Falling out over Bojo and general Tory incompetence

[Peterbear]

I've always got on so well with my mum who is late 70's despite having very different political views - which we never discuss.
Today however, I found myself having a huge rant about the Tories,boris and Brexit and venting my frustration re missed opportunities re covid ( I.e. earlier, harder lock down , properly funded NHS etc etc).
My mum defended the gvmt every step (her life hasn't really changed much - ardent daily mail reader) - my life has changed massively and in my view unnecessarily partly due to government incompetence.
We had an awful and uncomfortable conversation/row and I wish I'd kept my views to myself (which I normally do to avoid arguments)I'm just so bloody angry though.
Feel sad and awful now but don't feel sorry for my long held views. Should I apologise? Do others have similar fall outs? How do you reconcile such huge differences? Am really upset about this.

I had the same with my mum the other night after the school closure debacle. I was annoyed that Boris could say schools stay open on Sunday and then close them on Monday, that didn’t go well. She’s very supportive of poor boris and obviously if I have better ideas I should write to him and volunteer to do his job! Felt about 5 again, the disapproval flowing down the telephone line was palpable. You have my sympathies OP

Total sympathy- and it is wearing on 2 counts - firstly, my parents talk to me as if I’m an incompetent and deliberately ignorant child - secondly I am sad at their lack of critical thinking, and their continuing support for a party that only has the same name as that they voted for 20, 30, 40 years ago, not the same principles or policies, though I do understand that’s my view too. I don’t care to say anything controversial any more, as they’re ill and elderly, but it can be difficult- a small comment I thought boris should have shut down earlier in March brought a torrent of telling off and I could feel I was a disappointment to them! I have just spent 3 weeks living with them to do care and just bit my tongue when my mum’s telling NHS staff how right the gov’t got it -and when watching twattie mattie - they’re too old to do anything else now. Conversely I know they comment on things they consider might show me the error in my thinking quite slyly and I have a feeling they would like to tell me off but know it’s not right to get into such arguments.
No real advice - I roll my eyes to myself, go ‘mmm’ and then rant at everyone else after to save it spilling out to them.

secondly I am sad at their lack of critical thinking They may be feeling the same. Just because elderly parents have different views to their offspring doesn't mean the offspring are necessarily right.

My DPs do that @MsJinks try and drop wee nuggets into the conversation to show how marvellous Brexit is or why Donald Trump is not the devil incarnate. I get secret malicious enjoyment from just letting the crumbs land on the floor - usually with a few seconds silence so they know I've registered it and am not entertaining any discussion of the point.

It's a shame as I've recognised that I won't change their minds and avoid many discussion subjects, so it would be nice if they'd offer me the same courtesy.

I don't agree that as people age they should be patronised, not disagreed with, patted on the head and smiled at rather than debated with. My parents and I have always had passionate debates and discussions which sometimes become arguments, I won't stop doing that just because they're getting older. If one of them wanted to praise Johnson and the government I'd express my disagreement strongly. But they wouldn't expect any less. I think they'd feel more insulted by me taking some "oh poor OLD parents I can't possibly upset them by doing anything other than smiling and nodding at their views" approach than any expression of disagreement.

I appreciate that I may sound ‘patronising’ and very much hope my parents never notice anything from my non committal answers - we have never had a relationship where debate can rage, but have had mild debates re political policies in the past - my parents definitely see me as awkward and ill educated when I disagreed though. In the last year they have needed more support and after I got a proper dressing down early April I decided to not comment further - I don’t want to fall out and they need my help - I feel they don’t venture as much into political conversations for the same reasons. When I say I think their critical thinking has reduced - it’s less that my view is right - more that instead of giving some explanation why something is ‘right’ - it just is - they said it that’s enough and instead of responding to questions they would just flap them away.
I found their views difficult at first when I started seeing them twice a week instead of once a year, and some are frankly outdated - I would come home enraged and with half a tongue 🤦🏻‍♀️ but it’s got easier over the months to take this approach and makes for an better relationship - I generally think I should be open on my views and speak out on my principles- but have to break my own rules with my parents.

Your mum is an adult not a child, no need to infantilise her by always agreeing with her views. It’s your choice if you lack the energy normally to challenge them but you are as entitled to a say as she is! Maybe you went in a bit strong this time but it’s healthy and normal to hear other opinions.

something called bean dipping

@rookiemere I could do with reminding to not get involved with pointless arguments. Any way to avoid them much appreciated, so thank you very kindly for the idea of 'bean dipping'.

I'm guessing, though, that I am the only one who looked up the expression 'bean dipping' in the online urban dictionary

@FinallyHere

something called bean dipping

@rookiemere I could do with reminding to not get involved with pointless arguments. Any way to avoid them much appreciated, so thank you very kindly for the idea of 'bean dipping'.

I'm guessing, though, that I am the only one who looked up the expression 'bean dipping' in the online urban dictionary

So did I

I wish I hadn't and I have no idea what it has to do with this thread!

Oh dear - I heard the expression from a long dead etiquette site - Nothing to do with what I’ve just looked up, it literally meant “Oh that’s interesting that you think Priti Patel is much maligned. Oh that bean dip looks yummy”

@rookiemere I'm not sure that makes it any clearer!

One thing I am sure of, in this context it doesn't have the litera; meaning that Acorn saw in the urban dictionary