough to work but he wont look for work and as soon as we try and help him/push him a little he goes off on one. He doesn't want to work as he struggles to talk to people (does not think he can cope in an interview and cant even talk on the phone to apply for a job), i understand that he has problems but so many people have offered him help (the job center even offered to send him on a course to improve his confidence on the phone) but he just doesn't turn up. He can't even be bothered to get a sick note or to sign on (even though we offer to take him).

We have tried so hard to help him and he thows it back at us (by pinching money off his mum and by not taking the help).

He knew today that the £10 his mum left was her last £10 (as he has spent all her money) yet he didn't care that his younger brother and sister would have to sit in a house with no electric. He doesn't seem to care that his mum can not pay the bills because he has spent her wages, he doesn't care that they will go without food.

I don't know what else we can do for him?

And i (and my dh) have suffered from depression so i know how hard it is to get up in the mornings when it feels like theres nothing to get up for but dh has even found him work (a job with a friend) and he still couldn't manage to get up. He said he was unhappy with his teeth (as they are not great) so him mum sorted out a dentist and he was booked in to have them out (again he didn't go).How can we help him if he wont help himself?

Is there elements of severe social anxiety? Has anyone during his admission suggested psychology input (they should have as per NICE guidelines)? I do get that it's incredibly frustrating - ESP with stealing, and when you're trying so hard to put things in place and feel like it's being thrown back at you - which is why I wonder if there's an anxiety component which can often seem like bolshiness or laziness (because of the self isolating)?

Its possable , dh has just been up there to talk to his brother. Apparently he haked into his mums paypal account and has wiped it out, theres a chance the friend he is with now does drugs. Apparently dss1 told dsd that 'he wishes he was back in hospital because everyone was extra nice to him and running around after him'. He has always wanted a lot of attention and what ever he is given is never enough, i just hope he doesn't take drugs to get back into hospital as people would not be as sympathetic if he did it agian .

Sometimes it takes a really long time for people to realise better ways of coping, and to develop the skills needed to do so. What sort of follow up is he getting post-discharge?

I'm not sure, he was having home visits and attending therapy sessions but i think he has stoped going to them. i'm not sure if he has any follow up apointments with the hospital. I can't see him ever being independant TBH, if left to his own devices he would just stay in bed all day and wouldn't eat unless someone brought him food. I'm worried that he's haning around with people who will use him and will offer him drugs, if he's feeling low and wants to go back to hospital then theres nothing stoping him from taking something. He has always expected the world to revolve around him, all the attention has to be on him, he was the same as a small child, he would self harm to distract people from giving his siblings attention. He doesn't like coming over to see us because we have 2 dd's and he wants the attention to be on him (he has said this too us). It was understandable when he was a child (some children like to be the center of attention) but now he's almost 20 years old and still acting like that little boy from 10 years ago.

Sounds very very hard on all of you.

It may be worth asking GP for referral to Early Interventions team - they are intensive and very good at the social and family aspects of MH not just the MH bits IYSWIM?

you can write down your concerns and pass them onto his GP - up to GP then to decide what to do with the information.
but as he is an adult it is liited what you can do directly as he ash to agree to treatment etc .

Thank you.

When he was in hospital we asked them to look into the ASD or ADHD, they said he possably has Aspergers but could not diagnose, we thought he would be referred to be acessed but there has not really been any follow up. As soon as they found out he had been smoking weed before his breakdown they didn't really want to know (just blamed it all on the drugs).

Its hard as he is an adult so we cant drag him off to doctors or tell him what to do but mentaly he's still like a child .

Which is where a team like Early Interventions, even if there were only fleeting or brief psychotic symptoms due to cannabis, come in -- as he will be more vulnerable to future psychosis. It may be worth calling the ward he was on and asking who was down to complete his 7 day follow up, then tracking THEM down and asking what's happening rather than non-expert GP. Good luck x

Thanks HorribleDay, i think dh is going to phone the hospital and see if they can do anything. Its hard when he wont communicate with us (unless he wants to) and his mum seems to just lie about whats going on .

Which leaves you very stuck, frustrated and anxious I imagine :( The other option is a team known as Assertive Outreach but he'd prob need to be 'in the system' and actively refusing to engage plus deteriorating before they get involved.

If he goes AWOL again, another option is your local Crisis team - can be accessed via A& E or by calling local OOH GP who will put you through.

Some of his responses (around attention needing etc - I prefer this to attention seeking which has such negative connotations) do sound quite like he may be on the AS somewhere. Assessing for this in adults can be very hard to access tho - leading to be stuck where you are.

Do you and DH have support in your own right in terms of managing all this?

We don't have any support (other than each other), dh doesn't handle these things well due to his mum taking her own life when he was a child (he's so worried dss will do the same).

Blimey he must be terrified :(

MIND offer loads of local support for carers - if you want to access something like that, groups etc, give their helpline a call and see what there is. I'd strongly recommend them - very supporting and know exactly what you're going through, albeit with each situation being unique xx

We went through MIND when he had his breakdown as we didn't have a clue how to get him acessed or addmited to the hospital, his mum was pretty useless and it was left to us to help him, luckily dh managed to get him to the hospital as we were close to having him sectioned, at that point dh took charge and the hospital did what ever we felt best, then as he got better it was down to dss (so we no longer had a say).

We havn't heard form dss sinse the other day, dh doesn't know how to contact him (as he will probably refuse to speak).

Oh no :( do you know if he's somewhere safe?

We have been trying to get hold of him but no luck (no ones answering the home phone and his mobile has been cut off), it is worrying as his mum never thinks to phone us unless she's really worried.

That's thoughtful of her!!

Dh's ex has just phoned up (drunk as a skunk) asking if we can go and pick dss1 and dss2 up from the pub (ex is not with them, she's gone off somewhere and left the boys to it). Dh is not happy. I don't know what dh ever saw in her, she's a danger to herself and the kids . Hopfully dss1 has not been drinking as i'm sure drink and anti-depresants dont mix?