Boarding School recommendations please

[KhalliWali]

Hello, I am looking for a boarding school for my DS because I can't cope with him to give him a more outdoor lifestyle and more independence. He is in Year 7.

He's quite bright but average academically and definitely not public school material.

Does anybody have any recommendations? Thank you.

There are still lots of prep schools that go up to 13.

Would agree, Gordonstoun and Sedergh. Possibly also Strathallan.

I don't think happygardening's post was rude. It was spot on. Boarding schools are not a panacea. They're still just.... schools.

This thread makes me scared to have kids

My siblings and I attended King William's College on the Isle of Man. Because it has a large international contingent, there were / are lots of pupils there over weekends and half-terms.

It's very sporty - but not punitively so. That sounds a bit weird I suppose. But, whatever. It's where our parents sent us, and we liked it well enough.

The local pupils were absolutely lovely and fantastic. As was everyone on the island.

St Christophers Letchworth - ( Vegetarian). Lovely school.

Should add, International Boarders are very well catered for at St Chris.

KhalliWhalli you may have disliked Happgardening's post but there are some great recommendations at the end from someone who knows their stuff.

Khalli when you mentioned you had previously posted about your DS I did a quick search to make sure I would n't be off the mark with any suggestions. Glancing through you seem to live a considerable distance away from the UK. Unless you are planning a move back very soon to much closer to the UK please go for a boarding school in the country / city you are in.
I am not anti-boarding and I can see why you think it might benefit your DS however IME the negatives will outweigh the positives for both of you if you send him that far away. There must be plenty of options nearish to where you live even if not at his school.

If you're a 9hour flight then you're in India or the Middle East. Why not fly the other way and go to Harrow (shanghai or Beijing, can't remember which it is).

I missed about the 9 hour flight. In that case ignore my post Khalli you have obviously already moved much closer in the last month.

"There are still lots of prep schools that go up to 13."

Yes, but that leaves the issue of where he would go at 13. Many schools want registrations no later than year 6. Yes, there's wiggle room but does OP, who says she's been unwell, really want to go through a non-standard admissions process? Because by the time she's found out how her DS does in the British system (and taken advice from the - reference-writing - prep head) it'll be end year 7 or even Year 8 and that is so late that a fair amount of special pleading may be necessary.

I was not intending to be rude, but I was intending to be blunt. If you are hoping that this will not only resolve the problems you have between your DS and yourself i.e. remove the conflict but also improve the relationship and return it to what I’m going to call a more normal mother son relationship then I genuinely don’t think this is the answer. Please look to the very long term when you DS has finished school you may permanently damage your relationship with each other beyond repair by sending him to boarding school for the next 6 years and only seeing him during the holidays. Sit back and reflect is this a chance you are prepared to take? Is this what you want for yourself and him? I appreciate that when things are very difficult we clutch at straws and look at short term solutions but you also need to consider the long term for both of your future happiness. I have seen other parents do this it has never worked out well for the parent child relationship.
There are many recommendations on here but very few are actually proper full boarding schools because they are now very much in the minority. Many are well intentioned and are recommending schools they either attended when they were boarding most of which will now not be full boarding or schools which they’ve somehow heard a bit about but actually know nothing about the day to day stuff including number of full boarders. Secondly never forget that most boarding schools and definitely most small lesser well known independent school are struggling to fill their vacancies and even struggling financially full boarding generates good money for them so they want your money and will be economical with the truth when it comes to actual number of full boarders and even activities etc offered you can write anything on a website.
There are only a handful of full boarding schools left, by full boarding I mean alll or the vast majority of the children staying in school 7 days a week. It’s not just that these schools totally function 24/7 they will have a very different feel to them than school which also offer weekly or flexi boarding with full boarding or have more day pupils than boarders. If you are only going to see you’re DS 20 weeks of the year and are basically intending to replace your home life family life with a boarding school and want him to be happy then I believe he needs to be part of the large full boarding community and all the advantages this brings. I repeat again look for one with a very strong reputation for excellent pastoral care, your HM is going to be a key figure in his life, your also need to pick your guardian with care. He is clearly an unhappy boy and these people are going to be more involved and hopefully form better relationships with him than you have (I’m not blaming anyone here just pointing out the obvious) and then inevitably hopefully have a more positive influence over him as he enters into adolescence and grows into a young adult than you are.

Have you considered/tried paying for after school help instead? A 'manny' or full time sports clubs?

I was 19 when my family moved to the Middle East and it was hard enough being hours and £££ from them at that age, never mind 11.

Happy gardening isn't rude, she's realistic and you sound like you only want to hear what suits you. My closest friends from boarding school (sent full boarding overseas from 8) have zero parental relationship and interestingly are also all divorced now. It massively affects domestic relationships, parenting ability and sense of self. I think happygardening is suggesting that ALL options should be exhausted before you take the nuclear option, and because you're "old and tired" you're heading to the end first . Where's your son's father in all this?

Have a look at Brymore Academy, Somerset. A state boarding school, very outdoorsy - might suit him possibly. Or again I would suggest Millfield, again very sporty. Kings College and Taunton School are both more academic, but very good schools. You could probably organise a programme of visits in one day. But I would sincerely recommend you consider Brymore, it's a bit different. You will have to be very careful how you handle this, though - and get your son fully on board rather than him thinking you are just trying to get him out of the way. Very tricky. However handled in the right way, it may be the best thing ever for him. as he will have the company of like-minded kids. Good luck!

At many state boarding schools actual full boarders are in a significant minority and many go home at weekends because they’re parents are localish. This child needs a proper full boarding community.
Lots of outdoor activities are a great idea but this child will need more than that if he’s going to thrive away from his him for 32+ weeks a year.

Jackie my DS2 boarded from 7 (although we were relatively close by at the time and saw him very regularly, he then went on and full boarded till 18. He is not writing this but I j I’ve ftom comments he’s made that he would tell the OP that if you come from a happy family and have an excellent relationship with your parents boarding is not damaging. We have an exceptionally close relationship much closer than mNy who’ve not boarded. He will also tell you that in his, I think we can say, fairly extensive experience if you don’t have a happy relationship with your family and don’t have an excellent relationship with your parents boarding definitely doesn’t make it better and in most cases makes it significantly worse.

My own and my dh's personal experiences and those of our friends who were with us at 7,8, 9 is entirely of the latter but that's lovely for your ds and you must have made great efforts to make that happen- something that's hard to do from 9 hours away. Our parents saw none of our matches, never saw our homework much less helped with it, didn't see our art / craft projects or had any idea what inspired them, had no idea who our dear friends were and to this day have no clue whether we like digestives or custard or not. The probably know more about their secretary.

St Edwards Oxford has already been mentioned. I know they have a high level of international boarders. They have made arrangements a lot more flexible for local boarders to leave at weekends, but still encourage them to be there most weekends on top of which you've got the international boarders who always stay. The kids are bright but it's not super selective. They are encouraged to take part in what the school has to offer and if they're into sports, music or drama there will often be things going on at the weekends which gives them chance to meet other similar minded children. They can play sports for the school and their house. Your DS would start in Year 9 but that gives you plenty of time to visit, check the school out etc.

I'm struggling with this thread and would echo what happygardening said in her very good post. I weekly boarded young and full boarded later with day schools in between. I believe boarding suits some children brilliantly, but those children tend to be happy in themselves to start with. I'd consider it for my boys but only if they want to try it and with a clear exit if they ultimately decide it's not for them. Being sent 9 hours away at that young age when you know you're considered a problem and your younger sister stays at home seems to me to be recipe for further unhappiness. If you can wait and at least let him board at his current school when there's a place, so he can try it, that would surely be the best option.