Boarding School recommendations please

[KhalliWali]

Hello, I am looking for a boarding school for my DS because I can't cope with him to give him a more outdoor lifestyle and more independence. He is in Year 7.

He's quite bright but average academically and definitely not public school material.

Does anybody have any recommendations? Thank you.

Not expat (DYAC!) - exeat

Sorry you feel at the end of your tether. I'm not struck on boarding schools for this age, on the whole, but how about Millfield in Somerset? It's very well known for its high-level sports coaching and facilities, and has a boarding prep school.

Didn’t realize that about Bedlea and weekly boarding. Thank you. That wouldn’t work as it’s a 9 hour flight home.

I will check out Repton and Millfields. Thanks.

Just to add, I know someone who sent her son to Millfield (as a day pupil) specifically for the sport, and because he wasn't particularly academic, and he really thrived there.

What proportion of the boarding community is full boarding, and what proportion is weekly boarders is something you need to check for every school you shortlist.

Do you want an 11+ school, a linked prep and 13+, or would you consider boarding prep and change school at 13+?

Also, what would happen for exeats and half-terms? Once established at a school, there's a reasonable chance of being invited to a friend's, but in the first term or two would you expect him to go to a paid guardian, or do you have family in UK? If so, roughly whereabouts? Because ease of journey from school to them might be a factor to consider too.

millfield

You will need a boarding prep if you want him to go now as senior school starts at 13 or Yr 9
The problem is lots of prep boarding schools have mostly weekly boarders and your ds maybe left with only a few others at weekends. Though most schools have full sat school and sport for all.

There are some prep schools that insist on full boarding or have mostly full boarders.

Milfield prep might suit him
The Elms in Worcestershire used to be full boarding only in yr 7-8 but may have changed a bit since my dds days
Many public schools have very full weekends so even weekly boarders are there until Sat evening

I think if some of his issues are boredom at home, too much energy, needs more structured sport etc then a boarding school might be a good idea. They tend to have very high expectations of behaviour, manners, lots of life skills learnt in how to get along with others, things like being in a sports team, or ccf etc might be helpful for him.
But only if he wants this, if he does and you and he can talk it through and you present it as giving him opportunities rather than you can't cope

why not put him into weekend / after school sporting clubs and keep him at home until a space comes up at his existing school? Have you discussed your issues with them and asked for their support? they might allow him to join some of the boarders' activities. You are presumably aware that if you send an 11 year old a nine hour flight away for school, you are effectively accepting that you'll never have a normal relationship with him? I saw this as someone sent an hour away as a 9 year old, alongside many international boarders.

As a previous boarder I am not a huge fan of boarding schools but can see that some children can really thrive in that environment. However, it is very important that it is what your son wants and that he doesn't feel rejected. He may think he loves the idea but he has never lived away from home before the reality could be very different.

Some schools do taster sessions too so it would be worth trying that to see how he gets along. How about enlisting him in a holiday club where kids are away for a week at a time to see how he likes it?

My advice would be to find a school close to home so that he can come home for weekends or Sundays (or at least some). Also, you would be able to be involved with his life at school and watch matches and plays that he takes part in, attend assemblies, be a parent volunteer etc. That way he would have a full and active life at school but you would still be part of his life.

A lot of boarding schools start at 13 so you might be better off waiting for this rather than getting him settled somewhere and then having to move him again. I also think 13 is a better age than 11 to live away from home.

Can you get him really invloved with a couple of sports outside school? Swimming? Football?

If you are outside the UK maybe look at a boarding prep with very strong pastoral care and lots of overseas boarders such as Windlesham. www.windlesham.com/boarding/
I was thinking Christ’s Hospital but as he is already year 7 I don’t think you would get him in. They are used to pupils from a variety of backgrounds.
Does he have any learning disabilities or other problems like ASD. I ask as some children can mask in school but let everything out as soon as the get home. If this is the case Bruern Abbey may be worth a look as a prep or Bredon www.bredonschool.org/admissions/ as a through school. More House is also worth a look www.morehouseschool.co.uk.

Repton only takes children from yr 9 (age 13) and up.

Another possibility is St Chris in Letchworth. They certainly used to be vegetarian and have their own ethos .www.stchris.co.uk/our-approach

Sorry scrap St Chris unless you can be a day pupil. Not many full boarders

Cokethorpe is extremely sporty.

Ardvreck followed by Glenalmond?

Im a great believer in boarding but am unconvinced that it is the right thing for a child who has what appears from your comments to have a totally dysfunctional relationship with his mother. I work with children including in the independent boarding sector and Ive seen other parents in similar situations try this, the child might be happier because the conflict between them and their parent(s) has been removed but this doesn't mean the relationship between child and parent improves in fact IME it often worsens it, IMO in the first place you need to really work hard to address the problems you have at home before sending him off to a boarding school in the UK and only see him during the holidays.
Secondly most boarding schools offer lots of extra curricular activities but do expect there pupils to attend lessons etc its not wall to wall outdoor activities. Many seem to have a romantic completely unrealistic idea of what boarding is about.
If you continue with this idea please ensure that you find a school whee full boarding predominates (Cokethrope is a day school) and where there is lots help and support. Bedales is primarily weekly boarding Gordonstoun consistently does not have a good reputation for pastoral care,

St Edwards is very caring but now take weekly boarders, and starts in yr 9, I know a wide variety of personalities who've thrived at Kings Canterbury its full boarding again starts at 13, they have a prep but you need to check on the number of full boarders. The Oxford preps Dragon and Summerfield have full borders both go to 13, and they would then be able to advise you on suitable senior schools this might be a better option for you.

Try Maidwell Hall then Uppingham. We went to an Open Day and the 6th Form boy who showed us round had been a full boarder since the age of 5 in one school or another around the world. Nice boy. Didn't like his parents much.

That's heartbreaking Welly. I find it hard to accept that boarding school is really the only option OP. What would you do if you couldn't afford it? Counselling and working on your relationship with the child you gave birth to surely is the better option, not just putting the broken toy back in its box when you're fed up of it.

Sedbergh screams out as perfect for him - outdoorsy, sporty but no nonsense. Fabulous head, def worth a look. Gordonstoun also good choice, close to airports.

happygardening your post was extremely rude and hurtful. I am just trying to do my best for him. It is hard parenting such an active child when I am too old and sick to cater to his needs.

But good advice everyone - thanks. I will leave the thread now but will look at the options suggested. Thank you.

I would also rule out Bedales for a sporty boy. It's a brilliant school for arts, drama and music. It would be an odd choice for a sporty boy.

Look at Highfield (only prep school up to 13) but a lovely country school and excellent for sports. Though I'm not sure what the academic entry requirements are these days.

Repton have a prep school: Foremarke Hall on a separate site a couple of miles away. Both schools are very sporty and in the countryside.