How can I help my Year 10 daughter engage with homework / revision

[Divebar2021]

Gosh I don’t even know how to describe this. My DD14 is at a pretty academic girls school - it’s non selective but punches above its weight as far as exam success goes. MyDD was always middle of the bunch at primary school and although settled well at this school has never really shone academically. Her teachers all seem to like her but her results are average to below average. She had a phase of school refusal and anxieties about school which they were responsive to and she sees someone from the pastoral team once a week to discuss her issues. ( things have been much better )
At the moment we are having battles to get her to do homework. She would rather lie around on her phone so as we are now in year 10 I have become more directive. She has a composition to write for English and I’m at a loss to know how to move her forward from her “stuck” position of “ i don’t know what to write”. She was supposed to have done a plan and she has a broad idea of a story but no actually clue what happens. I told her to get on and she spent 40 minutes doing hair and make up. Gave her a bit of a talking to and left her to it for a hour or so and when I came back she’d done nothing. She doesn’t know what to write. I then sat with her for 20 minutes to brainstorm some ideas and did a kind of mind map of prompts but she wasn’t taking it seriously so I left her to it. I find it upsetting that she sees my attempts to help as a joke. After this she sat at her desk for 2 hours and produced 2 sentences. The mind map was in front of her… she knows how to string a sentence together and she’s very eloquent. I’ve told her the sentences can be rubbish but just write something and it can be edited. She goes into a spiral and becomes very passive. Both DH and I have frustration that she won’t be proactive and ask for help but will sit there. What the hell do I do? She’s not stupid but she’s failing English and maths. I’m definitely not a helicopter parent but I feel if I do not step up she is going to bomb her GCSEs. ( she had a tutor for maths last year and still failed. ) Am I missing something.

Can she not ask ChatGPT for ideas if she's completely stuck and then just rephrase those?

I have no advice, sadly, but I’d love to hear what people have done to get their DC focused on homework when they’re resistant.

The answer to a student or child being stuck for ideas, isn't to outsource the process to AI - all that will do in the long-run is make them worse at getting over this "stuck" phase.

Hmmm. My daughter is similar. I am here hoping for the solution. I am wary of making it worse by pushing.

AI is used everywhere and by the vast majority of people. It would make life easier for her to get some ideas from AI, which she should rephrase of course. What a waste of time to battle and argue with her for hours over something that she could have done with the help of AI. Even many English teachers tell kids to engage AI for help. Just don't copy and paste it word for word.

When you say 'failing' do you mean GCSE grade 3 or below, or just 'failing' for the school standard?

Re English. For the Eng Lang creative writing some students have a pre prepared scenario / paragraphs that they then adapt. Might be worth looking into that.

Then maybe 'start in the middle'. Do a zoom in on one detail with loads of figurative writing that covers all 5 senses. May be a good way to get going?

Is the maths too hard? Has she lost confidence?

How will this help her?

This kind of 'advice' is going to see a lot of young people in trouble in the future as they haven't ever worked on skills.

The people who will thrive most in our near future will be the people who have exercised and expanded their own capacities.

How is she going to pass Eng Lang GCSE if she does this?

How about she tells a story into a voice memo or videos herself telling the story. Then it’s just a matter of transcribing it. My DD with dyslexia was permitted to do a series of short videos describing how she did her EPQ in sixth form instead of a binder of essays.

She won’t pass if nothing changes either and she spends hours writing two sentences!

AI isn’t an ideal solution but it may get her moving and doing something which is better than nothing.

She’s struggling in maths and English and heading to fail both. “Something” needs to change to get her motivated and increase confidence.

A story half done by AI and half by herself is better than nothing, will give her some confidence and something to hand in, perhaps be proud of, and may just break the cycle of her not having any imagination.

Not everyone has the imagination for creative writing and many need “props” to be able to do it.

I guess by failing I mean her assessment percentages at the end of last year were low…. In the 30 percents for both maths and English. She can be in the 70’s for some subjects so I don’t feel like it’s a general cognitive issue.

i can’t work out if all the avoidance is masking something else. She has some clever friends who do very well and she has created a narrative where she’s stupid. She’s not stupid but she can be incredibly distracted & disorganised and will put off doing work if I don’t mention it. I talked through lots of ideas for this essay giving her prompts ( “ tell me what the house looks like “ “ what can you see” etc)and she could tell me but she still couldn’t create the next sentence and after 2 hours when I’m royally pissed off she just switches off and can’t explain why it’s so hard.

To The OP.

Honestly, I'm sorry if this sounds a bit harsh - but I think you have missed the phase in which you and your husband could have had a big impact on this. By year 10 you are well past the point in their life where most students either develop an enjoyment/motivation for studying or not, and patterns/habits towards school are pretty ingrained by this point.

That being said, I'm not saying all is doomed and she will be a terrible student forever - just that in my experience, it just tends to take something new at this age to inspire change. Your parents reminding you isn't that. A change of environment, a new influence/teaching/voice, etc. Something that can spark a motivation in her. It probably won't be you or your husband, so don't try to give yourself that pressure - instead keep looking for groups, experiences, tutors, teachers, etc. something external that can try to spark a motivation for educational success in her. Or at least a motivation to not fail.

incredibly distracted & disorganised and will put off doing work
ADHD?

That motivation could well be AI!

You know what if she had logged herself onto to ChatGPT and done this I would not have been delighted but it would have demonstrated some kind of oomph in solving the problem. If she had come downstairs after an hour and said can you help me because I’m struggling I would have sat with her and suggested sentences for her to re-write. It’s the passivity that drives me nuts. Sitting at the desk doodling on herself and letting me come up and then saying “ I’m stuck I can’t do this “.

Interested in what phase you mean here @lxn889121?

My DD1 has dyspraxia and associated executive functioning issues. She also really struggled with getting going to random prompts. (Luckily for her she did her GCSEs just before reform as she had controlled assessments to fall back on.)

Can she dictate to you and you write it down? For DD1 she struggled to both think and write simultaneously. We found for DD1 that typing used less cognitive load so when she switched to that things got easier. (Though typing for DD2 was hopeless).

Could you afford a private ed psych assessment? Or maybe simpler an experienced English tutor?

I doubt she wants to sit there for 2 hours for a 30minute essay, so I really think this is can't not won't.

The picture prompts are probably easier than the single sentences as at least there is something there to get her going.

I found I couldn't help for English or Maths at this stage (or anything much after Y6 for Maths tbh). I got an A in English at school, am a lawyer and write as a hobby, but still didn't really understand what the requirements were and my help really wasn't much help at all. We got DD2 a tutor for Maths and English and she managed to pass them.

This should be about her, not you. You need to do whatever it takes to get her motivated. So far what you have done hadn’t worked so you need to stop nagging and stressing and give her some different advice, different ideas, different solutions.

Well I’m not entirely sure what that could be. She’s had a maths tutor and a French tutor and she says they don’t help her. She won’t go to homework clubs run by the school and she won’t go to the library to study with friends. I’ve always tried to support her learning so when she was doing Romeo & Juliet I took her to see a performance at the Globe as an example. I’ve taken her to exhibitions at the Tate and to the British museum when she was studying the Anglo Saxons. I’ve bought the study guides and have researched revision methods to try and help her. I’m actually not sure what the next step should be.

It’s the passivity that drives me nuts. Sitting at the desk doodling on herself and letting me come up and then saying “ I’m stuck I can’t do this “.

ADHD paralysis ?

Yeah I guess it may have to be back to that. She’s very resistant to the idea and it’s demoralising to have to battle over the smallest things. I don’t want to battle.

OP any issues with

• fine or gross motor skills
• organisation
• spelling
• general problem solving (eg can't reach something - what does she do)
• sitting still
• focus in day to day life
• motivation at weekends

I guess I don’t know enough about ADHD to identify it. But definitely paralysis.