HELP - Am I right to defer my childs entry to school? Have 2 DAYS TO DECIDE!!!

[MoosieGirl]

I know this subject has been posted to death (I myself have started a thread) but I have to make this decision as the deadline is Monday 12th Jan.

My son will be 4 on August 4th and is bright and confident (with no SN) but I feel that he is just too young to start school.

DP and I have taken advice from his pre school teacher who agrees totally that another year at pre school would be a huge advantage to him (and other Aug born kids). But she also said that if he had to go in Sept 09 (as opposed to Sept 2010) he would be fine in her opinion.

I think we have almost made the decision to defer him until 2010 so he would be starting school at 5.1.

But are we doing the right thing "messing" with his education? Most people we have spoken to have never heard of deferring and are quite scathing of it and its really knocking my confidence in doing something that I believe will help my son get on in life.

What are peoples opinions on deferring just for the sake of being summer born?

He will be allowed to go into Reception in 2010 (not Y1) and wont have to skip a year further down the line as long as we dont leave the LEA area (Bradford).

Can anyone see any drawbacks to deferring him? Has anybody done it?

The application form has to be in on Friday

Please help!

Snorkle - am glad you made the right decision for your dd. The decision is agonising and the drawbacks you listed are those i already worry about, but from what you say it is worth it.

Zanzibar - the Rose report was disappointing, i was hoping that deferring would become more commonplace and so my ds (if we defer) would not stand out as being different so much.

Ceebeejay - so did you "home ed" dd until age 6 and did she go into her "correct" year group? I think its about having the courage to do what you think is best for your child and stuff what others think - its just that i dont find that easy in practice!

Summer - is your dd in private school? I know even in my LEA they are even less flexible with children wanting to move up a year. I know 2 girls in ds's preschool who are early Sept born, whose parents asked if they could start school in Sept 09 but have not been allowed by LEA and have to wait til 2010.

Hi Lingle

I didnt realise you could apply for 2009, turn it down then reapply for 2010 - someone in Bradford LEA told me that to defer til 2010 I couldnt apply this year! I have since seeing your post contacted them again and got the right information! THANK YOU!!!!!

So i think i will do that, as at least i will get another 4 months to decide - a lot can change in that time cant it?

I would love to email your friend re this, the more people you know doing it gives you more confidence to do it yourself. Let me know how you can pass it on to me, thanks.

The bullying situation can work both ways then....

Yes we are in the northern part of the LEA near the Dales in "village in valley" IYKWIM!

Ah, my friend is in "village in valley" too.....surprise surprise.....it's all us "Valley" mums who are clued up enough to consider the deferment option isn't it? Her daughter is at the Catholic school upstream. If you email me either an email address or a name to [email protected] I will pass it on and I'm sure she'd be delighted to have a chat.

I'd trust her with my life so she's probably the safest person to cross the mumsnet/RL divide with IYSWIM LOL but do bear in mind that she doesn't know my mumsnet ID.

Apologies if someone has already pointed this out, but what if you move out of Bradford in the future? You may then be forced to move him up a year at a point that could be more damaging (see Ernest's posts re moving back to UK)

By the way "The Catholic School" and my school - which is the one next door to the Catholic School - are both very supportive of me and my friend, though I'm the first person with a child without pretty serious special needs to take the plunge at my school.

there's someone else in village in valley who did it a few years ago... might be able to track her down...friend of friend of friend that I met at a party ... that sort of thing.

Haven't read the whole thread (I will!) but understand how you feel. My DS is now 7 and in Year 3. Birthday 5th August.

I too thought about deferring but was advised that if we ever moved (we are in Hungary) he would go into age appropriate year and also his friends were going up into Reception.

He was fine. Totally uninterested in any reading/writing etc. Struggled in the playground a little. But settled in well and did start reading etc.

In year 1 - also fine. Towards bottom of class I would say but happy.

In year 2 it started to be a bid harder. His handwriting was dreadful - partly because he was not holding pencil correctly. He began to struggle with maths. He realised he was not on same reading level as his friends.

I panicked a bit and wondered about holding him back and had a meeting with the head of KS1 who had been his Y1 teacher. She understood totally but recommended leaving him where he is. But suggested that we consider keeping him down as and when we move back to UK (we had already planned on doing so and are lucky enough to be putting him in a private school and they are fine with it).

A friend's DS is Sept 1 and is in Yr 2. He is doing great. Is at the same reading stage as my DS. Handwriting about the same. No problems with maths etc.

You are very lucky to be in Bradford LEA so I would defer if I were you.

I suspect the preschool teacher feels that although your DS would cope and be fine if he started at 4, it would be better if he went at 5. And he would cope.

For me it is also about maturity at secondary level. I am a May birthday and started school at 4. Could have started at 5 but started at 4. Was youngest in year and I know now was not mature enough to make decisions in secondary level about subjects etc.

There is lots of research on how summer born boys do in later life and some of it is not great. Less summer born boys go to university for example.

I know my DS would be more comfortable in Year 2 now. His confidence is being knocked and he is having to work harder to keep up. And some of the ones he is keeping up with are almost a full year older.

I don't think there are many disadvantages to being the oldest in the year but there are certainly disadvantages in being the youngest. Particularly for a boy.

Dd stared school in sept, days after her 4th birthday.

There are children who are ahead of her - socially and accademically. There are also children who are behind her.

The teacher is very understanding of her age (and I talked to her about dd before she started).

If school is too much for dd in any week, the teacher tells me and I can take her out for an afternoon.

I think it depends on the child, the school and which class they will go in to next year.

Just on the moving out of the area issue: I know of two children from dc's school who have been in the lower year and then skipped a year, due to moving to the state sector in one case or to a different independent school in another area in the other. One child skipped year 6, the other skipped year 4. From what I've heard both have done just fine.

Once you are past the initial few infants years at school, the difference in levels between consecutive years isn't that huge, so, while not ideal, skipping a year isn't an insurmountable problem for a reasonably able and well suported child.

Sorry for not replying sooner guys - had v busy weekend with DP's birthday n stuff....

Anyway,

Buda - thanks for your post - its great to hear from someone in my position but a little further down the school years. Its interesting you say that DS settled well but is struggling with later years. I have heard this from other parents too and am rather worried about it. Its good for you that you can rectify this a bit with your DS when you come back to the UK. But for our situation private school is financially out of the question, so its a case of now or never for us! I'd not really thought about maturity levels for decision making in secondary school but for these summer born kids the lack of maturity continues on throughout school rather than just during the early years.

when I was at school there were a couple of kids in the "wrong" year - either higher or low er - I don't recall this ever being an issue or any bullying for that reason.

Lingle - thanks i will send through. I wish the schools in this village were a bit more like your schools upstream. Having had a meeting with the reception teacher and spoken to the head, they are both very intune with the problem of how the youngest children suffer and are very aware to treat them with extra care but neither would accept that the problem goes beyond Reception and Y1! Having told them that we can defer, they both insist we should send DS anyway because they are well equipped to deal with the young ones...and just bang on about how great reception is again. Interestingly enough during my chat with the teacher she said one of her children was born very early september as she would not allow the midwives to induce her labour until after midnight on the 1st September!!!! Thanks for your help on this one!

Anyway i have followed what your friend did and have applied for Sept 09 (after getting written conf. by email from Bradford LEA that we can reject the place and reapply for 2010 if we wish) and will see how we go over the next few months.

I would defer-definitely.

My friends ds is a week older than my ds.August 30th birthday, thus in the yr above He has really struggled at school and would have benefited hugely by deferring.
You are lucky to have the option in Bradford.

Thanks TC - thats what my head is saying but i just cant help worrying about it - i suppose that children can be bullied for many reasons...

Although a few posters think DS will be totally crucified because of it!

We are lucky to have the choice, thanks for posting about your friend ggirl. It makes the decision easier to hear stories like these.... Poor kid though, its such a shame he is stuggling when your DS is probably very comfortable in his year group - which is really where your friends DS should be too (with his academic peers).

Exactly moosiegirl-his self esteem would be greater if he wasn't the youngest and the most behind..he is actually one of the biggest though

Not what you want to hear, but I was bullied - when I was in the correct year for my age, with an October birthday.

At one stage I was a year ahead - and can never remember this being a problem - in fact I often sat at the back of the class in maths lessons doing long-division sums whilst the remainder of the class did more straight-forward division

Thats what i mean mistle - children get bullied for all sorts of possible "reasons" and could be bullied whatever year they are in.

I think that I was probably bullied less when I was in the year ahead...

If he can go into reception and not have to go straight into year one,then I would defer. If he has to start in year one if you defer them I would let him go. Reception is very much like an extension of nusery these days. It is slightly more structured but still play based.

Interesting to hear about your school's attitude MoosieGirl. My headmistress was also perplexed when I first raised the issue a year or so ago - I was the first non special needs parent ever to raise it and she hadn't known about the right! She was sympathetic - told me she'd deferred her own daughter until the April of reception year.

Maybe they need a copy of the Institute of Financial Studies' report popped through the letterbox if they think the issue goes away after year 1. Ironically, though, they may have a point, since it is probably the children of determined and aware parents like us who have a really good chance of catching up (but mine has very delayed speech which far outweighs that issue).
There is also, I think, a funding issue though school funding is a bit over my head.....

I think the way to carry it off is not to play on the other side's pitch. No-one in scotland uses language like "wrong year" and nor should we. We have a choice.

I think there's a history behind this - people being forced to repeat years because they hadn't reached a certain standard. And maybe those people were more likely to be bullied. It will, I hope, be different for a little boy who has his birthday party on 2nd Sept. each year and who won't even figure out he could have gone sooner for many years.....

Have just spoken with someone about writing to Ed Balls about the Rose report by the way which has given me renewed hope and vigour.

Where we live the LEA policy is to not even offer Reception to children born after 1st May. They all have to start school straight into year 1. Seems mad to me and this automatically disadvantages the youngest in the year.

That seems increadibly harsh on the children who need the most help!! Poor things going into starting school,thrown in at the deep end when all friendships have already been made and the older kids having a not only a years life experience but also a years education over them!

I had a similar response in that the reception teacher told me that I was wrong and that if we did defer DS would definately go into Y1. Even when I showed her the email from Bradford she was very sceptical.

I think I should view it more like you - yes it IS a choice, they are not being held back, we are choosing to send them when they are 5 not 4 simple as.
I found out today that another child in DS's pre school is deferring until 2010, this is good news for my DS (and this other child) as they will not be the "only one" and will seem more like the norm.

i deferred 2 of mine. never regretted a thing.

Last post was for Lingle...