Primary school (reception) dilemma

[SolWave]

My bright but anxious son is moving from his primary school into a top private school after a difficult year one. The year was made difficult by his class and headteacher who were unable to offer support since at School his performance was excellent. I eventually organised private therapy outside of school but within school hours which I thought had been authorised, until 6 weeks into therapy (me having updated school every week) I was informed it was unauthorised and had to stop. His reception teacher had been brilliant.

My daughter is due to start in September with the same brilliant reception teacher. I have therefore no concerns about reception year. But I have lost faith entirely in the leadership team (some other parents moving their children elsewhere further up the school too). There is another local school, smaller and a weaker reception teacher, but overall has a more caring ethos.

Do I send her to the brilliant reception teacher with the worry that ks1 might be difficult (we can’t afford to move her into private until at least year 3) or send her to the more caring school with weaker reception teacher? Class sizes are 27 at bigger school; 13 at smaller school.

My daughter is more straightforward than my son (I have a younger son too to consider in due course). But she will be exhausted next term and I will need to keep her off some days. She’s a summer born so not strictly a problem in reception.

Her best friend is going to the smaller school although I don’t know her parents; I have lots of friends at the bigger school. I am leaning towards the brilliant reception teacher at the bigger school but worried about year one at that school.

Does the other school actually have a place for your DD? If they are already at PAN for Reception, all you will be able to do is add her to their waiting list.

Yes the other school definitely has a space. Village schools so less pressure on places...

But she will be exhausted next term and I will need to keep her off some days. She’s a summer born so not strictly a problem in reception
Why are you already presuming she'll be exhausted?! I have 2 children who are late summer who have had zero issues, so chances are you won't either? Seems a bad idea to be already forseeing issues before they arise?

She has struggled with three days at nursery and my firstborn needed 1-2 days off per week in his first year. Exhaustion means extreme tantrums at home and she gets constipation with stress.

However the exhaustion is less of an issue since she won’t be 5 until the summer term, so wherever she is she can take some time off. It’s more about the relationship I have with current school, and their approach to the welfare of pupils (ds was brilliant at school but fell apart at home; there was therefore no support). I am not the only parent to have such issues and several children are moving schools.

@FatCow2018 I find that comment bizarre too. I say that as the mother of prem twins who were due in October but born in August. Yes they got tired but we prioritised school. They often fell asleep in the car on the way home from school, woke for dinner and he'd by 6.30pm with no after school clubs. We didn't start swimming until halfway through year one.

The comment makes me think that you are one of those parents who keep dc off school over every little thing and skews my whole opinion of the op that school has genuine concerns re attendance.

What complex needs does ds have at home that aren't seen at school?

You eldest had 1-2 days off school for reception year? No wonder School has stopped pandering to you. School isn't pick and mix.

Are you perhaps from a country where they start school later?

I’m sorry but having one to two days off a week due to tiredness is not fair on the child or school. I can’t get past this bit - sorry.

really? you think keeping a child off school for 1-2 days a week because they are exhausted is something a school should accommodate? Are there medical needs or SEN? The school leadership is not going to be happy as you are screwing their attendance figures and whether you like it or not, that is a massive issue in the current climate.

There are always parents who find fault with schools and/or for whom a particular school is not a good fit for a child. That is not necessarily down to poor management or teaching. Movement is therefore to be expected and is not necessarily indicative of a problem.

The 'weak' reception teacher is 'weak' on who's say so? And why do you think the 'top private school' is going to have any less of an issue with poor attendance?

1-2 days off per week is a nonsense, barring medical needs. What's the point in going to an apparently top private school if the kids aren't there? They'll miss out and fall behind, and it will be down to you.

School see a different child from the one you do. Do you think they are trying to tell you that they don't think the therapy is necessary? Although if it's on the recommendation of your gp it's none of their business of course. Does it take up a lot of the school day? You sound quite anxious e.g. predicting how your dd will be after a few days at school. The relationship with the school doesn't sound too good and on that basis I would send her to the other school. Would your son benefit from being there as well? They could support each other.

Below 5 I don’t see time off as a problem if a child needs it. Above 5 no I wouldn’t do it. We are a very bright family - ds was top of his class. But this really isn’t about the time off. It isn’t about the fact that in year one when I had ds assessed and a school report produced they didn’t try to meet any of the recommendations. When I organised therapy for him, they let him attend for 5 weeks before they informed me they had not authorised any of his absences and he was below the level (90%). I tutor privately and dh and I both consider education to be of utmost importance. But if my child at home is telling more morning and evening he is sad and doesn’t want to live, if course I have to take action. GP disinterested because he was fine at school. The therapy was very much a starting point. His assessment had concluded he is gifted with mild sensory issues. All of which disappear when he is in an adequate environment (not too noisy or disruptive) and challenged academically.

ey had not authorised any of his absences and he was below the level (90%)

Taking 1 or 2 days off a week will do that.

going back to your original question
I don't know how you know the reception teacher in a school is weaker or not?

But I would go for overall school ethos/management structure/ capacity for improving over one individual teachers brilliance at any time.

The amazing teacher might leave with a terms notice, might have a sad life event and go off with stress, might get moved to a different year group as she is so amazing and they need more strength elsewhere.

THe day off a week was only in reception and several children were doing that (even those over 5). Across the uk lots of schools allow some flexibility in reception.

Also the days I kept him off school in reception were only if he had woken at 4am (he regularly did and was shattered at 7am, but after a few days of 4am wake ups I had to take some action, particularly if he had anxiety meltdowns for hours the previous evening). Dc rarely kept off for illness unless they’re really unwell - I’m definitely not one of “those” parents. I would never contemplate leave for a holiday or family event (lots of sensible well educated friends have done so, including a teacher with dc at another school whose absence was authorised by the head.) I think my mind is made up - we will go for the school will the newly qualified reception teacher. (And at the private school we will not entertain absence but hope for better relations with staff, and better teaching, so if there is a problem I hope we are not driven to the point where we have to organise private therapy.) thank you to those who have read thread in its entirety and made helpful suggestions.

He doesn't even need to be in school until 5.

@CaptainKirkssparetupee

No, but if you sign him up to school anyway after telling them you are happy with ther systems, it's a bit much to use this argument.

Just to be clear for those who commented on the absence (90% attendance). It included a day off for his assessment, and a few half days off for therapy, and probably a day off for anxiety. It didn’t not include any of the days he took off before he was 5.

@becles. Very tricky because only other option for a struggling child is to delay a summer born until year one by which point they’ve missed a vital year for making friends. Al

Naively I didn’t know the therapy would prove problematic. Had I been told immediately I would have taken that on board and rearranged if possible (actually it was the only time so would have near not going at all or finding someone else). However it was 5 weeks before I was informed it was unauthorised (confusingly they authorised the first session). I informed them every week ahead as a reminder and sent all reports etc.

Bit bizarre answers here. Part time reception is hardly a bizarre concept. They're not even at compulsory school age.

Solwave - that's isn't true any more about having to miss reception though. Look into deferred entry if it interests you- you effectively join the year below

The OP would have got rather different answers if she wasn't anticipating before the situation arises that her DD will be so exhausted she won't be attending school full time