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Original poster

Boarding School recommendations please

72 replies

KhalliWali · 08/01/2018 00:22

Hello, I am looking for a boarding school for my DS because I can't cope with him to give him a more outdoor lifestyle and more independence. He is in Year 7.

He's quite bright but average academically and definitely not public school material.

Does anybody have any recommendations? Thank you.

OP posts:
Whowhatwhy · 08/01/2018 00:24

Is there a reason why you can't cope with him?

Original poster
KhalliWali · 08/01/2018 00:35

Whowhatwhy, I've had multiple threads on him, but basically he's a handful. He's fine at school, just a 'typical boy' (their words) but a nightmare at home. I've got to the point where I really cannot take any more. I was hospitalized recently. This was the first time in my life I have ever been in hospital apart from childbirth, in fact I haven't even been to the doctors for about 20 years. I had some investigations and the conclusion was that I am suffering from acute stress. It's him. Sorry to say that, but it is. I've tried everything but he is the way he is. I have a younger DD and he makes her life a misery as well.

He's quite outdoorsy and sporty and I think he would enjoy boarding school. He is on the waiting list at his current school but they don't have a place until next year. I will probably have died of stress by then!

So I'm looking for a new school. I was thinking Bedales maybe?

OP posts:
Abra1de · 08/01/2018 00:37

Bedales is a public school, isn’t it?

NoMudNoLotus · 08/01/2018 00:47

Yep.

This is what my MIL did to my DH.

Worst thing she could ever have done for him . He needed a nurturing family unit ... he got shunned.

Communicating with people and parenting have been so hard for him as an adult because he did not have this role modelled for him.

ifonly4 · 08/01/2018 07:44

Does he know you're considering boarding school? Is he really happy about it? I know things aren't easy for you, but long term I'd really think about what's right for him. My DD chose to go boarding school for Sixth Form and it was a real shock for her. She was ready to move away from us, but the shock of things being so different not just in school but in her own time hasn't been easy. We did give her the option of going back to her old school, but she decided to continue with her new school and has made it work, but for a child who didn't want it in the first place it's not going to be easy.

What does he need in the way of independence? At boarding school it'll be on him to get to meals, have all his work ready etc, but he may find access out of school more restrictive, ie he won't probably won't be able to go out in the evenings, there may be time limits on how much time he can leave between registrations etc.

AgathaRaisonDetra · 08/01/2018 07:48

Have you tried Dotheboys Hall in Yorkshire?

Crashbangwhatausername · 08/01/2018 07:53

Where do you live? Full boarding or weekly?

Bekabeech · 08/01/2018 07:55

I think what you need is some counselling and to probably family therapy. If you can afford board ding school than you can afford that without needing to wait for the NHS.

Boarding school b cause "you can't cope with your son" is likely to make things worse.

Whizziwig · 08/01/2018 07:58

If you (and he) think boarding would work for him, then I think you should wait until there is space at his current school so it's less of a change. In the meantime you probably need to access some family therapy as pp said.

AnotherNewt · 08/01/2018 08:03

Does he actually want to board?

You need to start by talking to him about what features he wants in a school, then perhaps we can suggest ones which provide them.

Waiting until he can board at his existing school might be a better option than an ad hoc school move. Especially as it could take some weeks to investigate candidate schools thoroughly - you are realistically looking only at a one term difference (if that)

Unless he is wholeheartedly keen on boarding, phen please listen to the posters who are warning how disastrous a move this could be.

Original poster
KhalliWali · 08/01/2018 08:05

Yes, he wants to board. He hates being stuck at home with me and his sister. Also as I may have mentioned, he’s quite sporty and would enjoy a countryside upbringing I feel.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 08/01/2018 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoseAndRose · 08/01/2018 08:13

As you said in previous thread that
a) you do not live in UK, and
b) you suspect that diet is a factor in his behaviour,

I think you might be better sticking it out until he can board at his current school.

An international move, when diet is still being examined, doesn't sound likely to help - not least because of the time/expense of recce visits and possible taster sessions.

Do you want him to remain on a plant-based diet? That could also be quite a limiting factor on what schools would be suitable, as would the ability to police an exclusion diet (or is he doing that effectively for himself?)

Original poster
KhalliWali · 08/01/2018 08:34

You make some good points Rose. Unfortunately I have had a health scare since then and I am re-evaluating things.

OP posts:
SandLand · 08/01/2018 08:35

Do you live in a typical expat place? There are loads of adverts going round at the moment for us about "thinking if boarding school? Come see us and talk to schools looking for boarding pupils". Might gecworth seeing see something like that is happening need you.

LIZS · 08/01/2018 08:41

One of the Round Square group?

Original poster
KhalliWali · 08/01/2018 08:42

Good idea, LIZS. Somewhere like Gordonstoun might be good for him.

OP posts:
Caulk · 08/01/2018 08:50

Would he come back to you during the holidays or go to a guardian?

Original poster
KhalliWali · 08/01/2018 08:54

Come back to us! He’s perfectly comfortable with flying alone. I would hope that only spending holidays with us he would be all-round happier. I hope anyways.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 08/01/2018 09:15

Bedales and Gordonstoun are both public schools.

Original poster
KhalliWali · 08/01/2018 09:22

I meant HIGHLY SELECTIVE public schools. Like St Paul’s, UCS, etc. He’s not at that level academically.

OP posts:
BubblesBuddy · 08/01/2018 09:47

I too would try and get help in the meantime and wait for a place at his school in your country. Just coming home for the holidays is grim for the children that do it. At my DDs school, the exeats for the overseas pupils mostly meant a guardian picked them up. No-one came to see them play in the orchestra or seem them in the school play or playing sport. No-one saw their art or met their friends. Although my DDs boarded, I was fully involved with their life at school but you are talking abut a very old fashioned system of boarding. so try and get some help in the meantime and let him stay in your country.

Most boys/co-ed boarding schools here start from 13 for boys and not 11. So at 11 you need to look for a boarding prep.

Orchardgreen · 08/01/2018 09:56

Sedburgh School is in deep country in Cumbria and very outdoorsy. They board from an early age and lots are ex-pat.

Fairly easy access to Manchester airport.

DandelionAndBedrock · 08/01/2018 09:58

What about Repton? I know a few boys who were starting to go down the wrong track with behaviour and choices who turned it around with 6th form there. Don't know much about provision earlier on though.

RoseAndRose · 08/01/2018 10:50

He's too young for Bedales - it would have to be Dunhurst to begin with. It's mainly (entirely?) weekly boarding and it might not be much fun to be the one who doesn't go home every weekend.

There are more full boarders at Bedales, though lots are still weekly, so same issue of what weekends would be like. One expat per half term I think - where would he go for those?