HELP - Am I right to defer my childs entry to school? Have 2 DAYS TO DECIDE!!!

[MoosieGirl]

I know this subject has been posted to death (I myself have started a thread) but I have to make this decision as the deadline is Monday 12th Jan.

My son will be 4 on August 4th and is bright and confident (with no SN) but I feel that he is just too young to start school.

DP and I have taken advice from his pre school teacher who agrees totally that another year at pre school would be a huge advantage to him (and other Aug born kids). But she also said that if he had to go in Sept 09 (as opposed to Sept 2010) he would be fine in her opinion.

I think we have almost made the decision to defer him until 2010 so he would be starting school at 5.1.

But are we doing the right thing "messing" with his education? Most people we have spoken to have never heard of deferring and are quite scathing of it and its really knocking my confidence in doing something that I believe will help my son get on in life.

What are peoples opinions on deferring just for the sake of being summer born?

He will be allowed to go into Reception in 2010 (not Y1) and wont have to skip a year further down the line as long as we dont leave the LEA area (Bradford).

Can anyone see any drawbacks to deferring him? Has anybody done it?

The application form has to be in on Friday

Please help!

My son is an August birthday. We didn't defer as he had strong friendships already and would have been devestated to be left behind. He's a very bright boy so is coping with the work, but I can definitely see the appeal of deferring. Emotionally, he would have been much happier with another year of play, and would have been much readier to cope with long spells of sitting still etc.

Also in terms of sports I know if he wants to play for a team ie football they go on age not year group so he will always play in the year above's team.

Can anyone see him being disadvantaged as he gets older being in the year "below"?

Hes Y1 now, by the way, but I would have felt the same 12 months ago, re reception.

I have an August born child, he started school today aged 4 and 5 months.

If he can definitely go into Reception and not miss a year then I would defer, I would have done the same if we were given the opportunity. I have always been told that unless you live in Scotland the child will have to move straight into year 1 which in my opinion would be too big a leap for the child. How come they have agreed that he can effectively be schooled a year behind his peer group?

if they are going to let him start in reception rather than year 1 then i dont think its a bad idea. He will be the oldest in his school year, but only by a couple of weeks. i do think just 4 is too young to start school.

I sooo wanted to defer my summer born, but dp wasn't keen, and i was worried about him losing friends and how hw would feel when he was old enough to understand that he was a 'year behind'.

So we sent him and he has coped beautifully and come on so fast I can hardly believe it, he is one of the youngest and brightest in the class, he still seems very emotionally imature to me, but his teachers insist that it is something that they are used to dealing with and take into account.

I am not saying that this is the same with you, but in his case I think it was me that was not readly rather then him.

hth.

I think you should go with the preschool teachers opinion - if she thinks he is ready this year then he will be.

My DS is the oldest in his year (September born) but he was ready to start school way before that and ended up just marking time at nursery. I also don't really think he has gained by being the oldest in his year. The expectations on him are greater from his teacher. She seems to make no concessions for him whereas she does for the children who are summer born.

September is a long way off in terms of development when you are 3 or 4 so it is difficult to say what he would be like. I also have a July baby (20th) and my birthday is August 4th so I do understand the issues. I was worried for DS1 too but he fitted into school easily.

Thank you Notquite.

Thats one thing that does concern me, he has a really good friendship with a boy in his preschool who is going to school. But his teacher says that they change friends so often at this age that we should not focus too much on that. He is at the moment in a mixed group at preschool ie half his class are going on to school and the other half are staying on for another year, so I feel a little better about him being left behind as he will already be friends with some of the children.

I think that the emotional side is the bit i am most concerned with and why we are holding him back. He is very bright but dont think we will cope very well with Y1 sitting etc and the shock of having to do proper work at 5.1 (im not too concerned about him coping in Reception as i know its an extension of pre school).

Are a lot of other children deferring? Is he going to end up being older than the other children in playgroup next year?

I think there would be no problem with him deferring if he was able to stay behind a year group all the way through.

Will he be able to enter secondary a year behind and how will he take to having to stay at school a year beyond official leaving age.

I personally would not defer as I have seen so many summer born children do fine.

My dd is October born and her last year before school was awful as she was so ready for something more.

I think you are best to defer. He has the rest of his life to 'catch up'. Go with your gut, you know your son best.

I think deferring him will have both positives and negatives. but ultimately think you shouldn't defer him. more so because he may not thank you for it when he's older and a year behind if you get my drift. plus if the teacher says he's ready then she's the professional in the industry.
is this your pfb?

My ds's birthday is in April - 4 months older than your ds, so I am lucky in that I don't have this problem - he is slightly younger than average, but a number of younger children in his class. He started last September at school - nursery, but school days, and a lot more structured learning than he had been doing at nursery.

I am SO glad he started this year and didn't wait until next. Initially we had a few problems at school as he had become acustomed to 'circle time' being 'boring' and clearly the nursery nurses were unable to keep him interested (or under control) and he thought that he could continue this behaviour when he went to school. Another year of this becoming ingrained would have made it very difficult for him to settle down at school, but (cross fingers, touch wood) we seem to have largely sorted it out and he really enjoys school.

Ds also really benefited from having two good friends go with him from nursery into his new school - it gave some continuity from where he had been.

However, you know your child best. If you feel that he would be better defering for a year, that is what you should do. Of course, you will also have to be certain that you will not want or have to move authority areas at any stage as this would result in significant issues about which year he should attend.

In Bradford LEA it is their policy to allow summer borns to defer and then go into Reception - although this may change following the findings of the Rose report which came out mid December. So we didnt have to challenge or make a special case for him.

I agree that 4 is simply too young to start school - but am i focusing on my personal opinion too much and ignoring the fact that its life and kids start at 4 in this country and just get on with it. Or because i have the oportunity should i deviate from the norm to try give my son an advantage many other parents in my position wished they had?

WheretheWild - what year is your son in now? Glad to hear that he is doing so well. I can see where you are coming from with it was you who was not ready - ive been wrestling with that one for a while and have to admit there is some truth in it. But when you look at the statistics for the average summer born there is some basis for concern.

Neicie - the preschool teacher thinks we SHOULD defer him - even though she thinks that if we had to send him for whatever reason he would be ok. It is her advice that has almost sealed the deal on deferring him for us (she is a former primary school teacher)

There is one other child in DS's class whose parents are considering deferring, although they both work full time and so child care will be an issue for them (i have 1 year old DD so will be at home next year). He will be the oldest in the preschool if he stays on another year by 4 weeks.

Thanks Astrophe - wish sometimes i was a stronger person who could go with my gut instincts in all aspects of my life!!

Send him to school. Reception is very much about play and learning the structure and rules of school.

It will be so much harder for him going straight to year 1.

If you keep him in playschool I assume he will then be left with lots of young ones which isn't really going to help his development along.

Defer. You are in a very fortunate position. I can't see any negatives in holding him back, by defering you will be giving him a head start that will benefit the rest of his education.

Yes Blondie he is my pfb! I thinks thats what makes it harder as i have no experience of what to expect from school life.

Mistlethrush - The moving house aspect does worry me a lot. But i keep telling myself that noone can plan totally for the future, I dont know what will be thrown our way and so have to make the decision based on what i know now. - Very precarious i know!

Ruby - do you know of any bad experiences people have had regarding this - your post was very definate.

Too tired - DS will go into reception even if we defer him NOT Y1. I agree totally that going straight into Y1 would be awful for a child and if this was the case we wouldnt even consider deferring him.

sorry have to nip out to pick up from pre school! will be back..

If it helps, ds is pfb (actually, only) too - he is really happy at school, he cried at the beginning of the holidays when we said that he wouldn't be going to school until the new year, and he couldn't wait to get back.

If he hadn't been at school this year, I would have ended up teaching him to read myself - as he was starting I've not tried to, and he is doing really well with the phonics from school - and is now reading short words really well himself.

In the current climate, I would be worrying about the moving issue - who can tell. I'm hoping that now we've got ds into this school we won't have to worry further - but its so difficult to predict the future isn't it.

Moosegirl - I don't really understand why the pre-school teacher thinks he should defer if she also thinks he will be ready. That doesn't seem to to me to make sense.

I really don't think you should defer because, as I say, I have one who is the oldest in the year and one who is one of the youngest and the the one who was one of the youngest (and the more emotionally immature) is the one who actually fitted into school best and has got the most from it. The one who is older in his year was ready to move on way before he got to school and was bored at nursery in the end, and being that little bit older has more established friendships at nursery which he has now had to give up because the children haven't all gone to the same school. And as I say he has no allowances made for him. We were told 6 weeks in he should be making more progress with his reading. The summer borns don't have that pressure despite being not as advanced with their reading as my DS.

I was like you when considering DS1 going to school at the tender age of 4 and 6 weeks, espcially as he has minor SN but with hindsight it was absolutely the right thing to do as he came on so much.

But I won't go on. Of course you absolutely have to do what is right for your DS but only you can decide that. Good luck with your decision.

moosie, i don't think you should defer. there are social skills needed to be learnt at his age and can only be done so by going to school.

i was the youngest in my year and it never did me any harm going to school at 4. if kids are to young at that age the country would have worked it out by now and changed it.

i don't understand what advantage he will get deferring that will outweigh the positives to start school now.

he'll be fine.

Unless he's unusually large for his age I would defer, and in fact did with dd.

what social skills do you learn at school and not nursery blondie? I think the social side is one of the key issues here, but take the opposite view. It's so much easier socialy to be the oldest in a group than the youngest imo. The oldest is more likely to appreciate why you act in certain ways and want to conform rather than having it imposed on them by peer pressure. Even at teenager levels: better far to have hormonal desire to seek out a girlfriend than do it merely to fit in with the crowd.

Hi, you obviously know you son best! I worried about this a lot with my eldest daughter (Aug 25th Birthday) but here if I had deferred she would have gone straight into yr1 which was a no go as far as I was concerned, if she had been able to go into Reception I would have deferred and I think I would still think that was the right decision.

Anyway we didn't defer and she is is now 7 and has always loved school. Its a great local school with lovely teachers and I have always felt able to talk to them if I had a worry. It does have some mixed classes and she loved having the chance to be the older one last year. Her best friend at Nursery has a early Sept Birthday and he really struggled with being at Nursery another year with lots of younger ones.

DD2 is 4 and started half days in Sept and started full days on Monday. She also loves it and they do so much play anyway in Reception. I never worried as much with her as having an older sister has pulled her along quicker anyway.

Good luck! Its a hard decision but I'm sure that the support that you give either way will make it fine anyway!