Falling out over Bojo and general Tory incompetence

[Peterbear]

I've always got on so well with my mum who is late 70's despite having very different political views - which we never discuss.
Today however, I found myself having a huge rant about the Tories,boris and Brexit and venting my frustration re missed opportunities re covid ( I.e. earlier, harder lock down , properly funded NHS etc etc).
My mum defended the gvmt every step (her life hasn't really changed much - ardent daily mail reader) - my life has changed massively and in my view unnecessarily partly due to government incompetence.
We had an awful and uncomfortable conversation/row and I wish I'd kept my views to myself (which I normally do to avoid arguments)I'm just so bloody angry though.
Feel sad and awful now but don't feel sorry for my long held views. Should I apologise? Do others have similar fall outs? How do you reconcile such huge differences? Am really upset about this.

Whilst I agree the government has made a lot of huge mistakes, I gather the Daily Mail is also quite scathing of them so I’m not really sure what your mum reading comes into it.

I would have kept (and do) keep views to myself. Especially right now. I don’t agree with apologising for the views I hold but I would apologise for starting the conversation and that in doing so upset has been caused.

What did you expect to happen? You started a rant at her, what was the point. Just causing upset all round, and to someone you love. Pointless.

Well thanks ' sisters' for your support :(

If you can't say anything nice - go on social media as they say. ;)

Hugs OP I do this all if the time with my parents.I hate it when people can't critically think and it's even worse when you love them. I used to feel like I had to challenge everyone but now I let it go with colleagues. I wont change their mind. With parents don't feel bad.Is your Mother feeling bad? If not then don't either. You are right and she is wrong. Just let it blow over. Agree to disagree.

First rule is don’t discuss politics with anyone!
Just say you apologise for getting angry, you realise you have very different views and it’s probably best not to discuss them

Through thick and thin - no disrespect but wasn't what you just said to me also a tad pointless and upsetting? Or was that the point?

Peter your Mum is entitled to her view and you also are entitled to yours. Similar to the Brexit vote this likely splits generations. Pensioners are not going to loose jobs, businesses or correspondingly being worked to the bone as a keyworker. Have you shared with her how your life has changed since Covid, does she have any idea? Maybe talking to her about this might help to broaden her narrow views and even allow her to feel some compassion for your situation? It's really hard when it's your mum though. Have you got a sibling you can debrief your frustration to?

Thankyou for slightly more balanced messages - glad it's not just me.will avoid in future/ agree to disagree. X

Just say sorry to your parents and go back to your previous policy of not discussing politics with them

It's honestly not worth the fall out as you've discovered

Why would you rant at your mum? She's entirely entitled to her own opinions. You don't have to try and change her viewpoint. What are you , a disciple?

@Peterbear don’t worry, I have the same problem. As far as my Mum goes, if it’s in the Mail it’s gospel. On top of that, she thinks Trump is fabulous. There is very little we can reasonably talk about anymore.

Oh it's annoying but I no longer talk politics with my mum.

I love her but not her political views. It's been said when we were both younger, she's now in her eighties and I just try and find common ground.

Ardent brexiteers and blindly loyal Tories tend not to like talking about how they've fucked us all over. Funny that.

I wouldn't apologise unless she does. If it comes up again, say that you disagree and are happy to talk about why. If it doesn't come up again, then leave it. Some people are in massive denial about Boris's cronyism, his lying and his incompetence - even though these were all evident before he came PM.

DH's parents are like this. It's an English working class thing, not particularly allied to left or right, but they were also teenagers at the beginning of the 1960s and the whole counter cultural thing passed them by.

My mum is Scottish and pretty lefty, and my dad is a former anarcho-syndicalist who studied history/politics at uni in the sixties. They are only a couple of years younger than PILs but a whole different generation.

DH is scared of his parents whereas I have a much more equal relationship with mine.

Anarcho-syndicalist, ah that's a blast from the past!

@Peterbear personally i disagree with some of your comments about the government and their handling of things. However, I fully respect your right to have them and to discuss in a civilised manner.

I think you owe your mum an apology for the way you went about airing your views. You know already that ranting at her and allowing it to become a row was wrong and a little bit childish. You don't however owe her an apology for holding a differing view.

Leave her alone. Honestly, why would you think anyone would benefit from your political ranting. I was a bit like this in my student days, it must have been wearing for my parents.

I fundamentally disagree with most of my DPs political beliefs - pro Brexit, Boris and even worse Trump. DF also makes racist remarks.
But they love me and are in their 80s.

I've learned to do something called bean dipping, so if they start discussing a topic I don't want to I just reply with something completely non related. Do the same if they try again.

I had to bite my tongue when DM said that we would have done the same as Dominic Cummings if we needed childcare. Oh righto we'd have broken a national lockdown and travelled round the country with coronavirus then would we - great she thinks so much of us. Had to bite my tongue on that one as first time I saw her since the first lockdown.

I guess it's slightly easier for me in that mine are in their 80s so every time I see them I worry that it might be the last time and I don't want to argue over something where neither of us will change our minds.

Gawd I hope the next gov is Labour - just to get the lefties to stop ranting if nothing else.

OP - I think you were well within your rights to express your views.

The Tories rely on a load on oldies following them without question.

And yes, your life has probably become a lot harder than hers. It's selfish of her not to see that...

It's also not exactly political ranting - it's not party politics, it's just being angry about this whole shitshow.
As long as you were polite, feel free to express your views...

I honestly could have written your post OP but about my in laws.

We've had some really difficult interactions recently so now I just say "let's not talk about politics" like a broken record and change the subject.

@chocolatepowder

Why would you rant at your mum? She's entirely entitled to her own opinions. You don't have to try and change her viewpoint. What are you , a disciple?

Thanks for the empathy! Ever considered re-training as a Tory Mp..?

Also - if your mum won't hear you rant and rave, who will?